Search and Rescue

Well, that a close one. A theater group almost got away with producing one of my shows without my consent, written contract or royalty payment. But, by gum, I caught 'em just in the nick o' time. Hoo-ray for me.

The story is rather silly and a wee bit embarrassing, but what the diggity dog, who gives a hoot in hell since it has a happy ending, amIright?

Last year, I was contacted by a theater group interested in one of my melodramas. (I'm leaving names out of this since everything has been settled to my satisfaction, which I usually can't get me no) I sent them a script and contract ASAP as they wanted to get on the boards by May. Unfortunately, Covid took over the world and theaters shut down here, there and everywhere. That meant said production was kaput as a few of my others were as well. I found it funny that the theater didn't contact me about no go, the show, but this pandemic thing knocked everyone for a loop and I gave them a pass.

This year, things were looking up again (at least for a little while) and I was fortunate enough to have a few plays back on stage again. I began to solicit theaters again about because hey, the show must go on, if at all possible of course. I sent a message to this particular troupe a little over two weeks ago inquiring if they might want to produce the same show they canceled perhaps next year. No reply. Ah well. Nice try anyway. 

Cut to this last Sunday. I'm farting around on the computer when I should be WRITING, but instead, I check my e-mail to find another message from Publishers Clearing House in my in box. Now don't shame me. I enter their contests now and then and have done so for some time. It's not like I'm blowing my shekels on lottery tickets. The entries are free, m'kay?  They even have their search engine called Search and Win. Every search is an entry in whatever contest they're running. I haven't played in awhile and when I do, I just enter my my name in the search and see what pops up. (There's another post I wrote a few years back about this: GO GOOGLE YOURSELF) Anyway, I wanted another chance for MILLIONS OF DOLLARS so I entered something else, the name of that melodrama in question.

Son of a bitch.

There was an audition notice for my play on Facebook. The dates were a month ago. The show was scheduled for this coming weekend. The very same theater.

UH OH...

No contract. No consent. No royalty. Whoopsie-daisy! I've been down this road before. 

Needless to say, but I'm going to anyway, I flew into warp drive with ahead full of steam and contacted as many of this theater's personnel as I could. boy, those strongly worded e-mails sure do the trick. Within a couple of hours, my in-box contained a message from the main culprit, the theater's treasurer who apologized profusely, had deleted the contract I sent a year ago so may I send another and would overnight a royalty payment to me the very next day. Contract sent back that afternoon and Tuesday night when I arrived home, my wife presented me with an overnight letter from the theater containing a check made out to yours truly, royalties for three performances paid in full.

WHEW!

The proof is in the postal pudding

So, kids, listen closely. I dodged another bullet here. Putting my work out there sometimes makes me a target. If you are an independent author such as myself, you must put your name and work(s) on Google Alerts (though this time they failed me. PCH for the win!) and every once in awhile, search on your own. Go to Bing, Yahoo, whatever else is out there. Just do it. Protect yourself if you are self-published. Be pro-active. Be vigilant. You may not have a publisher and their legal team on your side, but you do have recourse. The law is on your side. Remember that.

As for me, I'm hoping to get $5000 a week for the rest of my life from Publishers Clearing House so that I don't have to worry about this crap anymore. But until that day comes, I'm sleeping with one eye open. 

Go Google Yourself

In a combination of both vanity and insecurity, I Google myself at least once a week.

It's not exactly something I'm proud of, but I can't feel too much shame either. After all, no hair has grown on my palms. I don't think I'm going blind, though my eyesight has been getting worse. (That could be a sign of advancing age) And to tell you the honest to God truth, I don't think it's a sin.

