The time is ripe for a remake and update of APOCALYPSE NOW, retitled APOCALYPSE RIGHT NOW.Martin Sheen recreates his role as Captain Willard sent into Cambodia to assassinate a crazed army officer who has gone rogue. declaring himself the ruler of his own private kingdom in the middle of the jungle. Once he heads up river to find Colonel Kurtz and terminate him with extreme prejudice, Willard discovers...not Marlon Brando but...
his crazy ass son Charlie!
Of course, his stream of unconsciousness ramblings of late are a little more reminiscent of Dennis Hopper in the same film, but that's just Charlie's winning nature.
So the Charlie Sheen Express continues for another week of fun and frivolity until everyone gets sick and tired of listening to the rantings of the Lunatic Celeb du Jour. Is anybody on this guy's side? Why, yes. Roseanne Barr is supporting you, Charlie. Who's next? Qaddafi? Big fan!
Charlie's got himself fired from TWO AND A HALF MEN, causing that show to go into panic mode trying to find a replacement. They're talking to Rob Lowe. Nah. Maybe they should promote the kid so that he and Cryer can be the TWO MEN and the HALF could be somebody younger, ala Cousin Oliver. Doesn't matter. The show's doomed anyway. Might as well go out with a bang. How about Chaz Bono then? As for Charlie, well, you know he's going to sue CBS. There's no way he can win that lawsuit...unless the judge is Gary Busey.
I heard that Dennis Quaid called Emilio Estevez and told him, "Dude...I feel your pain."
For those of you weary of this freak show and long for the simple days when everybody talked about Snookie, keep in mind that TWO AND A HALF MEN, like it or not, is the #1 sitcom on primetime television.
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it. Then pass it to Charlie.
UPDATE: So Charlie is basically yesterday's news, starring in another mediocore sitcom, ANGER MANAGEMENT on FX and the world yawns. In the meantime, Angus T. Hall, the Half Man of Charlie's previous mediocre sitcom, found Jesus, discovered his show is crap and decided to tell the world. Personally, I blame Jon Cryer...for everything.
