Special Guest Star: Adam West

There's an old saying, supposedly attributed to Marcel Proust, that states "Never meet your heroes. You'll always be disappointed".  Proust never met Adam West. I did and Marcel can go choke on a Madeline. 

I was all of 11 years old with the BATMAN TV series debuted. As an early comic book fan of a certain age this had to be the best news I could imagine. Already I had Sean Connery's James Bond and Christopher Lee's Dracula on my shelf of childhood heroes with Clint Eastwood's Man with No Name waiting in the wings. But a live version of the Caped Crusader's exploits meant my generation could have with the kids before us had with Superman. Sure, I watched Supe's show, but the stories were pedestrian and the series itself had already become dated by the time I got around to watch that. Much like today, we kids wanted something new and BATMAN fit the bill. It also had three extra added attractions that elevated it over THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN. A) Two episodes a week, the first ending in a cliffhanger just like the cereals at the Saturday afternoon matinees that they no longer made. B) supervillains galore direct from the comics-Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Catwoman (here kitty, kitty...hello, Julie Newmar!) and more. And C) The shows were in living color! When the first show aired though, it actually was perplexing at least to this young 'un. High camp ruled the day and the show went out of its way to go over the top. I really didn't want to feel insulted, thinking that they were mocking a world I wanted to be a part of twice a week. But they dangled shiny objects in front of me with lots of cool gadgets and vehicles like the Batmobile, utility belt etc., a nifty Neil Hefti score with that classic theme song and fight scenes'a plenty. It wasn't long before the inherent silliness won me over including the entire world. 

Of course it couldn't have worked without the man behind the cape: Adam West. Leading men of the early to mid sixties who primarily worked in episodic television were a quirky bunch and West was no exception. I always wanted to see he, William Shatner and Robert Culp together to showcase their unique styles. In particular, Adam's portrayal of the Caped Crusader was an absolute study and commitment to character, making Batman so straight laced that he damn near breaks into pieces, yet holds it together with Super Glue like durability. His line delivery is near flat, but seasoned with pure sincerity and authority, playing that one note so masterfully and allowing himself to have as much fun as he could with a totally straight face.  You know he's in on the joke. He knows you know he's in on the joke. But he never admits that this is a joke at all which made his Batman iconic. Granted, physically West is a bit paunchy for his tights by today's standards, but back then, the buff were relegated to the gyms and beaches not on screen speakers at all unless part of ancient mythology. But Adam dove into the deep end mask first, kicking butts and taking names, saving Gotham City from the likes of evildoers at the end of the day or second episode to be exact. He, like George Reeves' Superman, Clayton Moore's Lone Ranger and Buster Crabbe's Flash Gordon all embodied their personas and, for the most of us kids and adults alike, they were the real deal. 

Of course things came to an end for BATMAN and Adam found himself stuck in his lane, finding it difficult to attain roles, pigeon-holed in the industry that didn't allow for many chances to break away and try something new. He managed a career for himself, but nothing had reached the heights of his greatest success. How do you compete with a phenomenon? Sure, he traded in on his most famous role when he could, especially in cartoons like SUPEFRIENDS, but why shouldn't he? BATMAN was a huge show, but the money didn't pour in back in the Sixties and residuals dried quickly. Man's gotta eat, pay some bills, y'know. West continued to be a working actor, even dipping his toe into low budget fare with titles like THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES HOLLYWOOD, ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE and NIGHT OF THE KICKFIGHTERS.

In 1987, Adam was cast in RETURN FIRE: JUNGLE WOLF II produced by and starring karate legend Ron Marchini who had gone into the action movie business in films similar to his Olympic karate team mate Chuck Norris. Ron's movies were a little lower on the food chain, but had done quite well in the Asian market. This romp was a sequel to...can you guess the title?...another variation on the Rambo theme so prevalent at the time. As luck would have it, RETURN FIRE was shot in my hometown of Stockton, CA.

