Oscars So What?

When I think about the debacle known as the 92nd Annual Academy Awards ceremony AKA Oscars 2020 AKA Shitshow Unextraordinaire, I can't shake the image of a deflated party balloon. Having watched this show my entire life,  there have been some wretched productions, many outright disasters and several that have been boring beyond belief. Yet in this vast graveyard there existed a sense of celebration, a false front to be sure because that is what Hollywood does best, but at least it was a chance to revel in the end in the undeniable gaudy wonderfulness of it all. There's no business like show business after all and isn't it grand to be able to acknowledge that to the world? As a viewer I wanted to be a part of it (like New York, New York) and, if I couldn't be there, I could covet it without guilt due to the lifelong love I've always felt. And let the nay-sayers be damned because I am the Great Academy Award Show Apologist! Boring? Hah! Self-congratulatory? You bet! It's all about the movies, baby and I am soaking in it!

Alas, that's all over I'm afraid. Welcome to the Woke Culture Oscars once again and it may very well be the end of the line. Sunday night's show certainly ring the death knell louder than ever as it defiantly promotes sanctimony in its own inimitable and hypocritical ways. What made it so miserable is the community itself chasing its own tale attempt to right the wrongs of the world that is increasingly abandoning it like a redheaded stepchild. A sense of dread has fallen over the entire proceedings because it won't be long before anyone will be preaching to the choir. They'll testify their insufferable opinions to the great unwashed and those who have attended will cheer in agreement being of one unsound hive mindset. Disagree and you'll be banished (or dare I say blacklisted?)  As inclusive as Hollywood claims to be, the more exclusive intolerant they've become, gladly supplying their harshest critics with ammunition in hopes of taking them down from their lofty perches while the rest of the audience tunes out. But that only encourages them to blather on and on as presenters at recipients rail on about the lack of diversity,  representation and acknowledgement of those worthier than those who are actually made it to the final ballot, the rotten bastards. These nominees, if you want to call them that, sat in uncomfortable reverence as their so-called "accomplishments" are denounced and lambasted by a barrage of continuous liberal guilt. "Gosh, I feel bad that Greta Gerwig or Awkwafina weren't nominated. I wish there was something I could do. What? I won? Suck on that, you talentless fucks!"

The show, the grand finale of the awards season could not have been more lackluster as if that was the goal. The no host gambit, which paid off okay last year, didn't work at all this time around. Too many non-entities giving introductions to minor celebs. It wasn't so much of a "who's who" as it was a "who's that?" The opening number could not have been more generic and pandering to us to illustrate the lack of diversity message right out of the gate. Janelle Monae, an extremely dynamic performer, worked her butt off with the most generic material possible. Steve Martin and Chris Rock, an oil and water duo if there ever was one, gave us middling fond memories of an opening monologue (or dialogue as a case may be) with little payoff. Most of what passed for comedy lay on the ground like so much litter,wasting semi-precious time (see Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig or Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Or don't. You'll be better off.) The only honest laughter I got were from two performers I normally despise. James Corden and Rebel Wilson's send up of CATS actually gave me a stupid laugh with their silly bit. Hey, I was entertainment deprived by that point Nominated songs were just throwaways. And what the hell was Eminem doing there? He couldn't bother to show up when he wasn't actually nominated, so let's bring him back over 15 years later for...what? Anthony Hopkins wasn't there this year, so he should come back in 2021 and sing "It's Hard Out here for a Pimp".

I have no quibble for awards themselves. Should PARASITE have won over everything else or was this another form of that W word again? After viewing it, I choose the former. I thought 1917 was going to be this year's GREEN BOOK and wanted to proven wrong. 1917 was excellent, but it paled in comparison to PARASITE, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD and THE IRISHMAN, so the fact they didn't go safe with their choice is fine with me. And Bong Joon-Ho, his cast and crew  had at least a sense that they were actually glad to be there and for the right reasons-the Oscars, for crying out loud. Pleased to see Brad Pitt win as well as Joaquin Phoenix....however...Brad said he only had 45 seconds for his acceptance...what the hell happened with Joaquin and Renee Zellweger? Already at the three hour mark and change, they rambled on (especially the Joaqer) for what seemed to be hours on ends. As Ricky Gervais said at the Golden Globes, "Get your award, say thank and fuck off." Nope. Had to hear Phoenix's sad cow story and down the drain we went...

The time has come to stop broadcasting the Oscars live on national TV. Go to cable or a streaming service or the highlights on YouTube. Awards shows have hit their event horizon. Ride off in the sunset. Roll credits.

Am I basing all this gloom and doom on one rotten show? Hardly. It's been coming for a long time. You can't have a party balloon if they're going to prick it with a pin before it's inflated. What do they expect the end result is gong to be?

But the big question remains:  Will I watch again next year? It depends. What else is on?