Everything Oscar All at Once

For better and not for worse for a change, the 95th annual Academy Award presentation is behind us.

The Academy and probably the industry itself is touting that this is this year is a return to form which is fairly accurate. It resembled a ceremony from the pre-Covid era which made it one of the better productions of the last 5 years. Virtually drama free with lots of good feels for a change combined to make a better than average show or more accurately an average show which is better than it has been to be sure. Ratings were up so the Oscars live to fight another day before it too goes to streaming in a few years.

There were some clunkers to be sure. The lame-ass Cocaine Bear bit, for example, celebrating a modestly successful flash in the pan and a guarantee that fucking Elizabeth Banks isn't going away anytime soon. But the worst had to be the egregious promo for the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid that was shamelessly passed off on the live broadcast. Disney owns ABC which broadcasts the Oscars. Hence, Disney pimps away without an ounce of integrity. Hope they paid for that ad because otherwise, foul ball. 

But mostly, the show moved along quite well without the political speechifying that has drug down the proceedings as of late, not to mention whatever pass for comedy in the last decade. Lack of witty banter was displaced by sad ass fashion choices. (Really, Florence Pugh?) Jimmy Kimmel turned out to be in innocuous house once again making him pretty much safe for the masses and Hollywood in general. who can take a gentle ribbing, but the truth hurts these thin-skinned celebs, that's for sure. 

The lack of what passes for controversy this time around served to benefit the proceedings, no matter what you read on social media, though the rallying cries still echo. The call of "Oscars So White" rang hollow in 2023 mainly because it's already a tiresome cliche' to this Hollywood elite. No women directors again? C'mon, folks. Women Talking, directed by Sarah Polley, should have been a shoo-in at the very least. At least she got a writing trophy out of the deal. And the supposed Angela Basset snub? They still ain't tossing big awards out to the MCU no matter how much money they're still pulling in. As far as losing gracefully, so what? She bought into the hype, believing she was a lock. Didn't happen. Hey, at least she didn't walk out like Eddie Murphy did when he lost for Dreamgirls. These supposed outrages are all so typical of what flotsam and jetsam floats on the waves of the Internet, though I think many of them are perpetuated and drug out by publicists to keep the Oscar dialogue going long after the broadcast in a too desperate attempt to remain relevant as the rest of the world is on to the next pile of nonsensical bullshit with a sweep of their phones,

What was telling about this year's Academy Awards was the story of redemption all around. All four winners in the acting category or either comeback stories or validations of one sort or another. Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan both had resurgences after long droughts in their careers. Jamie Lee Curtis proved she belonged at the table after years of peaking below the surface of stardom. And of course Michelle Yeoh made everybody stand up and listen to the fact that age doesn't matter especially for a woman in Hollywood. You'd better listen to her too or she'll kick your bleedin' ass. The Oscars itself had to redeem itself as well after last year's fiasco not to mention the doldrums it's been under for the past decade. The Everything Everywhere All at Once sweep brought a slew of fresh faces to the foray, all of them wanting to be there and to belong to this community that wouldn't have welcomed them a few years back. Their enthusiastic and genuinely emotional wins were infectious and ruled the night.

I'm frankly pleased that the Big Show (not the wrestler) was as decent as it was since this is my Oscars swan song on this format. (Okay, don't get all weepy on me.) After the last few years, these post-game wrap-ups of mine have felt more and more obligatory rather than anything heartfelt because frankly, my dear, my heart ain't in it no mo'. This year, I approached the Oscars with an near-sense of dread and geared up for another 3 and 1/2 hour hate watch. How insipid is that? My lifelong passion for all things film related have turned me into this grumpy old asshole who picks apart the proceedings like a scavenger bird launching into a corpse buffet. So this is it. I mean it this time. Honest. Even though I stated in last year's post featuring Slap Happy Pappy Will Smith's inglorious day in the Oscar sun was to be my own not so grand finale, this was meant to be a postmortem more than anything else.  So I'm packing my troubles in my old kit bag and backing away from the keyboard from what used to be my favorite time of year. It's rather similar to when I quit smoking. I swore I would give up cigarettes when they stopped tasting so damn good and I did. Same thing here. It's not like I'll stop watching. I just stopped caring.  Looking behind the curtain is a bittersweet proposition. That the 95th Oscars went out on a high (well, higher than usual) note takes a lot of the sting away for me and that is enough.