I was hired as an assistant director or, most accurately, second second assistant director. That is not a typo. That was indeed my title. It was my first gig on a movie crew and I had no experience to speak of, so I didn't object. I didn't care what they called me. I could have been third AD or even third third AD and I still would have gladly taken it, especially when I discovered Mr. Adam West was cast as the main villain of the piece.

Marchini's co-producer on this epic informed the crew that Adam was to be considered the DMZ to all of us. In other words, don't bug the star. Don't engage in conversation not related to the production. Don't pester him by any means at all, especially about BATMAN, otherwise face certain expulsion. This was disconcerting to say the least, but since Mr. West was kind of down-punching to be in this film to begin with, perhaps he could be a lil' touchy and not want the attention. You know them Hollywood types. I abided by the rules because this was my dream job. I always wanted to be a second second. On a night shoot at a cemetery, someone crossed the line. The cook on the production crew who provided meals of a sort to a hungry crew, had been in his cups and stumbled over to Mr. West when no one else was around. I never found out what he said to Adam, only that we were minus a cook the next day. When we broke for lunch, we had KFC.

However, when I finally met The Man himself, he could not have been any more gracious. One morning, I decided to dip my toe into the celebrity pond when I mentioned to him that before I arrived on the set, I watched him in a couple of scenes from HOOPER which had been playing on HBO as I was getting ready. It was a scene where Adam's character is about to rescue a dog in a high fall, but of course is replaced by his stunt double Hooper (Burt Reynolds). Adam lit up and with a big goofy smile said that he came up with the line "I love danger!", a miniscule piece that he proudly owned. Every little bit helps, I surmised, even for Adam West.

Unfortunately, I missed most of his scenes since that same producer decreed a closed set edict and I had other duties to perform on the production, wrangling extras and the like. However I was present for his last day of shooting set in a hangar at Stockton Metropolitan Airport. He had been engaged in a shoot-out with the hero, dodging bullets left and right, calling out at one point, "STEVE!!! BE REA-SONABLE!!!", drawing out that last word for emphasis in that unmistakable voice of his. For years after, it became a catch-phrase between myself and some friends that also worked on the shoot. As the crew was setting up for the next shot, I caught Adam all by himself running his lines before his final scene.  Out of bullets, Adam, being the cowardly bad guy that he was in this flick, decides to take it on the lam, but he doesn't get very far since Steve Parish (Marchini) gets the drop on him. West pleads innocence, saying "Look, Steve..." as he steps forward hands in the air. He tried it once, then again more convincingly until he gave one last spin. "Look, Steve..." he coos seductively, biting his lower lip as he moves in for a smooch, cracking himself up in the process. He stopped dead in his tracks and shook it off before getting back to the business at hand. Witnessing what was supposed to be a private moment delighted me to no end, a true insight to the man who probably didn't feel like he was slumming on a picture like this after all, considering it just another job for the working actor he had always been and the true professional he always would be. 

To prove that point, Adam returned a couple of years later to appear in another Ron Marchini actioner, this one entitled OMEGA COP which also featured Stuart Whitman and Troy Donahue. His scenes in this one were the highlight of the film, other than me getting the crap beaten out of me as a mutant. According his filmography on IMDB, that was his final foray into the realm of low budget movies. He continued to work for another twenty five years, finally a semi-regular voice-over work on Seth MacFarlane's FAMILY GUY playing...Mayor Adam West, a Bizarro world version of himself that must have tickled his fancy to no end. And on 2012, he had finally he been honored with a much deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

The last time I saw him was on his Facebook page, sharing a video of cooking a pot roast for his family. Somehow, this had been a fitting a tribute to the man as any, just Adam being Adam. 

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=10154374560013024

More close encounters of the celebrity kind can be found collected on  SPECIAL GUEST STARS

Go Google Yourself

In a combination of both vanity and insecurity, I Google myself at least once a week.

It's not exactly something I'm proud of, but I can't feel too much shame either. After all, no hair has grown on my palms. I don't think I'm going blind, though my eyesight has been getting worse. (That could be a sign of advancing age) And to tell you the honest to God truth, I don't think it's a sin.

