Bah-dump-bump!

How about that Barbara Walters doing the beast with two backs with the very married Senator Edward Brooke? Here's an exclusive transcript from their den of sin:

"So, Senator Bwooke, what kind of twee would you like to be? (zipppppp!) Oh, it's twue, it's twue! It's twue!"

Yep. That's our Baba Wawa, the original Lily von Shtupp.

What a twamp.

Bah-dump-bump!

Josh Brolin is George W. Bush in the new Oliver Stone movie. So you're telling me that Timothy Bottoms was too busy?

Bah-dump-bump!

Beyonce Knowles is preggers! By this time next year, she will be the proud mother of a Beyonce baby boy.

Bah-dump-bump!


I've got a hundred of 'em...

So let's segue from Bah-dump-bump to Bada-bing...(ew)

With THE SOPRANOS long gone, my appetite for gangland drama has been voracious as of late. THE DEPARTED filled the void for awhile and I find myself drawn to its flame like a retarded moth everytime it hits cable, which lately has been daily. Still, I need more more more as Andrea True once sang, so I've delved into the international market. Yakuza (the Japanese equivalent of the Mafia) films always foot the bill, particularly those by Kenji Fukasaku whose work includes SYMPATHY FOR THE UNDERDOG and the five part saga BATTLES WITHOUT HONOUR AND HUMANITY. I've been gaga for French crime mellers since the late great Jules Dassin's RIFIFI. My favorites among these have been Jacques Becker's TOUCHEZ PAS AU GRISBI (the English translation being DON'T TOUCH THE LOOT. Love it.) and Jean-Pierre Melville's LE CERCLE ROUGE.

But lately, I've been caught up in Chinese director Johnny To's films about the Triad gangs, ELECTION and its immediate sequel TRIAD ELECTION. These two cold-blooded tales are intricate in their story telling as well as crash courses in modern Chinese culture, particularly since the end of the British occupation. They are also extremely devious by nature. At one point, you're almost led to believe that a main protagonist is quite benign and almost humane in his depiction as the story unravels until he suddenly becomes the most sadistic character of the bunch. Chilling, thrilling and always fascinating, Johnny To's movies always delivered. Also check out To's FULLTIME KILLER with Andy Lau. And if you haven't seen THE DEPARTED because for some dumb damn reason you don't care for Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon and/or Jack Nicholson, then at least watch the orginal Chinese version, INFERNAL AFFAIRS, directed by Andy Lau and Alan Mak. It's still a good story. Scorsese just improved on it because, well, he's Martin Scorsese.

Lame comedy mixed with excellent recommendations.
What more do you want out of a blog?

Peeing in the Sand

Portrait of the author at work.

How many blogs must a blogger post

Before they can call you a blogger?

The answer, my friend, is peeing in the sand.

The answer is peeing in the sand.

Yessiree-bob, another analogy to blogging.



The other one had to do with that tree falling in the forest. I'm actually beginning to think it relates to self-publishing my book. Is it making a sound? Is the tide erasing any evidence of it? Are my feet getting wet?

Enough of this shilly-shally. I've got an announcement to make:



At long last, my book, RED ASPHALT is available for sale on the one and only Amazon.com. Those of you holding out for the legitimacy of said goliath conglomerate carrying my first novel can now purchase it from a company with which you feel comfortable. (click on the title of this here blog or I'll bop you with this here lollipop) Everyone else can go to the source, Lulu.com for a copy or to be able to download it for a fraction of the cost. That, of course, is:
http://www.lulu.com/content/1885435

As for the photo above. Well, kids, the year would be maybe 1958. The location is Capitola, California which is just down the road from Santa Cruz. Those of you who have enjoyed sun-bathing on that beach over the years have probably laid your heads right where I was taking a leak.

So much has happened this year as I've been trying like hell to promote this book. I feel like the world's been passing me by.The writers' strike, the Oscars, the end of THE WIRE, Bryan Cranston in BREAKING BAD, the passing of Jules Dassin, Charlton Heston and Richard Widmark-all without a peep outta me...and don't think that didn't hurt. So the next few entries are getting away from RED ASPHALT primarily and back to the business known as show.

In the meantime, here's a YouTube link to something I appeared in back in the early 90s, filmed at Pollardville Ghost Town
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=263wvXvQBow

Thanks to Randy Mann for sharing this with me. It makes me miss the Ville all over again.

