Showing posts with label CNN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CNN. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Gag Reel


I'm in the mood for fun...simply because I'm blogging...
 
Monica Lewinsky is finally speaking out about the Bill Clinton affair. The reason it has taken so long is a simple matter of good manners. Her mother taught her never to speak with her mouth full.

CNN just reported that Donald Sterling is lost at sea on a Malaysian airliner with Jodi Arias.

Does Woody Allen celebrate Take Your Daughter to Work Day?

Speaking of holidays, Mother's Day was fun this year. We took in a new musical version of Oedipus Rex called M is for the Many Things She Gave Me.

How has Ann Coulter avoided being burned to death in the hot sun with a magnifying glass?

I was going say some disparaging comments about Frozen, but I decided to let it go.

While I wouldn't punch somebody for wearing Google Glasses, but I might run then over with my Segway.

What can I say? I have issues. For example: dryer sheets. I have a problem using a product called Snuggie. Maybe Brawny should make dryer sheets. Or at least give the Snuggie teddy bear some beard stubble.

Finally, sad news from the breakfast cereal world. The voice of Tony the Tiger has passed away. Those wishing to pay their respects should know that he won't be hard to find. He's buried in a GRRR-AVE!!!!

Thank you! I'll be here all week! Tip your waitresses! G'nite! 


Thursday, December 31, 2009

At the End of the Decade


And so it ends as always with a CNN re-broadcast of the ball falling in Times Square to signal the beginning of the New Year...and in this case, decade as well. What an odd and somewhat pathetic manner in which to chronicle the passage of time, but this is how some of us mark this event in other zones other than Eastern Standard. What better way to end an era than a celebratory rerun. Kind of a bastardization of the space/time continuum, isn't it? No wonder Dick Clark stayed looking so young for so long.

The last ten years began ever so auspiciously at one second past midnight in 2000 with the Y2K boondoggle (AKA The End of the World As We Know It) It should gave us all a big damn clue of how the rest of the decade was going to be. We were at the brink of DOOM...until we weren't. We breathed a big sigh of relief and went about our business, not learning a damn thing about the major disaster that never happened.


By the end of the year came the Endless Presidential Election that signalled the beginning of the next Civil War, the Reds vs the Blues. This battle that keeps escalating day after day turning as the flames of hatred keep getting fanned by a bunch of mental media midgets in the name of higher ratings with zero accountability and Internet snipers with even less credibility or even souls.

The following year came the real Day the Earth Stood Still...9/11. The worst thing that could have happened did and in the most absurd manner possible. The Kamikazes of yesterday had become the airline terrorists of today. Suddenly we came together as one in our grief and in that shock and sorrow came a glimmer of hope that we might just get through this as one. It wasn't meant to be since united we stand, divided we fall and the Powers that Be found that is was easier to keep us in line if we fought amongst ourselves instead the ones who got us there in the first and last places. And if that doesn't do it, they'll make sure they make us live in fear. If they keep us cowered, they can keep us in line.

If that wasn't enough, we went to war...somewhere else. Many of us bought it at the time since we still had vengeance in our hearts and minds. But we got sidetracked. Iraq was a divergence so we missed the sleight of hand trick that became the longest running practical joke in the history of futility and we looked for ways to find the nearest exit until it became as fruitless as trying to get out of a gym membership. Hey, I hear we're finally getting out of there...only to go around the corner to Afghanistan.

Then Mother Nature went on a drunken tirade and sent her nasty ass bitch daughter Katrina to lay waste to a chunk of the country. Just to make matters worse, the aftermath became one of the most shameful events of modern times. 9/11 was an example of what evil forces from the outside could do to our country. Katrina was an example of what evil we could do to ourselves.

The collapse of the economy, global warming and the denial of gay rights...oh, my what an obscene mess the world has become in ten short years. That glimmer of hope many of us hoped for in the guise of a new administration has dimmed to a small burning ember that isn't enough to even light your cigarette, but that's okay since there's no smoking anyway.

For myself, my mother died two months after 9/11, ending a long illness that took her mind and body long before she eventually passed. Some good friends were also lost in those years as well the final decimation of my beloved Pollardville. Two jobs went by the wayside along the way making everyday life even more of a struggle than it is already especially when that goddamn Sword of Damocles keeps waving to and fro, ready to lob over its next innocent victim in a cruel game of chance.

Okay. Enough of a purge already. That was the Worst of the Double-Ohs. Amazingly enough, we have been resilient enough to withstand even the most devastating of times and even manage to prevail in many situations, driving around the potholes in the road and maintain our journeys.

Since this is my damn blog, let's talk about me some more. I have managed to have 5 of my works published in a ten year period, an accomplishment I may not be able to match in volume but still plan to surpass in substance. I appeared on stage twice, once in a local production of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST and another at the last Pollardville show ever. I've had a life changing trip to South Africa. and I've found a home here in Oregon surrounded by like minded weirdos along with a family that has taught the true meaning of unconditional love for the very first time.

So I end the Double 00s sad about the nature of the world but oddly optimistic about myself. I say oddly because it has never been part of my nature to feel comfortable in my own skin, kind of like an old shoe. Just call me Hush Puppy. Maybe the aging process it having a positive effect on me after all.

Then again, I could be in denial. Now THAT'S comfort!

Next up: The Best of the Decade

Yeah, like you care...