Oscar and the Hate-Watch

Why does anyone watch the Academy Awards ceremony anymore? I do. I always do, but I'm not like most of you. I'm an obsessive film geek. I'll watch that show, good, bad or really ugly until the day I bite the big one, though I'll probably not make the In Memoriam segment of the show (aka the Death Parade).

But what about the rest of you? You know damn well that the Oscarcast is an overlong slog, always going over its allotted three hour time slot. It's an awards show. Other than the major awards, do you really give two figs who gets what, unless you have some dough riding on your office pool? Then of course there is the politically charged nature from the community, a gate propped open by Michael Moore's fat ass over a decade ago that may never be closed. It always stirs the right wing into a frenzy, which is not a bad thing at all.

The Oscars are the ultimate hate-watch, an insipid cultural symptom of our gluttonous ways. It is imperative that, no matter that there are thousands of options available to view on every sort of platform, we have to torture ourselves watching something we are already pre-disposed to hate just so we can get online and share our outrage with the rest of the world. What a bunch of maroons we are.

This year's Academy Awards clocked in at about 3 hours and 40 minutes and frankly, was no better or worse than most of them. There was an over-abundance of speechifying, totally expected due to the nature of recent events, though some handled it better than others. Lupita Nyongo'o and Kumail Nanjiani's thoughts on Dreamers hit the mark beautifully and there was no better advocate for the Times Up movement than Frances McDormand. The show relied too heavily on montages (cutting a couple wouldn't have hurt) and the invasion of the cinema across the street took up too much time, though I rather enjoyed it, especially since they cut into A WRINKLE IN TIME during one of Oprah's big scenes. The musical numbers were quite good, but thanks to some uninspired staging, there sure seemed to be a lot of standing around. On the basis of their performances, I would have voted for THE GREATEST SHOWMAN's "This is Me" over the song from COCO. And is there something in the Academy by-laws that require Common's appearance every year? I also think that, despite what most of the critics have written, Tiffany Haddish is going to wear out her welcome quicker than Amy Schumer. I'd keep Jimmy Kimmel as host. He's been the best of the 21st century, with the exception of Hugh Jackman. (No, I'm not being ironic) It's also high time to pack the ceremony with more A list talent. Too many of this year's presenters were more like a Who's Who? At certain moments, I felt like I was watching the Kid's Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. I half-way expected the stars of BABY DRIVER to get slimed. Jane Fonda would have been a better choice. (On another note, she really is looking more and more like her dad Henry, isn't she?)

To cut down on time, it may be time to move some awards over to the presentation of the honorary ceremony such as the short subjects, sound, special effects, makeup and costumes. Bring the winners in and acknowledge them on the Big Night. (By the way, where were the Honorary Award winners this year?) Awarding others in less than major categories happens at the Grammys, why not here?

And maybe Kimmel accidentally hit onto an idea that might help boost the Oscar's rating, which have dipped lower than ever, with his jet ski gag. Tap into that Oscar pool concept and take it to the next level. Make it part of the show, boost the pot and award some movie swag. Couldn't hurt.

The Awards themselves offered no surprises, which is actually fine with me. I was overjoyed to see THE SHAPE OF WATER get the love it so deserved. Nothing has restored my faith in the magic of movies more in recent memory. Guillermo del Toro is a geek god and that community should bow to him in great respect. Everything else was down the line and as I said, that was fine.

From a show I was dreading after an award season that buffered my very soul,  I may have my problems with the 90th Academy Award presentation, but it won't keep me from watching it next year or any year after that until I bite the big one. I can't speak for the rest of you. I'll let you do that for each other as I know you will.

OSCAR BLOGS FROM DAYS GONE BY

Happy Birthday to Me

Every year when I hit this mile post known as my birthday (or rather it hits me), I treat myself to a special movie of choice, a present and tribute to me, for me and by me. I honestly don't recall when this tradition of mine began, but I do know that I started to keep track as far back as 1993 when I took in Joe Dante's sweet little piece of nostalgia MATINEE.

Over the last quarter century, I've made some damn good choices film-wise, many of which I regard of some of my favorites of all time, a list so long it would be impossible to chronicle due to its sheer heft.  Among those birthday movies have been the aforementioned MATINEE, David Lynch's THE STRAIGHT STORY, Danny Boyle's SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, Darren Aronofsky's BLACK SWAN, The Coen Brothers' NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, Sam Mendes' REVOLUTIONARY ROAD, Peter Jackson's LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy (one three years in a row), Alejandro Innaritu's BIRDMAN and oh so many more.

Birthday Movie 2007 was Guillermo del Toro's PAN'S LABYRINTH, a magical piece of work I admired so much that I have been anxiously awaiting a follow-up (or through) from this visionary director. Unfortunately, his subsequent efforts have underwhelmed and frankly, tried my patience.

Until now.

THE SHAPE OF WATER is flat out magnificent. This is why I go to the movies. Del Toro's innate and abundant sense of wonder shows in every single frame of this fantastic film. This is something recent cinema has lost, buried beneath overdone and used CGI with nothing else to back it up such as story, character and, most of all, heart. At its core, WATER is a love story. Del Toro's heart lies in the passion he coveys in his vision, execution and the art form itself.

His tall tale, set in Cold War-era Baltimore, concerns the non-traditional relationship between a mute cleaning woman and an aquatic man-like creature. Outwardly, it may not be the most original concept, especially if you reduce it down to a mash-up of CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON and SPLASH with a little BEAUTY AND THE BEAST thrown in for good measure. But del Toro's take on the proceedings, adding characters like Richard Jenkins' closeted artist (my choice for the Best Supporting Actor over Sam Rockwell) and Sally Hawkins' Elisa, the big fish's gf, as well as some wonderful homages to cinema itself, warmed my soul as no other film has in recent memory. There are nit-picky flaws here and there which kept from from being that absolutely perfect jewel, such as Michael Shannon cast once again as the heavy, though, thankfully not in a merely stereotypical sense.Maybe I appreciate these rough edges since they are honed down by some gasp inducing visuals and emotional points that embedded this film into my internal film vault forever. I floated out of the cinema in a state of bliss on yes, the shape of water..

Bravo, Guillermo. I'm sorry I doubted you. And thank you. I couldn't have picked a better birthday film for myself and THE SHAPE OF WATER was the perfect gift. I hope Oscar smiles upon you.