Red Asphalt: Road Rash

So it's put up or shut up time. Aty long last, here's an excerpt from the magnum opus in question, RED ASPHALT, written by moi. This is from the chapter called "Road Rash".
An exclusive exceprt from my novel RED ASPHALT

Due to the intensity of this revenge scenario that had played out on the main stage of the theater of my mind, I had inadvertently driven way off course and ended up on the
northeast side of Stockton. I had locked myself into a trance and, quite honestly, put myself and anyone else on the road in potentially great danger. In my anger, I had blanked out.
My old traffic school lessons popped into my head. I could hear myself lecturing my students on the subject of maintaining one’s cool.
“You must take responsibility when you are behind the wheel of an automobile. You are the captain of the ship. You are in charge. You are in control. Therefore, you must keep yourself in check. Don’t let your emotions get away from you. It can definitely affect your driving. If you lose control of yourself, how can you expect not to lose control of your vehicle?”
Forty pair of attentive eyes would be focused on me as I’d continue my dissertation on road rage.
“You have to understand that you do not have a right to drive. No. In the eyes of the law, it is a privilege and as such, can be taken away from you if you abuse that privilege.”
Oh, my. How sanctimonious can we get?
“But, look, we’re all human beings. We all have bad days. There are times when we are simply P.O.ed. Your boss yelled at you. You and your significant other are not getting along. The IRS is breathing down your neck. There could be a million and one reasons and sometimes, all of them at the same time. BUT you have no right to take it out on the rest of the world with your car...or your truck...or your van...or whatever you drive. That, my friends is assault with a deadly weapon.”
There would actually be a hush in the room after that monologue. Maybe I got through to them. Maybe they were just embarrassed for me.
Obviously, I had never taken one of my own classes so these words fell on my deaf ears. Do as I say not as I do, I’d rationalize. This just made me another hypocrite in the world. With this truth staring me in the face, my short-lived career as
a traffic school instructor has just been negated, just another zero to make my life continually add up to nothing.
I needed to get back on track, so I took Highway 99 heading toward Modesto and floored it, still stewing in my own angry juices. Attempting to blow off some steam by driving it off was a total contradiction of what I used to teach, but that was not my concern. I had a raging mad-on and I had to get rid of it somehow.
Unfortunately, the road ahead of me had not been clear. In the fast lane, being the wrong place at the wrong time was an elderly gentleman in a Mercury sedan, traveling way below the speed limit. Semi trucks occupied the other lanes and there was no way around him. Naturally, in the crazed state of mind I found myself in, this brought me back to the boiling point once again. It became necessary for me to encourage him to pick up the pace, right on his rear bumper.

“Excuse me, sir? Sir? You are in the FAST lane. You’re supposed to drive FAST. Why are you driving SLOW? LET’S GO! TOO SLOW! LET’S GO! Would you like a PUSH, HMMMMM????”
I slowly accelerated my vehicle so that it could kiss the rear bumper of Old Man Driver. From fifty to fifty-five to sixty to sixty-five to seventy in mere seconds, I could see him grasp his steering wheel in a death grip. We locked fenders and I pushed the outside of the envelope even further as I took Chuck Yeager here for a blast from the past.
“Mach one!” I cried.
The sound barrier broke as we screamed down Highway 99.
“Mach two!” I bellowed as the glass from the instrument panel exploded into a thousand shards.
Sparks sprayed from all sides of our conjoined cars and I laughed as only demons can. Old Man Driver was frozen in fear. It was all he could do to keep his Mercury in control. The stupid old fart! Didn’t he know that I was in control?
“Mach three!” I cheered as I slammed on the brakes, separating our vehicles and Old Man River was set free.
As if shot out of a cannon, his car was propelled on its own and at even greater speed, veering off to the right and onto the off ramp of an overpass. Up it flew like a raging comet as Old Man Driver and his Mercury ignited into a giant fireball and launched into space, sailing into the heavens like an authentic Mercury astronaut. Jetting skyward toward the edge of the earth’s atmosphere, Old Man Driver suddenly exploded into a Fourth of July display.

Observing the spectacle from below, I led the crowd in a chorus of “Ooh! Aah!”