So Booyah for Hollywood once again. For me though, this is my last Booyah. They're playing me off.

Oscar and the Hate-Watch

Why does anyone watch the Academy Awards ceremony anymore? I do. I always do, but I'm not like most of you. I'm an obsessive film geek. I'll watch that show, good, bad or really ugly until the day I bite the big one, though I'll probably not make the In Memoriam segment of the show (aka the Death Parade).

But what about the rest of you? You know damn well that the Oscarcast is an overlong slog, always going over its allotted three hour time slot. It's an awards show. Other than the major awards, do you really give two figs who gets what, unless you have some dough riding on your office pool? Then of course there is the politically charged nature from the community, a gate propped open by Michael Moore's fat ass over a decade ago that may never be closed. It always stirs the right wing into a frenzy, which is not a bad thing at all.

The Oscars are the ultimate hate-watch, an insipid cultural symptom of our gluttonous ways. It is imperative that, no matter that there are thousands of options available to view on every sort of platform, we have to torture ourselves watching something we are already pre-disposed to hate just so we can get online and share our outrage with the rest of the world. What a bunch of maroons we are.

This year's Academy Awards clocked in at about 3 hours and 40 minutes and frankly, was no better or worse than most of them. There was an over-abundance of speechifying, totally expected due to the nature of recent events, though some handled it better than others. Lupita Nyongo'o and Kumail Nanjiani's thoughts on Dreamers hit the mark beautifully and there was no better advocate for the Times Up movement than Frances McDormand. The show relied too heavily on montages (cutting a couple wouldn't have hurt) and the invasion of the cinema across the street took up too much time, though I rather enjoyed it, especially since they cut into A WRINKLE IN TIME during one of Oprah's big scenes. The musical numbers were quite good, but thanks to some uninspired staging, there sure seemed to be a lot of standing around. On the basis of their performances, I would have voted for THE GREATEST SHOWMAN's "This is Me" over the song from COCO. And is there something in the Academy by-laws that require Common's appearance every year? I also think that, despite what most of the critics have written, Tiffany Haddish is going to wear out her welcome quicker than Amy Schumer. I'd keep Jimmy Kimmel as host. He's been the best of the 21st century, with the exception of Hugh Jackman. (No, I'm not being ironic) It's also high time to pack the ceremony with more A list talent. Too many of this year's presenters were more like a Who's Who? At certain moments, I felt like I was watching the Kid's Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. I half-way expected the stars of BABY DRIVER to get slimed. Jane Fonda would have been a better choice. (On another note, she really is looking more and more like her dad Henry, isn't she?)

To cut down on time, it may be time to move some awards over to the presentation of the honorary ceremony such as the short subjects, sound, special effects, makeup and costumes. Bring the winners in and acknowledge them on the Big Night. (By the way, where were the Honorary Award winners this year?) Awarding others in less than major categories happens at the Grammys, why not here?

And maybe Kimmel accidentally hit onto an idea that might help boost the Oscar's rating, which have dipped lower than ever, with his jet ski gag. Tap into that Oscar pool concept and take it to the next level. Make it part of the show, boost the pot and award some movie swag. Couldn't hurt.

The Awards themselves offered no surprises, which is actually fine with me. I was overjoyed to see THE SHAPE OF WATER get the love it so deserved. Nothing has restored my faith in the magic of movies more in recent memory. Guillermo del Toro is a geek god and that community should bow to him in great respect. Everything else was down the line and as I said, that was fine.

From a show I was dreading after an award season that buffered my very soul,  I may have my problems with the 90th Academy Award presentation, but it won't keep me from watching it next year or any year after that until I bite the big one. I can't speak for the rest of you. I'll let you do that for each other as I know you will.

OSCAR BLOGS FROM DAYS GONE BY

Oscar's Big Boner

 Well, hoo-ray for Hollywood!

