HBO GO 'Way

Back in the late 80s, comedian Doug Ferrari had a great riff about cable TV.
"You know HBO stands for? 'Hey! BEASTMASTER's on!'"
And we've come full circle, which is why I have broken up with Home Box Office after several years.
It's been a good run. They blazed a trail for what I consider the Platinum Age of Television with THE SOPRANOS, THE WIRE, DEADWOOD, et al. Their documentary series has been stellar as well as their original films, recent examples being TEMPLE GRANDIN and BEHIND THE CANDELABRA. Much of the rest of their programming has touched the stars also. The book DIFFICULT MEN by Brett Martin delves into how this network took command early and how it has lost its footing.

The sad truth is that the well is running dry and this sort of pay service is going the way of the dinosaur. Recent shows have been blah at best, though HBO can still trot out a classic like GAMES OF THRONES or BOARDWALK EMPIRE every now and then, but there are other platforms out there to find the shows you want to see. This is true in the case of the critically lauded TRUE DETECTIVE. As far as GIRLS, a show I admired in its first season, well...that appears to have been a momentary fling. Season Two gave me the hives. And if I have to see Lena Dunham's bare arms one more freaking time, I'm going take a permanent Sharpie to that goddamn Alice in Wonderland tattoo of hers. Get some sleeves, sister.
But their movie choices they've made available are laughable at best. They seem to have purchased Blockbuster's back catalog before that pterodactyl croaked in the tar pit. The greatest hits of the 80s and 90s? Hardly. Never mind BEASTMASTER. How about BEETHOVEN, that irascible St Bernard laugh riot? Oh, what a lovable lug!
Their platforming is archaic and desperately need of a revamp. One channel blurs into another with no distinction except Latino and Children's. It's laziness. It's just filling air time like every other cable channel except it costs extra. And adding an app offering the same crap ain't exactly moving forward, only sideways.
So as HBO goes the way of the dodo, as do I in the opposite direction, slowly evolving as I attempt to wean myself off the cable teat.

 We wish HBO well in its future endeavors.
  

2008 is Enough-Part One

Watching the ball drop in Times Square to signal in the New Year has always been a surreal experience for a West Coast kid like myself. If you turn on CNN at 9 pm PST, you can view it in "real time", realizing that you're already behind three hours, still stuck in the old year while the rest of the world has moved ahead. Or you can wait until midnight and watch the same damn thing, deluding yourself that you are living in the now when everyone in New York has already gone home.

Of course what kind of a dork marks the passage of time by watching television? Speaking! At least I recognize the stupidity of it all, even if I've done nothing to cure it. What's next for me? The video Yule Log? Yes, I am a sad sorry individual who is not worthy of your pity.

So 2008's gone and not a moment too soon. The lows outnumbered the highs for the year, but at least the highs were substantial enough to not want us all to drink a gallon of poison Kool-Aid and check out out Jim Jones style. There is something to be said for the glimmer of hope that still exists. Let's hope we don't end up at the absolute bottom before we can climb back up again. We don't all require 12 step programs, though there are those who really need a dozen more just for drill.

My bright spot was RED ASPHALT-plain and simple. My first novel was published, reviewed favorably and even gave me a chance to what I like to refer to as "living the dream", albeit in a minor key. Still in all, I can cross this off the bucket list. I can also cross off using the term 'bucket list". For more info, including a swell story about the worst night I ever spent on the road, check out http://redasphaltbook.blogspot.com/ .

Speaking of the aforementioned bucket, it sure got kicked a lot this year. It sure seemed like we had to say goodbye to far too many people than usual. On the pop culture front, we lost great folks like Paul Newman, George Carlin, Bernie Mac, Eartha Kitt, Sydney Pollack and Issac Hayes, just to name a few.

There were other sad goodbyes as well.

Radio's The Don and Mike Show came to a close when Don Geronimo left the airwaves, leaving a gap that will never be filled again. While Don's partner, Mike O'Meara, has continued with much of the same cast, his show pales in comparison, pretty much the equivalent of AFTERMASH. Don Geronimo was a master broadcaster and his seamless work on air made The Don and Mike Show classic radio day in and day out. He is sorely missed.

THE WIRE, one of the finest TV shows ever, ended its five year run with a damn good wrap-up, maybe not as excellent as seasons past but at least providing closure for watchers of that fine show. (Talk about schooling David Chase) The best moment of the year had to be the opening few minutes of the next to the last episode when Baltimore's mayor is let in on the hoax perpetrated by Detective McNulty. Hilarious and absolutely unforgettable.

MAD MEN continued to dominate the rest of the TV year with another brilliant series of episodes. The question remains: Will it continue? At this writing, creative driving force Matthew Weiner is in the midst of contact negotiations with AMC. to continue without him would be the first bad move of 2009.

As a whole, television in 2008 was pretty much like the year itself-bright spots amid the muck and the mire. Sounds like another sequel to THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS.

The movies were alive and well, even after the writer's strike early on that kicked broadcast TV in the balls and left the film industry dangling on what seemed like the gallows. But, at least the latter rebounded to make it out of 2008 without too much damage.

My favorite pic picks of the last year....

TO BE CONTINUED

In the Summertime

IN THE SUMMERTIME

Anybody remember this sweet little ditty from 1970?

Ah, yes...those were the days, my friend.

And what is this year's summer song?

I KISSED A GIRL (AND I LIKED IT) by Katy Perry

Yes, nothing says summer like bi-curiosity. It's nothing new. Anybody remember the 1980's menage-a-trois epic SUMMER LOVERS with Peter Gallagher, Daryl Hannah and some French little whore d'orveurvre? Anybody? Bueller?