Copyright 2004 by Scott Cherney

For more information on RED ASPHALT, visit: http://www.scottcherney.com/red-asphalt.html

One on One with Scott Cherney (Literally)-Part Three

Finally, the exciting thrill-packed conclusion to the exclusive interview with Scott Cherney, author of RED ASPHALT, who us being interviewed by himself because A) no else would and B) no one like him.

ETC:You said that you based Calvin (Wheeler, the main character of RED ASPHALT) on yourself.

SCOTT CHERNEY: That’s right. Thanks for paying attention.

ETC: It’s what I do.

SC:That’s not all you do…

ETC: What?

SC: Nothing. Do you a question?

ETC:What personality traits do you and Calvin share?

SC:Well, we’re both extremely opinionated and we share a lot of the same views. This was a good way for me to rant and rave about certain subjects-like technology, for example-that have been festering inside out of me with no place to go. Sometimes my writing becomes a forum for me to blow off steam.

ETC: A lot of hot air, you mean.

SC: No, I don’t and you’re a clod. Anyway, Calvin and I are both dreamers, more often than not to the point of total distraction. We also obstinate, morose and painfully insecure, though I don’t think I’m the terminal case that Calvin is in this regard. We both loners, but I’m much more social than he ever has been. Calvin is what I would have been like without the wonderful people I’ve allowed in my life. I’m talking about my friends-and I’ve great friends in my life-the family I now have…certainly my wife Laurie…and the fantastic people I met through my theater days, the Pollardville gang and other playgrounds I romped around in over the years. I really miss acting.

ETC: Calvin acted too.

SC: Yeah, but he didn’t like it. That’s one way we differ. He doesn’t play well with others. Calvin did enjoy his time teaching traffic school since it afforded him to be a one man band.

ETC: Did you enjoy it?

SC: Sure. It was a blast. It paid well too. Traffic school was a way to get stand-up comedy out of my system since the experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

ETC: Do you mean when you won the Stockton Comedy Competition?

SC: Uh-huh. Winning the competition became the high point and there was nowhere else to go afterward, at least not for me. I had no direction, no guidance and just floundered on the dock like a ..well, flounder. I always felt like I blew my shot. Traffic school at least was a way to figure out if I wanted to continue or not and actually became a fairly positive point in my life.

ETC: How else are you and Calvin alike?

SC: We both share this obsession with time. That comes out of insecurity as well. It stems from fear. Fear of running out of time before making one’s mark in the world, which of course is the most futile act in the grand scheme of things. It ‘s tough to look at the big picture. No one wants to be made to feel insignificant. But then again, perception is everything. I guess it depends which end of the telescope you’re looking through.

ETC: Or microscope.

SC: Yep. But you know, I have come to realize that worrying about wasting time is really one big waste of time.

ETC: What other ways do you and Calvin differ?

SC: You mean other than the killings and all? Calvin’s an isolationist, like I said before. That’s not healthy. You have to talk to somebody. All he does is talk to himself. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and feels like a martyr. When he feels that the whole world is against him, he takes it out on his telemarketer. Calvin becomes a bully just to make him feel better about himself.

ETC: Why didn’t you describe what Calvin looks like?

SC: I purposelessly left it vague. I preferred to let the reader fill in those gaps. Calvin makes a lot-I mean a lot of disparaging comments about certain characters’ weight or appearance and other than the cold sore he has, Calvin doesn’t talk about his own physical shortcomings. He’s really immaturely shallow in those regards. He's a hypocrite. He hates it when others judge him, yet he feels justified criticizing everybody else. The readers can take their own shots if they wish. But I don’t let Calvin get away with anything. Not one bit.

ETC: Doesn't Calvin's last name, Wheeler, have some significance?

SC: Why, yes it does. It actually comes from an old Goofy cartoon from the "50s or '60s about road rage, of all things. It wasn't called that back then. Anyway, Goofy was kind of a Jekyll/Hyde character. The nice guy was Mr. Walker who loved babies and kittens and whatever. But once he got behind the wheel he transformed into the monster Mr. Wheeler. Once again, another act of larceny on my part. I remember seeing this cartoon on THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY, but I might have also seen it in driver training. I would have loved to have shown it in traffic school.

ETC:RED ASPHALT is dedicated to Don and Mike. Who are they?

