Beauty Killed the Beast

At the climax of the original KING KONG, a crowd gathers around the big ape's dead body after he fell from the top of the Empire State Building when a New York cop points states the obvious to Robert Armstrong's Carl Denham..

"Well, Denham, the airplanes got him."

(I guess his bullet-ridden corpse was a big clue.)

However, Denham contradicts him, proclaiming, "Oh no. It wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."

Then the gathered throng ad-libs, "Beauty?" "Beauty?" "What is he, drunk?" (Maybe I imagined that last line.)

So here we are in 2017 and King Kong lives again (must have been a flesh wound) in KONG: SKULL ISLAND, released a week before the new Disney live action version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.and naturally, controversy prevails in the atmosphere. KONG's alleged racial insensitivity is being recycled from Peter Jackson's ten year old version, so it barely registers a blip this time around. I guess #KONGLIVESDON'TMATTER. No, this time, the bonfire is burning at Disney over a ("GASP!") homosexual character perpetuating the gay agenda to influence and brainwash influential young minds around the world.

In new BATB, Josh Gad plays Le Fou, the goofball henchman of Gaston, the narcissistic heavy of the story To add a little garnsih to the character, Le Fou has a big crush on his handsome friend and ay, there's the rub.(For Le Fou, anyway)

It seems some people have a problem with this piece of whimsy, elevating it to this to an outrage of Def-Con 4 l proportions. "Homosexuals? In a family film? Not on my watch!" I find it amazing that we are having this conversation in this day and age of tolerance, acceptance and peaceful coexistence...oh, wait. That sort of thinking is so last year...

A drive-in theater owner in Alabama has refused to show the film. They released these statement on their website:

As of December 16th the Henagar Drive-In is under new ownership. Movies scheduled prior to that date and four weeks after this date were not scheduled by the new owners. That being said…It is with great sorrow that I have to tell our customers that we will not be showing Beauty and the Beast at the Henagar Drive-In when it comes out. When companies continually force their views on us we need to take a stand. We all make choices and I am making mine. For those that do not know Beauty and the Beast is “premiering” their first homosexual character. The producer also says at the end of the movie “there will be a surprise for same-sex couples”. If we can not take our 11 year old grand daughter and 8 year old grandson to see a movie we have no business watching it. If I can’t sit through a movie with God or Jesus sitting by me then we have no business showing it. I know there will be some that do not agree with this decision. That’s fine. We are first and foremost Christians. We will not compromise on what the Bible teaches. We will continue to show family oriented films so you can feel free to come watch wholesome movies without worrying about sex, nudity, homosexuality and foul language. Thank you for your support!

Russia actually considered a nationwide ban on BEAUTY, but has since decided to allow the film to be seen, now with a 16+ rating, meaning no Russkie young 'uns will have their minds polluted by Western gay propaganda. To pile on even further, a boycott has been threatened not only against the movie but also against the Disney corporation. Walt is spinning in his grave like a rottisserie chicken.

But what's all the hub-bub, bub? BEAUTY AND THE BEAST has a PG rating. How much hot man-on-man action can there really be? The MPAA really frowns upon anal sex, suggested or otherwise. And to make the whole brouhaha just a bit ironic...Josh Gad is straight while Luke Evans who plays Gaston is openly gay. Put that in your phallic-shaped pipe and smoke it, Henagar Drive-In.

I would support a  boycott on BEAUTY AND THE BEAST for other reasons, like that Disney is regurgitating its own product back into society. A live action version of a cartoon remake makes my head spin at 78 rpm. This is, of course, the Disney way and basically always has been. Next up are live-action versions of THE LION KING and PINOCCHIO with Gepetto probably played by Morgan Freeman. The Mouse Factory is exactly that, a big soul-less machine cranking out widget after widget in the name of commerce first and foremost while creativity and originality have gone the way of the dinosaur (not a successful character in the Disney canon).This don't mean a fig to Disney acolytes around the globe who will flock to this because SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

The Beauty/Beast story has been re-told cinematically over the ages, most recently in a 2014 French version with Vincent Cassel. Of course there's the Disney animated cover, a classic of the genre from the 1990s (yes, even with Robby Benson as the Beast). TV has its own versions in name only, the most popular being the 1980s series with Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton in the New York sewer system. (How romantic!) Another rendition of the classic story was made for the small screen starring George C. Scott as the furry freak brother, who starred with his then-wife Trish Van Devere. It might have been more interesting with the first Mrs. Scott, Colleen Dewhurst, though there might have been some confusion on who was playing The Beast.  There have also been those low budget knock off variations on a theme like MERIDIAN and TANYA'S ISLAND. Though I don't know for sure, at some time there must have been a porn version called BOOTY AND THE BEAST. Boy, talk about your low-hanging fruit. So to speak.

Nothing, but nothing beats the spectacular Jean Cocteau masterpiece  from 1946. a true work of art that occupies a space on my favorite films of all time. But hold on just a doggone minute....Cocteau was...GAY! Not only that, his lover was Jean Marais, the actor who played the Beast. Holy merde! Where does that leave Beauty in all this? Maybe they should have called it BEAUTY AND THE BEARD. (Ba-dump-bump!) I guess it really is a fairy tale after all, isn't it?

