Let Them Eat Cheese

I know it’s five months early, but let’s just cut to the chase:

Obama wins re-election.

Can all just move along please? We can save ourselves a lot of misery if we just accept this right here and now instead of prolonging the inevitable until November. Come on. It’s just going to ruin our summer if we keep living in denial or even Detroit for that matter. Facts is facts, folks and if Mitt just bails right now, he can save himself, his party and the rest of the country a whole lotta embarrassment, pain and even money. I’m telling right here and now that Barack Obama gets a second term. Period. It’s as clear as crystal meth to me.

Mitt just can’t cut it, whether it be the mustard, the cheese or even his jib. He’s a weak candidate, but the strongest of the bunch of yahoos that ran in this clown car during primary season including such stalwarts as Nasty Newt, Sanctimonious Santorum, Bubblebrain Bachman and Herman “You Want MY Pepperoni on Your Pizza?” Cain. You noticed I left off Ron Paul who is still hanging in there for God’s know what reason. Why is he a Republican? They hate him more than they do Mitt. Poor delusional bastard. He’s the only candidate with any ideas which is a major strike against him as a Presidential candidate, let alone a Republican Presidential candidate. (Don’t tell his supporters I said this. I don’t want that mutant flash mob anywhere near my personal space.)

So Mitt becomes the front runner pretty much by default and wha’ hoppin’? He gets ho-hums from his supposed base. His own party’s lackluster support is going to skunk him just like they did McCain. And there is no one and I mean NO ONE he can pick as a running mate that will get Mitt the backing he needs to give the Prez a run for his considerable amount of money. The only person the Repubs will even consider would be the reanimated corpse of Ronnie Reagan, but then they’d try to convince Mitt to switch places with him. Then there’s that problem of who has more personality, Mitt or Zombie Ron? And don’t expect Silly Sarah Palin to join the ticket. Pasadena, baby. Besides, Tina Fey’s overexposed as it is. Mitt by himself? There's no there there. Beside someone else: Where is he? He's Claude Rains in the 21st Century.

So Barry the Big O'Bambino gets another four years and certainly not for the swell job he’s done in the first term, stumbling and bumbling about like a middle manager out of his depth.

Let me talk to you directly, your liege: It’s high time you stop exacerbating the problems we face by playing the blame game like you said you wouldn’t do. Bush has been out of office since January of 2009, dude. How can you move forward when you keep turning around and looking back? You can’t help it. It’s the nature of your party affiliation. That’s your greatest weakness, Mr. President. You’re a stinking Democrat.

Bin Laden dead? Well, if it did occur (which I still doubt), you can claim it and you do. It happened on your watch and you can play that card from now until November. Obama got Osama. Period. I’m not convinced, but it’s your game since you made “the right call”.

As far as your support of gay marriage, I can only say, “It’s about fucking time.” Of course you wouldn’t have done so at this juncture if Dopey Joe Biden didn’t open his yap now instead just before the convention like you wanted. Joe beat you to the punch, Barry. It turns out that he has bigger cajones than y’all. You came out, pardon the expression, on Good Morning, America and tell Diane Sawyer that it was your two daughters who convinced you to finally make a stand. Bull hockey. You and your minions are claiming that it wasn’t politically motivated? This is an election year. Everything you do is politically motivated. And am I the only one that thinks you were sweating bullets during that interview? A lot more “uhhs…” and “umms...”. than usual. I’m glad you said something but it sure didn’t come out easily. Now back those brave words up, buster. I'll believe it when I see it. Of course, I think Michelle maybe had a lot more to do with this than we think. That’s the real Reagan incarnate…Nancy, that is. And has anybody seen Joe Biden since last week? I got a feeling he got a major dressing down from da big boss man. What if he’s not on the ticket come convention-time for pulling the trigger too early?

The 15 million dollars POTUS raised in Hollywood the other night in Hollywood is another example of the obscene amount of money these campaigns are raising. As a credit card carrying member of the 99%, I find this disgusting. This is going to be a billion dollar election. And the rest of us can’t even afford Marie Antoinette's cake. (Never mind. I'm on a roll...) Guess what we get to eat instead? The same thing we have to day after day just to get by. Remember Hands Across America? Welcome to the Human Centipede Across America. Eat hardy. The 1% are deciding our fate and we're more than glad to pony up the dough.

So what say we just vote tomorrow? Just a show of hands. Everybody’s made up their minds anyway and those that haven’t probably won’t end up voting. In the end, it’ll will closer than we anticipated, but the results will be the same:

Barack Obama, two term President. Just like Bill Clinton. And George W. Bush. What a trifecta that is.

Mitt will be ringing your doorbell very soon. “Hello. My name is Elder Romney…”

Ron Paul will still be running. He just won't quit. Hey, Ron, Lyndon Larouche's on the phone.

If I'm right, just remember that I tried to get us to save a lot of grief with an early out. If I'm wrong, who cares? I'm just another asshole with a blog.

We're screwed either way. We'll still be stuck in the rat maze with only two choices, forever scampering about in search of the non-existent cheese they keep promising us. Four years ago, that cheese was called Hope. I don't what they're calling it this year. One thing for sure, it's going to be stinky.

But that's okay. There will plenty of cheap whine to wash it down.