SC: Radio Gods. Don Geronimo and Mike O’Meara are the hosts of the nationally syndicated radio show aptly named The Don and Mike show. I’ve been listening to them since about the time I conceived RED ASPHALT back in the early ‘90s. It’s a talk show, not unlike Howard Stern’s…of that comedic genre, shall we say. Some people like Howard, I prefer Don and Mike. I always did. I still am a big fan even I listen to them on tape delay here in Portland. I give them a lot of the credit for keeping me from turning into Calvin.

ETC:How so?

SC: By just making me laugh. Don and Mike have a way of drawing listeners into their world and making them part of the conversation. It’s like hanging out with your best friends and shooting the shit for a few hours a day. When they came along, I was going through a rough patch. My family life was in turmoil, I really couldn’t stand my job and I had a lot of doubts that would ever do anything of any sort significance again. I felt like my creative pilot light had just blown out. I actually remember the moment that it happened and it scared the holy shit out of me. I had questions about my sanity too. To keep my mind off my ongoing pain, I’d listen to the radio while I worked. In those days, it was mighty slim pickings. Music was in the dumpster, So there was talk radio.There were the doctors-Dean Edell and Laura Schlesinger, two different ends of the spectrum, both equally maddening. The right wing wingnuts drove me batty. NPR put me to sleep. And there was Larry King, just off nights and starting a daytime snoozefest. Suddenly came this show originating from Washington,D.C. It was childish and immature at times, but also wise and accessible also, sometimes all at the same time. On top of all that, it was balls-out funny. It made me forget what I was commiserating about and just laugh it off. My problems would still there, but they were a hell of a lot easier to deal with after I would laugh my ass off. Comedy is therapeutic. For me, so is The Don and Mike Show. Don is retiring this year and Mike is going off on his own, so I dedicated just in the nick of time. As I say in the dedication, it’s my thanks to them for making me laugh when I needed it the most. And I still do.

ETC: RED ASPHALT is self-published, is it not?

SC: Yes, it is, through an online publisher called Lulu that I published NOW THAT’S FUNNY! through. I tried to get it published the conventional way. I finished my book in 2004 and sent it to over three dozen publishers and at least twenty agents. Nothing. I got frustrated and thought RED ASPHALT should see the light of day and not sit in storage forever. Sending it out is time consuming…there’s that goddamn time thing again! It’s true. So I went back to Lulu and here we are. It’s a bear doing it all yourself. I recommend it only if you have the stamina. Self publishing is one thing, but promotion and marketing...?Oy. It's all online and I'm not exactly that computer savvy. I'm pretty much of a Luddite as it is. I'm self taught on this infernal contraption. Don't get me started! (old man voice) "You kids and your Internets! And your music... it's just noise!"I really wish someone else had do all this for me, but here I am and I’m not going to let myself down. This way is extremely time consuming too, but at least it’s moving forward. I'm all about forward momentum at this point in my life. Of course, explaining all this to my grandson Sebastian put it all in perspective. I told him about publishing the book myself after it got turned down and he just said, “What’s the matter? Didn’t they think it was any good?” Out of the mouth of babes, as they say. By the way, he’s out of the will.

ETC: Well, there is one other main difference between you and Calvin?

SC: What’s that?

ETC: Unlike Calvin, your book is published.

SC: You’re right. You know what? You’re okay.

ETC: So am I.

SC: Yeah. Huh?

NOW ON SALE IN PAPERBACK AND KINDLE AT AMAZON

Next up: An excerpt from RED ASPHALT
Yeah for free, suckas.

FOR MORE INFO ON RED ASPHALT AND MY OTHER WORKS, VISIT MY WEBSITE
Okay, fine. PLEASE!

One on One with Scott Cherney (Literally)-Part Two

Continuing with the first bloggerview (interview blog, whatever) with Scott Cherney, author of the brand spanking new novel, RED ASPHALT.


ETC: You mentioned that Calvin (the main character of RED ASPHALT) believes he has a great gift to give to the world. What might this great gift be?

SCOTT CHERNEY: Calvin is under the impression that he could very well be the next George Lucas. He has been working on a novel for almost a decade, one that considers has the potential to explode into a major phenomenon with unlimited franchise potential. He's so convinced of its success that he is staking his entire life on it, pretty to the exclusion of everything else.

ETC: Sounds like a "do-or-die" situation.