Ahhh...what would Mungo Jerry say back in the innocent days of 1970?

"In the summertime,
When the weather is hot,
You can stretch right up and touch the sky.

When the weather's right,

You got women, you got women on your mind.

Have a drink, have a drive,

Go out and see what you can find."

Drinking and driving was really big back then. And even then, they had women on their minds.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Summer 2008. So far, so good, if'n ya asked me. Sure, the economy's in the dumper and most of us are trying to compensate by having STAYCATIONS (excuse me...I just retched...) instead of burning a buncha liquid gold in our gas tanks. Here's a local Oregon observation: If we can't pump our gas anyway, shouldn't stations feel obligated to require their attendants clean our goddamn windshields out of a gesture of goodwill? It's not like anyone actually check your oil or tire pressure as it is? I'm just sayin'...) Anyway, I feel extremely fortunate to live here since their is so much to do on a weekly basis during the summer months...weather permitting, of course. (And I type this on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Where the hell are MY priorities?)

I am proud to announce that LARUE'S RETURN, the melodrama written by Edward Thorpe and myself, was the summer attraction at the Golden Chain Theatre in Oakhurst, California. The spirit of Pollardville lives on!

IRON MAN, the first hit of the summer movie season, was a nice, unexpected surprise, especially to non-superhero afficionados. However, it would not have worked half as well without Robert Downey Jr. in a sta-making performance twenty years in the making. While the rest of the film was entertaining, I would have almost watched him making his suit for two hours. Nice job, Mr. Downey and I apologize for all the shitty things I've said about you over the years. You, sir, gave the best performance of a comicbook hero ever.

Another recommendation is SON OF RAMBOW, a nice little Brit pic by Garth Jennings about a couple of kids making their own sequel to FIRST BLOOD. Funny, always inventive and a must-see for anyone who ever made their backyard movies. I'd put this on a double bill with STAND BY ME. It will be released to DVD in August.

I haven't seen THE DARK KNIGHT and probably won't for some time, thanks to the overabundance of hype surrounding it. Nothing could live up to this. I prefer for the throngs to die down and collect themselves before I forge ahead. In other words, shut up already! I'm glad this era finally a picture to call its own, but Lord have mercy, get outta my face. All I'm going to say is to not denigrate Tim Burton's BATMAN any further. It stands on its own, just as Richard Donner's SUPERMAN THE MOVIE does. I hate revisionist history. Burton's film does not suck in retrospect or any other spect for that matter...and as far as Jack Nicholson's Joker goes, it fit perfectly, especially in due of what we had before that....which was Cesar Fucking Romero! Not to mention the goddamn TV show itself. ZAP! POW! I loved it back then, but I didn't crap all over it when it evolved into the Tim Burton movies. Life is a staircase. In other words, don't take a dump on history, kids. You'll never who you are unless you know where you've been.

I caught the touring company of AVENUE Q, aka the R-rated SESAME STREET stage musical, and have to declare it one damn funny show. It was amazing to sit through a Saturday matinee of this and watch the blue-hairs storm out of the theater after all the hot puppet sex action. Yee-ha!

The Emmy nominations have been announced. MAD MEN is honored with a ton o' nominations. Bryan Cranston, my boy from BREAKING BAD is also up. But as for THE WIRE? One single solitary writing nod. What a crime. One of the best shows of all gets zippity-do-dah from its peers. But you know what? The Emmys don't matter. They mean nothing. It does nothing for any show's ratings and has no value at all, unlike the Oscars boosting the box office of winning films. The Emmys are nothing more than one big circle jerk.

So there you have it, gang. The half-way point of Summer 2008. I think I'll go out, have a drink and have a drive. Maybe I'll even kiss a girl and like it.

Peeing in the Sand

Portrait of the author at work.

How many blogs must a blogger post

Before they can call you a blogger?

The answer, my friend, is peeing in the sand.

The answer is peeing in the sand.

Yessiree-bob, another analogy to blogging.



The other one had to do with that tree falling in the forest. I'm actually beginning to think it relates to self-publishing my book. Is it making a sound? Is the tide erasing any evidence of it? Are my feet getting wet?

Enough of this shilly-shally. I've got an announcement to make:



At long last, my book, RED ASPHALT is available for sale on the one and only Amazon.com. Those of you holding out for the legitimacy of said goliath conglomerate carrying my first novel can now purchase it from a company with which you feel comfortable. (click on the title of this here blog or I'll bop you with this here lollipop) Everyone else can go to the source, Lulu.com for a copy or to be able to download it for a fraction of the cost. That, of course, is:
http://www.lulu.com/content/1885435

As for the photo above. Well, kids, the year would be maybe 1958. The location is Capitola, California which is just down the road from Santa Cruz. Those of you who have enjoyed sun-bathing on that beach over the years have probably laid your heads right where I was taking a leak.

So much has happened this year as I've been trying like hell to promote this book. I feel like the world's been passing me by.The writers' strike, the Oscars, the end of THE WIRE, Bryan Cranston in BREAKING BAD, the passing of Jules Dassin, Charlton Heston and Richard Widmark-all without a peep outta me...and don't think that didn't hurt. So the next few entries are getting away from RED ASPHALT primarily and back to the business known as show.

In the meantime, here's a YouTube link to something I appeared in back in the early 90s, filmed at Pollardville Ghost Town
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=263wvXvQBow

Thanks to Randy Mann for sharing this with me. It makes me miss the Ville all over again.