The bottom line (no pun intended unless you swing that way) is that I feel compelled to support a product I feel to be repellent, but for completely different reasons. While I abhor this era of remakes, reboots and re-imaginings, building the cultural landfill to epic proportions that will eventually bury us all, I hate ignorance, intolerance and narrow-minded assholes even more. If I have to choose my battles, I'll take on the latter first because the threat is so immediate. The former has been a lifelong struggle that I will always rail against until the end of my time.

But who am I really kidding? I won't pay money to see the new BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. I'd sooner watch the cartoon again since it's the same goddamn movie.  The Cocteau film is an even better bet. But if I choose to go out, I'll opt for the fun and games of KONG: SKULL ISLAND. Wait a minute, what? King Kong now identifies as gender non-binary?

Carl Denham might want to change his answer.

Special Guest Star: George C. Scott

Back in the halcyon days in the last half of the century known as the 20th, the old hometown of Stockton, California and surrounding area played host to many a major Hollywood production. Several times a year, film and TV crews from the Land of LA congregated in our backyards to shoot a damn impressive array of titles over time.

One of those was 1973's OKLAHOMA CRUDE starring George C. Scott, Faye Dunaway, John Mills and Jack Palance. Produced and directed by Stanley Kramer, who also shot RPM with Anthony Quinn and Ann-Margaret at the University of the Pacific, CRUDE is a rollicking, unjustly forgotten Depression era saga of a wildcat oil well. It's nowhere near the caliber of THERE WILL BE BLOOD, but it's a damn decent piece of entertainment in the old Hollywood tradition. The Ospital Ranch northeast of Stockton stood in for the Oklahoma countryside.

At that time, my dad, Adam Cherney, ran a concession at Stockton Golf and Country Club. It was basically a snack shack on the 9th hole where Pop would flip burgers and pour drinks for players who took a break at the half-way point or those who just played 9 holes and didn't want to head back to the clubhouse. Since celebrities love their golf, many of those shooting in the area spent their downtime taking in a round at SGCC and most stopped by my dad's place.

One gloomy afternoon, Adam looked up looked up from his work only to see the only one and only George C. strolling up to his shack, all by lonesome, just like the other George. Gobel, that is. (Look him up, young 'un) On a midweek day off from filming OKLAHOMA CRUDE, George thought he'd kill a few hours on the links. After the first nine holes, the lure of an adult beverage or two proved alluring enough to put the game on hold for awhile. Being a slow day, he was my dad's sole customer that afternoon.

The rain began to fall, enough to cancel the remainder of General Patton's game entirely. Instead of calling it a day, George stayed put at the shack to consume a few more highballs and pound down half a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strikes. He passed the time away with my pop, chatting about this, that and the other thing. Since Dad was an experienced bartender from the old school, he undoubtedly treated Mr. Scott like a regular Joe and I'm sure he appreciated the normalcy of it. At that time, he was still riding on that PATTON gravy train and one of the biggest movie stars in the world. Flying solo and under the radar as it was that day, he probably wanted to feel grounded. And there was nobody that was more down to earth than my dad.

When the rain subsided, George decided to call it a day and hit the muddy trail.

"Besides, the wife's making soup for dinner," he told my dad. "You know you've got yourself a good woman if she can make you a good bowl of soup."

With that, he shook my dad's hand goodbye and tottled off to the house the studio rented rented for him while on location. That evening, my dad presented me with an autograph signed by the one only George C. Scott and relayed the soup story.

The wife Scott referred to wasn't Colleen Dewhurst, the great stage and screen actress he married twice back in the 1960s ala Liz and Dick. At this point in time, they had been divorced for good. I always felt that George and Colleen had to be one of those hard-drinking, hard-brawlin', hard-ballin' legendary show biz couples. They probably smoked each other's Lucky Strikes. They also sounded so much alike that calling them on the phone must have been difficult.

"Hello?"

"Is that you, George?"

"No, it's Colleen."

"Sorry. Can I speak to George?"

"George!"

"What?"

"Telephone."

"Hello?"

"Is that still you, Colleen?"

"No, it's George."

But alas, they were no longer meant to be. At the end of marriage, round two, they made the film THE LAST RUN. George fell head over heels for his younger co-star Trish Van Devere. Months after he divorced Colleen, he married Trish. They too made several films together including THE CHANGELING, DAY OF THE DOLPHIN and George's directorial boondoggle known as THE SAVAGE IS LOOSE.

Even if their relationship didn't hit the Shakespearean level of his marriage to Dewhurst, George and Trish stay married up until his death in 1999.

It could have been the soup. After all, you can buy the best ingredients, use the most sophisticated equipment and employ the finest skills known in the culinary world, but nothing tastes better than when you cook with love. Maybe George knew that, but he was just a newlywed back in 1973. On the other hand, he and Trish stay married for an impressive 27 years.

My wife is a fantastic cook and makes a helluva soup. I always tell her where she fixes me a bowl that somewhere, George C. Scott and my dad are both looking on and smiling.