SC: As a matter of fact, it is, in more ways than one. The book becomes an all-consuming obsession for him. It's a romantic notion to say that...to quote yet another movie because that's what I do...there's a line in a great film witten and directed by John Milius called THE WIND AND THE LION when Sean Connery says "Is there not one thing in your life that is worth losing everything for?" Being a romantic, I understand that. So does Calvin. His "one thing" is his book. But just because it's romantic doesn't make it any less impractical.

ETC: What is the name of this magnum opus in question?

SC: Say what?

ETC: What's this here book he's a'writin'?

SC: It's called ABRACADABRA, a massive, colossal fantasy epic that mashes sword and sorcery together with science fiction and world history into one big ass casserole. ABRACADABRA is an old concept of my very own that goes back to the late 1970s. Just like so many pieces I've worked on over the years, it sat in storage ready to be shit-canned, but I ended up saving it by sticking it into RED ASPHALT when I turned Calvin into a writer. I'm really pleased that I gave
ABRACADABRA one last chance because it ended up taking on a life all of its own. It also ended up being an integral part of the main story.

ETC: How so?

SC: At one point, Calvin says, "Without magic, life is nothing." Later on, he's convinced that there is no real magic, only tricks we play on ourselves. Abracadabra. It's also a better title than PRESTO CHANGE-O.

ETC: Is he right?

SC: There is no right or wrong. It depends on your perspective. I don't want to get into a debate about faith vs logic. Again, I'm a romantic. I think miracles can happen and that's not religious dogma, just goofy optimism, something I tend to balance with bitter cynicism. It makes a nice cocktail, don't you think? On the other hand, Calvin feels duped, especially by himself. When he realizes what his delusions have cost him, he thinks it was all just a trick. There's a big difference between delusions and imagination. Calvin doesn't realize that until it's too late.

ETC: How does a "big ass casserole" taste?

SC: With the right ingredients, not too shabby. If you cook it right, it hardly has a trace of ass.

ETC: It sounds yummy. Is Calvin a good cook?

SC: You mean a good writer? He could be. He has a lot of good ideas, but he's never completed anything, nor has he shown any of his work to anybody. He tells his wife about the book. He even discusses its progress with her. But he's never shown any of it. He wants to wait until until it's finished and it may never be done. ABRACADABRA represents a sanctuary for Calvin. He's safe when he's working on it. Since he's been beginning lose a few marbles, it's always been there for him. Once it's done, he'll have nothing else, nowhere else to go. He'll have to deal with the reality of getting the damn thing published and therefore, out of his control. He wants to succeed, but only on his own terms and it don't work like that. Somebody's going to have to read the damn thing eventually. It keeps it to himself, how will he ever succeed? Does it make ABRACADABRA a book at all? It's that hoary old cliche of the tree that falls in the forest making a sound or not.But that's not even Calvin's biggest problem. Time's a wastin' and he damn well knows it.

ETC: What does that mean?

SC: He's been working on ABRACADABRA for so long that it's starting to fade away from him and he knows that. He hasn't even begun to assemble a workable first draft, opting to just work out the story details first. After seven years, it's getting tired before he's even begun. Time is constant. It doesn't stop for anything. It's certainly not going to wait for Calvin or anyone else for that matter. Time is big theme in RED ASPHALT-the lack of time, time running out, the passage of time, no time, overtime and, like I just said, wasting time. I guess it all boils down to mortality. But with writing, as time zips on past, there's always that possibility that the wonderful idea you have been slaving on for so long will someone else's as well. They may beat you to the punch, even if you came up with that brilliant idea first.

ETC: Explain.

SC: This has happened to me more times than I'd like to admit. My next novel, the one I alluded to earlier, has been my own dream project almost as long as ABRACADABRA was. In that time, I've seen two different things appear on the horizon-one, a movie the other, a TV series. Both derailed my book and forced me to make changes, else it looked like I was ripping them off. The movie was GHOST, the TV show, SIX FEET UNDER. Now that some time has past, I feel confident enough to move ahead.

ETC: This is the second time you've made some connection between you and Calvin

SC: For good reason. I based a lot of Calvin on myself. I've been a lab courier just like Calvin. I also taught traffic school. Calvin lives in the same house where I grew up...I take that back. I lived in the house next door. I'm also a writer with many of the same frustrations and conflicts Calvin has had.

ETC: So RED ASPHALT based on a true story?

SC: Sort of. I prefer "inspired by true events". I took a lot from my own life as inspiration, but it's not a biography. It's not supposed to be. It's a work of fiction. A lot of the people and events are true, but not all. Keep in mind that everyone and everything is seen through Calvin's eyes, a very skewed vision of the world to say the least.

