Electorial Dysfunction

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A few observations as this never-ending story known as Election 2008 heads to an exciting thrill-packed conclusion...

Does Sarah Palin give you an Anita Bryant vibe? Those of you young uns who don't know to whom I refer, Anita was a former beauty queen who was vehemently anti-gay back in the mid-1970s, campaigning against anti discrimination in Florida's Dade County. Back then, she was pretty much the poster child for intolerance. She also used to to be the spokes person for Florida Orange Juice until a well-organized boycott got her ass handed to her. I dunno. It's a just a gut feeling I have, but then again, it might be gas.

What's the deal with Joe? Not Biden, as insignificant as ever, but all these references to Joe Sixpack and now Joe the Plumber. The candidates might want to back away from this new incarnation of Joe. After all, plumbers didn't do Dick Nixon any good.

Speaking of Joe, have you noticed that in all the Obama campaign material (posters, bumper stickers, etc.) that Biden's name is smaller than Obama's (who, after all is the main man) and sometimes in a different font altogether while McCain and Palin are the same size on theirs? I wouldn't be surprised if Palin's name was bigger. How much more dominant is Palin than McCain at this point? Kinda harkens back to 2000 when folks said, " I don't like Bush. I'm voting for Dick Cheney." Now try to get the image of a dominant Sarah Palin out of your head. "Gosh, Todd sure likes it when I use the whip!"

How about a tag team debate between between both tickets? I would have loved to see Obama vs Palin or Biden vs McCain. In this corner...Obiden! And to my left...McCalin! And falls count anywhere! (yes, everything's a wrestling metaphor to me)

Consider this: If Obama is elected, Oprah wins. There'll be no way to stop her...ever.

As for poor ol' Johnny McCain, he just seems tired. He's been fighting an uphill battle since he began, but he seems about to snap. All this William Ayers crap has been for naught. No one really cares, John. Where's it all leading? This has been like a sub-plot on a TV show that goes nowhere. It's just trolling in the gutter. The thirst for power is driving him mad. When he loses, watch the Republicans start kicking at him like an old sick dog. It's a sad time for a man who has given so much to crash and burn in slow motion like this. Palin will walk from this wreck away unscathed while McCain is going to be demonized by those were against him from the very start. When he tried to embrace them as their new champion, their thumbs were already point downward with smiles on their faces, knowing full well who to blame when it all comes crashing down around them. Poor delusional son of a bitch.

This thing's about over except for the shouting...who am I kidding, they've been shouting for almost two goddamn years now...at a cost of hundreds of millions of dollars spent on...what? Both sides do nothing but blather on the sad state of the economy while they literally piss away money like it's going out of style, which it apparently is, gang. Yeesh.

If you're not sick of all this crap by now, here are a couple of recommendations for an election box set:

Michael Ritchie's THE CANDIDATE with an Oscar winning screenplay from Jeremy Larner stars Robert Redford in the title role running for a California senate seat in the early 1970s, a sharp political satire that has not lost its bite. Co-starring Peter Boyle as a political strategist who gave me one of my catch phrases, "That's just ducky!"

Robert Altman and Garry Trudeau's HBO mini-series TANNER follows a presidential campaign, filmed during the 1988 primary season and starring Michael Murphy, Pamela Reed with a cameo by Michael Dukakis. It's compelling viewing, though the follow-up TANNER ON TANNER is noteworthy only if you've seen the original.

Then there's Alexander Payne's ELECTION starring Reese Witherspoon as the one and only Tracy Flick and PRIMARY COLORS with John Travolta as a not-so-subtle Bill Clinton-like candidate.

As for me, I'm just going to pop my VHS copy of DUCK SOUP into my VCR and revel in The Marx Brothers as the world begins to burn.

What else am I supposed to do?

I don't play the fiddle.