Oscar Not-So Wild

Here are my two cents on the this year's Oscars. That's about all I can afford anyway, but it's worth every penny.

I watch the Academy Awards every year without fail. It's my Super Bowl event. And like that game is 90% of the time, the actual show is secondary to the build-up, the hype, the brouhaha...but that's Hollywood, ain't it? There's a lot leading up to it and even more going away, especially in this day and age of social media...like this!

So the show is always overlong, usually boring and many times uneventful. But for myself, I'd say entertaining, at least and reasonably well-produced.

Not this year. Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron gave us the clunkiest show in years. This made the James Franco/Anne Hathaway look like a well oiled machine. Here's what didn't work:

The cold opening. No montage saluting the industry or the year, straight or parody? Seth MacFarlane was doomed from his entrance. He had nowhere to go but up. Instead, he went sideways with the awkward Shatner cameo and two pointless song and dance numbers. At least "We Saw Your Boobs" had an element of originality to it as well the FLIGHT sock puppet send-up. The opening went way too frigging long.

A Salute to Musicals of the Past Decade. All 3 of them. Unnecessary, no matter how good Jennifer Hudson killed it. I also liked LES MIZ, but still...what's next year...a tribute to remakes?

The James Bond tribute. Big build-up for little pay-off, except the great Shirley Bassey, blowing Adele out of the water. And the house orchestra backing Shirley up  wasn't onstage like Adele's. Hers was down the street in another building. Whose brilliant idea was that? Were they non-union?

The bundling of Best Picture nominees three at a time made them feel like an obligation other than the reason the damn show exists in the first place.
As for the presenters, I have plenty of contempt as well. THE AVENGERS whining about their lack of Oscar cred since their movie was so popular? Not very superhero like, boys. Did Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy miss rehearsal? Jack Nicholson is turning into a parody of a parody of himself. What's with that tux? Did they finally settle the Buddy Hackett estate? And the First Lady's embarrassing appearance would have only been redeemed if  DJANGO UNCHAINED won or if her husband strolled by in the back ground while they were filming wearing a bathrobe, scratching himself and saying, "Michelle! Keep it down out here! Some of us have to go to work in the morning!"

MacFarlane was an unseasoned host, not really comfortable onstage especially in front of that crowd. He wasn't Franco bad, but he definitely need some more work. At least he didn't take the safe approach of Billy Crystal last year. Seth doesn't know the meaning of the word "safe".He's been getting the misogynist, homophobic, racist remarks since long before he hit the Oscar stage. He's made of Teflon. It slides right off, especially since the ratings numbers are up this year, thanks in part to his participation. Lighten up, folks. No harm done. Quitcher bitchin'. He won't be back.

The awards? Oh yeah. No surprises, save Christoph Waltz and Ang Lee. Nice to see Daniel Day-Lewis lighten up. Didn't know he had it in him. Everything else was unfortunately predictable.

Hopefully Zadan and Meron are out for next year. Get somebody in there that can put together a half-way decent show. They blew it big time. Gil Cates is still rolling over in his grave like a zombie rotisserie.

Okay, social media. Let the snivelling continue.

As for me, I'll be here next year. After all, I'm the caretaker. I've always been the caretaker.

In the Summertime

IN THE SUMMERTIME

Anybody remember this sweet little ditty from 1970?

Ah, yes...those were the days, my friend.

And what is this year's summer song?

I KISSED A GIRL (AND I LIKED IT) by Katy Perry

Yes, nothing says summer like bi-curiosity. It's nothing new. Anybody remember the 1980's menage-a-trois epic SUMMER LOVERS with Peter Gallagher, Daryl Hannah and some French little whore d'orveurvre? Anybody? Bueller?

Ahhh...what would Mungo Jerry say back in the innocent days of 1970?

"In the summertime,
When the weather is hot,
You can stretch right up and touch the sky.

When the weather's right,

You got women, you got women on your mind.

Have a drink, have a drive,

Go out and see what you can find."

Drinking and driving was really big back then. And even then, they had women on their minds.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Summer 2008. So far, so good, if'n ya asked me. Sure, the economy's in the dumper and most of us are trying to compensate by having STAYCATIONS (excuse me...I just retched...) instead of burning a buncha liquid gold in our gas tanks. Here's a local Oregon observation: If we can't pump our gas anyway, shouldn't stations feel obligated to require their attendants clean our goddamn windshields out of a gesture of goodwill? It's not like anyone actually check your oil or tire pressure as it is? I'm just sayin'...) Anyway, I feel extremely fortunate to live here since their is so much to do on a weekly basis during the summer months...weather permitting, of course. (And I type this on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Where the hell are MY priorities?)

I am proud to announce that LARUE'S RETURN, the melodrama written by Edward Thorpe and myself, was the summer attraction at the Golden Chain Theatre in Oakhurst, California. The spirit of Pollardville lives on!

IRON MAN, the first hit of the summer movie season, was a nice, unexpected surprise, especially to non-superhero afficionados. However, it would not have worked half as well without Robert Downey Jr. in a sta-making performance twenty years in the making. While the rest of the film was entertaining, I would have almost watched him making his suit for two hours. Nice job, Mr. Downey and I apologize for all the shitty things I've said about you over the years. You, sir, gave the best performance of a comicbook hero ever.

Another recommendation is SON OF RAMBOW, a nice little Brit pic by Garth Jennings about a couple of kids making their own sequel to FIRST BLOOD. Funny, always inventive and a must-see for anyone who ever made their backyard movies. I'd put this on a double bill with STAND BY ME. It will be released to DVD in August.

I haven't seen THE DARK KNIGHT and probably won't for some time, thanks to the overabundance of hype surrounding it. Nothing could live up to this. I prefer for the throngs to die down and collect themselves before I forge ahead. In other words, shut up already! I'm glad this era finally a picture to call its own, but Lord have mercy, get outta my face. All I'm going to say is to not denigrate Tim Burton's BATMAN any further. It stands on its own, just as Richard Donner's SUPERMAN THE MOVIE does. I hate revisionist history. Burton's film does not suck in retrospect or any other spect for that matter...and as far as Jack Nicholson's Joker goes, it fit perfectly, especially in due of what we had before that....which was Cesar Fucking Romero! Not to mention the goddamn TV show itself. ZAP! POW! I loved it back then, but I didn't crap all over it when it evolved into the Tim Burton movies. Life is a staircase. In other words, don't take a dump on history, kids. You'll never who you are unless you know where you've been.

I caught the touring company of AVENUE Q, aka the R-rated SESAME STREET stage musical, and have to declare it one damn funny show. It was amazing to sit through a Saturday matinee of this and watch the blue-hairs storm out of the theater after all the hot puppet sex action. Yee-ha!

The Emmy nominations have been announced. MAD MEN is honored with a ton o' nominations. Bryan Cranston, my boy from BREAKING BAD is also up. But as for THE WIRE? One single solitary writing nod. What a crime. One of the best shows of all gets zippity-do-dah from its peers. But you know what? The Emmys don't matter. They mean nothing. It does nothing for any show's ratings and has no value at all, unlike the Oscars boosting the box office of winning films. The Emmys are nothing more than one big circle jerk.

So there you have it, gang. The half-way point of Summer 2008. I think I'll go out, have a drink and have a drive. Maybe I'll even kiss a girl and like it.