Actually, typing your own name into a search engine and watching it pop up on various sites on the Internet can be rather satisfying in an extremely narcissistic way. (yes, I need this sort of validation in my life. This is true especially if you aren't the only one out there who bears your name. I can't help but be a little tickled pink to know that my stuff dominates the Scott Cherney listings. There are the numerous sites where my books appear for sale (Target.com is a recent example, as is Loot.co.za, a South African site) in both English and foreign languages. Of course, this all pissing in the wind since I just received an In the Dark royalty check for a whopping $2.01. Isn't that amazing since there are so many bargains out there, like Shop.com, offering In the Dark , originally priced at 17.95, now at the rock-bottom price of 17.94! Ka-ching!

Then there are numerous ways to find this here blog (this format being another just another form of narcissism) as well as a bunch of others concerning Pollardville, especially after this last year. I found an article in which my name appeared on my hometown newspaper website (Recordnet.com) concerning movies filmed in the Stockton area and the locals who became part of the production in front of and behind the camera. I'm proud as punch to say I'm on the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB).

I also found this on a German website from what I think is a high school. From what I can gather, one of the sketches I wrote (and included in my book Now THAT'S Funny) entitled
Monkeyshines was performed at some comedy revue at this school. Hoo-fucking-ray for me. Here's the posting:

E.T. - English Theater am Alex
Unter dem Motto „Witty, Wicked & Weird – Gewitzt, gemein & einfach nur schräg“ präsentierte „E.T.“, die im Herbst 2004 neu gegründete englischsprachige Theatergruppe am Gymnasium Alexandrinum unter der Leitung von Herrn Weese, ein Potpourri des anglo-amerikanischen Humors. Vertreten waren Klassiker aus dem absurden Repertoire der Monty Pythons ebenso wie Rowan Atkinson („Mr.Bean“), aber auch in Deutschland weniger bekannte Sketche aus dem englischen „Pantomime“-Fundus sowie – aus Anlass von Peter Jacksons Neuverfilmung des „King Kong“-Stoffes – the big gorilla himself in dem Sketch „Monkeyshines“ von Scott Cherney. Schüler der 8. bis 13. Jahrgangsstufe unterhielten das Publikum mit zehn gespielten Witzen, in denen essenzielle Fragen wie diese geklärt wurden: Wie unterscheidet man einen toten Papagei von einem, der einfach nur seine Ruhe haben möchte? Wie holt man King Kong gewaltfrei vom Empire State Building? Was macht ein Unsichtbarer im Pendlerzug, wenn ihn die Langeweile quält?

Can anybody translate this for me? Am I a hero in Germany or will I be arrested by the state police? Whatever. I'm international now.

So that's who this Scott Cherney is. The other Scott Cherneys include a "self-described computer geek" who also owns some hunting dogs in Wisconsin, an opthamalogist in Eugene, Oregon (little too close for comfort), an expert on the subject of stress (that could be me as well) and some schmuck in Oklahoma who has had his parental rights taken away. There seems to have been some impropriety involved with his children. This is NOT, I repeat NOT me. Oh, and if I can add: Ew.

There is another Scott Cherney too that this woman (or girl) wrote a poem about. Here it is:

First Sight by Tessa Eichorst

The first day I ever saw you in my life, I was hooked on you.

From your eyes to your smile I saw everything I've dreamed of in a guy.

Even though I didn't know you or even meet you, I was hooked at first sight.

Then a year later I finally saw you again, and I finally met you.

To me there is nothing wrong with you, except for the fact that you make my knees go weak whenever I see you.

You're smart, funny, sweet, and kind; now I just can't even seem to get you out of my mind.

I tell we've grown closer as friends; your little winks and comforting hugs makes every time I see you never end.

Whenever I lay my eyes on you its just like that first sight all over again.

This poem is about a guy that made me realize one summer that the outside appearance doesn't always matter.

He made me become a better person, so Scott Cherney thank you for that.

It's not about me. I don't know this person, but I post it here because it's kind of reassuring to know that there is someone in the world who shares the same name as you has been able to touch someone's heart like this guy did. Way to go, Scott.

Don't like it?

Fine.

Then Google this, sucka.