ETC: What's the percentage of fact to fiction?

SC: I'd say about 60/40. That's 60 fact-40 fiction.

ETC: What was your reasoning for doing this?

SC: It's the old chestnut of "write what you know". I actually thought it would be easier. Once I jumped into the deep end of Lake Me, it became a lot more difficult. I began to see the real reason that I had for writing this story to begin with-to exorcise a lot of my personal demons. A lot of this book was written out of pain. Back in the early nineties, when I first conceived of this story, I was on quite a rocky road myself. Much of what I wrote came from a dark place that got even darker once I started digging. I ended up not delving into some of my real issues and instead embellished others in their stead. I didn't begin to see the light until about the middle of the second draft, realizing that this form of cheap therapy was actually working. I used to consider acting a form of therapy, but since I had to put that part of my life on the back burner, I needed another outlet or else I was going to end up a babbling baboon for the rest of my born days.

TO BE CONTINUED
STAY TUNED FOR THE EXCITING THRILL-PACKED CONCLUSION OF
"SCOTT CHERNEY:FACT OR FICTION?"

FOR MORE RED ASPHALT INFO, VISIT MY WEBSITE 

One on One with Scott Cherney (Literally)-Part One

On January 26, 2008, RED ASPHALT, the very first novel written by Scott Cherney, was published and released to the world. Some might say it escaped. (Not me)

RED ASPHALT concerns a week in the life of a troubled medical courier whose life takes a nasty sharp turn into the harshest of realities. When his marriage, job and dreams simultaneously implode, this distant runner-up in the human race suddenly feels empowered for the very first time when he becomes a nightmare on four wheels.

It's not surprising that Scott finally got around to finishing his novel. After all it has been a dream of his since he was knee-high to a grasshopper. You see, I've known Scott all of my life, so it's only fitting that I be the first to interview him on the arrival of RED ASPHALT. This may also be his ONLY interview as well, but only time will tell and as yet...he ain't talkin'.

But Scott is talkin'. I sat down with the author for this exclusive interview that you will see here only at ETC.

ETC: Welcome to Etc.

SCOTT CHERNEY: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.

ETC: The pleasure is all mine.

SC: I know. I just said that.

ETC: Oh. Huh?

SC: Skip it.

ETC: RED ASPHALT is your first novel, but not your first book, am I correct?
SC: Right. I have a couple of other published works under my belt. The first was what I like to call my "movie memoir", IN THE DARK: A LIFE AND TIMES IN A MOVIE THEATER, which came out in 2003.

Then I compiled a bunch of comedy sketches that I had written into a collection called NOW THAT'S FUNNY.

And technically, RED ASPHALT is my first completed novel. There's another unfinished "masterwork" sitting in storage as we speak that I hope to finish before I croak.

ETC: Is it true that RED ASPHALT started out as a screenplay?

SC: Yeah, it did. Just about everything I come up begins as a movie. I look at everything cinematically. Everything's a movie to me. It's just the way I'm wired. I originally conceived RED ASPHALT as a film even up to the point that I wrote a first draft screenplay. Then I said to myself, "Hey! Why not write this up in book form, finish the screenplay and that way you can make two sales instead of one." So I used the first draft as an outline and proceeded to write my own novelization. But it soon became much more than that. The evolution of this material was quite amazing. Now when I return to the screenplay, there's going to be so much more to work with. I'm really happy with the result.

ETC: Speaking of movies, the title of your book sounds vaguely familiar.

SC: Yeah. It should. I stole that baby outright from an old driving training film about road safety, probably the CITIZEN KANE of the genre. RED ASPHALT was produced by the California Highway Patrol and featured a lot of gnarly real life car crash scenes-very gory and very graphic. A real splatter film-perfect for teenagers, especially after lunch. In fact, I just found out there is an entire series of RED ASPHALT movies, I think about five in all. The latest is from 2003. I'm sure they're all over You Tube. To tell you the truth, I've never seen RED ASPHALT or any of the sequels. I did see BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY in high school though.

ETC: The cover of RED ASPHALT almost looks like the opening titles to one of those films.