The biggest event of the year in the entertainment capital of the world known as the Academy Awards was quite the hoot this go around. This shimmer has dimmed on Oscar, the Golden Boy in recent years thanks to an non-stop onslaught of awards shows, all of them televised to drive the point home that YES, MOVIES STILL MATTER. That is, despite the fact that cinemas are on the endangered species list with the massive swift toward home entertainment and that currently, TV rules the roost in the current Zeitgeist. (No, no the sequel to Poltergeist).

This year's circle jerk was more entertaining than usual thanks to the efforts of new producers Michael De Luca and Jennifer Todd who took a page from the Golden Globes and gave this old chestnut some much needed life with more of a party atmosphere. It began with a bang with Justin Timberlake's nominated song "Can't Stop the Feeling", a rousing little ditty that brought the crowd to its feet for the first time. While not one of my personal faves, JT did kick the show off quite nicely. This led to Jimmy Kimmel's entrance as this year's host and, quite frankly, he owned it. They have been looking for a more permanent host for awhile and Kimmel fit the bill near-perfectly, nearly as smooth as Bob Hope and Billy Crystal back in the day.

The general celebration actually muted the political posturing with less speechifying than I expected, which I was getting ready to dread due to political fatigue. When points were made, they were appropriately placed for the most part and carried more weight as a result, perhaps with the exception of Gael Garcia Bernal's ham-handed two cents on the Trump wall. It was awkward and unnecessary as he preached on before giving out the award for Best Animated Feature. Bad timing. Much better was the letter written by Iranian filmaker Asghar Farhadi (read by Anousheh Ansari) upon winning Best Foreign Film for THE SALESMAN, a strongly worded statement on the Trump travel ban.  The other Trump digs during the night were more teasing in nature, especially Kimmel's Tweet to the Donald "Meryl says hi." but it was obvious that knives were sharpened and ready to be drawn at a moment's notice.

As though Blake Edwards ran the show, this seemed to be a slapstick affair from the start with poor adorable Aul'i Cravalho getting smacked in the back the head during her otherwise quite excellent rendition of the nominated song from MOANA, Then Seth Rogen bonked his noggin climbing out of the Delorean with Michael J. Fox. And the usually somber In Memoriam segment (aka The Death Parade) included a tribute to Australian costume designer Janet Patterson. Well deserved to be sure, except they showed the wrong Australian- producer Janet Patterson who is alive and well at this writing, but I haven't checked today, Janet, you alright, sweetheart? Sorry the Academy killed you prematurely.

But it was still all fun and games until we hit the three and a half hour mark when the Best Picture was finally about to be announced by Hollywood icons Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway when...WHOOPSY-DAISY!

You know the story. LA LA LAND was mistakenly announced when MOONLIGHT was the actual winner.

Conspiracy theories have abounded hither and tither over this major gaffe, one including Leonardo DiCaprio, the other involving the Academy itself attempting to amp up the drama and prove they are good Liberals after all by taking the trophy out of the hands of LA LA's white privelege and handing it over to MOONLIGHT to prove without a doubt the BLACK LIVES MATTER. (But not as much as THE MOVIES.)

But that's not what I believe happened at all.

The Russians were behind it all. They hacked into Pricewaterhouse and successfully sabotaged the awards to denigrate this beloved American institution in front of the entire world. And Warren Beatty was in on it the entire time. Hold on a second. Isn't he like a  Tinseltown Liberal god, second to none except maybe Babs Streisand herself? Well let me ask you something in return, Ivan, Didn't Warren Beatty write, direct and star in a movie called REDS? Hmmmmm? Look it up, comrades! The Russkies probably paid off the enormous debt accumulated by his recent flop RULES DON'T APPLY for his "cooperation". And the cherry on top of  the entire shit sundae, President of the United States Donald Jabroni Trump, masterminding the entire debacle to humiliate those he hates just as much the Fake News organizations...and that is THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE. (On the other hand, Putin preferred FENCES. He loves him some Denzel.)

I rest my case. (Don't have a mike, so I'll just drop my pen)

So ends another fairy tale evening in LA LA LAND while basking in the MOONLIGHT.

See you next year!