Actually, typing your own name into a search engine and watching it pop up on various sites on the Internet can be rather satisfying in an extremely narcissistic way. (yes, I need this sort of validation in my life. This is true especially if you aren't the only one out there who bears your name. I can't help but be a little tickled pink to know that my stuff dominates the Scott Cherney listings. There are the numerous sites where my books appear for sale (Target.com is a recent example, as is Loot.co.za, a South African site) in both English and foreign languages. Of course, this all pissing in the wind since I just received an In the Dark royalty check for a whopping $2.01. Isn't that amazing since there are so many bargains out there, like Shop.com, offering In the Dark , originally priced at 17.95, now at the rock-bottom price of 17.94! Ka-ching!

Then there are numerous ways to find this here blog (this format being another just another form of narcissism) as well as a bunch of others concerning Pollardville, especially after this last year. I found an article in which my name appeared on my hometown newspaper website (Recordnet.com) concerning movies filmed in the Stockton area and the locals who became part of the production in front of and behind the camera. I'm proud as punch to say I'm on the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB).

I also found this on a German website from what I think is a high school. From what I can gather, one of the sketches I wrote (and included in my book Now THAT'S Funny) entitled
Monkeyshines was performed at some comedy revue at this school. Hoo-fucking-ray for me. Here's the posting:

E.T. - English Theater am Alex
Unter dem Motto „Witty, Wicked & Weird – Gewitzt, gemein & einfach nur schräg“ präsentierte „E.T.“, die im Herbst 2004 neu gegründete englischsprachige Theatergruppe am Gymnasium Alexandrinum unter der Leitung von Herrn Weese, ein Potpourri des anglo-amerikanischen Humors. Vertreten waren Klassiker aus dem absurden Repertoire der Monty Pythons ebenso wie Rowan Atkinson („Mr.Bean“), aber auch in Deutschland weniger bekannte Sketche aus dem englischen „Pantomime“-Fundus sowie – aus Anlass von Peter Jacksons Neuverfilmung des „King Kong“-Stoffes – the big gorilla himself in dem Sketch „Monkeyshines“ von Scott Cherney. Schüler der 8. bis 13. Jahrgangsstufe unterhielten das Publikum mit zehn gespielten Witzen, in denen essenzielle Fragen wie diese geklärt wurden: Wie unterscheidet man einen toten Papagei von einem, der einfach nur seine Ruhe haben möchte? Wie holt man King Kong gewaltfrei vom Empire State Building? Was macht ein Unsichtbarer im Pendlerzug, wenn ihn die Langeweile quält?

Can anybody translate this for me? Am I a hero in Germany or will I be arrested by the state police? Whatever. I'm international now.

So that's who this Scott Cherney is. The other Scott Cherneys include a "self-described computer geek" who also owns some hunting dogs in Wisconsin, an opthamalogist in Eugene, Oregon (little too close for comfort), an expert on the subject of stress (that could be me as well) and some schmuck in Oklahoma who has had his parental rights taken away. There seems to have been some impropriety involved with his children. This is NOT, I repeat NOT me. Oh, and if I can add: Ew.

There is another Scott Cherney too that this woman (or girl) wrote a poem about. Here it is:

First Sight by Tessa Eichorst

The first day I ever saw you in my life, I was hooked on you.

From your eyes to your smile I saw everything I've dreamed of in a guy.

Even though I didn't know you or even meet you, I was hooked at first sight.

Then a year later I finally saw you again, and I finally met you.

To me there is nothing wrong with you, except for the fact that you make my knees go weak whenever I see you.

You're smart, funny, sweet, and kind; now I just can't even seem to get you out of my mind.

I tell we've grown closer as friends; your little winks and comforting hugs makes every time I see you never end.

Whenever I lay my eyes on you its just like that first sight all over again.

This poem is about a guy that made me realize one summer that the outside appearance doesn't always matter.

He made me become a better person, so Scott Cherney thank you for that.

It's not about me. I don't know this person, but I post it here because it's kind of reassuring to know that there is someone in the world who shares the same name as you has been able to touch someone's heart like this guy did. Way to go, Scott.

Don't like it?

Fine.

Then Google this, sucka.