SC: Yeah, by design. I think it gives it kind of a retro look. I always envisioned the opening credits of my RED ASPHALT in the same way, except a daytime shot. Anyway, I call my book RED ASPHALT as sort of an homage to those movies as well as an allusion to the traffic safety classes in the story. But it's also a better title than I ever could come up with, so there it is.

ETC: What's the story of RED ASPHALT?

SC: RED ASPHALT is about a guy named Calvin Wheeler, a dreamer who is in denial of his own reality. He feels shackled to his everyday life, a seemingly normal existence that he considers a prison. It's all because he aspires to greater things. He believes that he was put on this earth for a very special reason. Unfortunately, because he has to co-exist with the rest of the world, he thinks that his potential is being squandered and this great gift of his is slipping away from his fingers the longer he has to conform to a society that he wants nothing to do with. When he finds that is his only choice, Calvin goes all the way around the bend he had been heading for quite sometime. He's a guy who's splitting apart at the seams. Unfortunately, when he pops his last stitch, he just happens to be behind the wheel at the time because he drives for a living...and as Clint Eastwood says in THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, "Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy."

ETC: So Calvin has road rage.

SC: Yeah, among other things. But RED ASPHALT is not about road rage, per se. It's not a diatribe on the subject or even what you might call "a cautionary tale". Calvin isn't meant to be an Everyman figure. This is just one man's story. That's not to say there aren't more guys like him out there in the world, let alone out there on the roads. Who knows what's really going on in the heads of everyone else who's stuck in traffic with us? We can only hope that they're in their right minds and don't do something incredibly stupid out there on the freeway or city streets or even through our neighborhoods. We all have the capability to turn our vehicles, whether they're Mini-Cooper or ten-ton semis, into goddamn guided missiles out there. The vast majority of us don't because we're not nuts. But there are a lot more crazies than there used to be. That's not just because the population has increased. I think the percentage has gone up as well.

ETC: But you don't have to be crazy to have road rage.

SC: No, you don't. And it's really not difficult to see why it's become so abundant. It's an increasingly frustrating world and it can compounded behind the wheel of a car when you're stuck in traffic, dealing with shitty drivers and torn up roads that are constantly being repaired. That's a situation we have here in Portland. This is NOT a car friendly area and it's getting worse by the day. It really wouldn't be so bad if so many people didn't take driving for granted. Like Calvin says at one point, "It doesn't cost anything to pay attention." Aren't there enough distractions both in and out of the car without creating a bunch of new ones? We have the attention spans of fleas, like those nimrods who have a cell phone in one hand, a latte in the other and a rat face dog in their laps, just weaving all over the road, driving way below the speed limit because they are so wrapped up in their conversations to give a shit. How the hell is this twit steering? With her knees? Her elbows?

ETC: Maybe that's what the dog is for.

SC: You could be right. It's like the last thing on their minds is driving. It's an after thought if it's any kind of thought at all. And, from my observation and I am on the road more the average commuter, as far as cell phone offenders go, it's mostly women. This isn't to say guys don't talk on their phones too, but women seem to be more inclined to get involved in their phone calls than men. Guys, on the other hand, make up the vast majority of road ragers. Guys flip out in their vehicles because they think they can, as if cars are the last refuge for Manly Men. It's all about the illusion of power. They use their vehicles to intimidate and bully other drivers. Their competitive natures come to the forefront and the evening commute suddenly turns into a big dick swinging contest. More often than not, gasoline and testosterone turns into piss and vinegar. Again, from my personal observation, this seems to manifest itself predominantly in white males.

ETC: You talk about the Angry White Man Syndrome in your book.

SC: I do. I've noticed the influx of Angry White Men for quite some time. They're popping up all over the place. They used to be just Stupid White Men, but now they're just plain pissed because they consider themselves endangered species. They feel threatened by the changes in the world and that they'll no longer have the dominance they believe they have. They oppose diversity whether blatantly or secretly because that means they have to share the world instead of controlling it. So they hold all this tension in because they can't just lash out whenever they feel like it. Pretty soon, they're going to blow off that steam somehow, some way and it's going to be at a most inopportune time. In the book, Calvin is deathly afraid of becoming an Angry White Man and that fear is becomes one of his biggest obstacles in preventing that from happening.

ETC: "The only thing we have to fear... is fear itself."

SC:Was that supposed to be FDR?

ETC: Yeah.

SC: Sounded more like Katherine Hepburn.

TO BE CONTINUED

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