In the Summertime

IN THE SUMMERTIME

Anybody remember this sweet little ditty from 1970?

Ah, yes...those were the days, my friend.

And what is this year's summer song?

I KISSED A GIRL (AND I LIKED IT) by Katy Perry

Yes, nothing says summer like bi-curiosity. It's nothing new. Anybody remember the 1980's menage-a-trois epic SUMMER LOVERS with Peter Gallagher, Daryl Hannah and some French little whore d'orveurvre? Anybody? Bueller?

Ahhh...what would Mungo Jerry say back in the innocent days of 1970?

"In the summertime,
When the weather is hot,
You can stretch right up and touch the sky.

When the weather's right,

You got women, you got women on your mind.

Have a drink, have a drive,

Go out and see what you can find."

Drinking and driving was really big back then. And even then, they had women on their minds.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Summer 2008. So far, so good, if'n ya asked me. Sure, the economy's in the dumper and most of us are trying to compensate by having STAYCATIONS (excuse me...I just retched...) instead of burning a buncha liquid gold in our gas tanks. Here's a local Oregon observation: If we can't pump our gas anyway, shouldn't stations feel obligated to require their attendants clean our goddamn windshields out of a gesture of goodwill? It's not like anyone actually check your oil or tire pressure as it is? I'm just sayin'...) Anyway, I feel extremely fortunate to live here since their is so much to do on a weekly basis during the summer months...weather permitting, of course. (And I type this on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Where the hell are MY priorities?)

I am proud to announce that LARUE'S RETURN, the melodrama written by Edward Thorpe and myself, was the summer attraction at the Golden Chain Theatre in Oakhurst, California. The spirit of Pollardville lives on!

IRON MAN, the first hit of the summer movie season, was a nice, unexpected surprise, especially to non-superhero afficionados. However, it would not have worked half as well without Robert Downey Jr. in a sta-making performance twenty years in the making. While the rest of the film was entertaining, I would have almost watched him making his suit for two hours. Nice job, Mr. Downey and I apologize for all the shitty things I've said about you over the years. You, sir, gave the best performance of a comicbook hero ever.

Another recommendation is SON OF RAMBOW, a nice little Brit pic by Garth Jennings about a couple of kids making their own sequel to FIRST BLOOD. Funny, always inventive and a must-see for anyone who ever made their backyard movies. I'd put this on a double bill with STAND BY ME. It will be released to DVD in August.

I haven't seen THE DARK KNIGHT and probably won't for some time, thanks to the overabundance of hype surrounding it. Nothing could live up to this. I prefer for the throngs to die down and collect themselves before I forge ahead. In other words, shut up already! I'm glad this era finally a picture to call its own, but Lord have mercy, get outta my face. All I'm going to say is to not denigrate Tim Burton's BATMAN any further. It stands on its own, just as Richard Donner's SUPERMAN THE MOVIE does. I hate revisionist history. Burton's film does not suck in retrospect or any other spect for that matter...and as far as Jack Nicholson's Joker goes, it fit perfectly, especially in due of what we had before that....which was Cesar Fucking Romero! Not to mention the goddamn TV show itself. ZAP! POW! I loved it back then, but I didn't crap all over it when it evolved into the Tim Burton movies. Life is a staircase. In other words, don't take a dump on history, kids. You'll never who you are unless you know where you've been.

I caught the touring company of AVENUE Q, aka the R-rated SESAME STREET stage musical, and have to declare it one damn funny show. It was amazing to sit through a Saturday matinee of this and watch the blue-hairs storm out of the theater after all the hot puppet sex action. Yee-ha!

The Emmy nominations have been announced. MAD MEN is honored with a ton o' nominations. Bryan Cranston, my boy from BREAKING BAD is also up. But as for THE WIRE? One single solitary writing nod. What a crime. One of the best shows of all gets zippity-do-dah from its peers. But you know what? The Emmys don't matter. They mean nothing. It does nothing for any show's ratings and has no value at all, unlike the Oscars boosting the box office of winning films. The Emmys are nothing more than one big circle jerk.

So there you have it, gang. The half-way point of Summer 2008. I think I'll go out, have a drink and have a drive. Maybe I'll even kiss a girl and like it.

One is Enough

As the nation attempts to find its footing again after the worst couple of months in four years, we as

Americans (Red and Blue alike-which together make Purple) have at least found a patch of common ground in order collectively spew all of our hatred at a common enemy we can all agree upon.
Mike Brown, the former head of Feeble...uh, FEMA.
Is this guy not a prime candidate for Turd of the Year?
This Stable Boy's such a petulant punk, that White House Press Secretary Scott McClelland, a man whose own nuts have never fallen, even had to say, "Jesus, what a pussy!"
He may have been correct when he stated that he did "the best job he could". Brownie the Clownie should be put on a clean-up crew in the Superdome. Just don't put him in charge.

Meanwhile, Democrats in Virginia are considering running Ben Affleck for senator next year.
Apparently there is a Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse and its name is Gigli.

Film critics seemed to be surprised that Roman Polanski chose to direct a new version of OLIVER TWIST. They shouldn't be. He's used to working with children.

When the Sept. 30 edition of ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY arrived in my mailbox, I really thought they were really over hyping the new Tim Burton film CORPSE BRIDE. After all there was an article the week before and now there were two characters featured gracing the front cover. Boy was my face red when I discovered that it was just Sheryl Crow and Fiona Apple.

Speaking of Tim Burton, I caught CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY last week during Regal Cinemas' CANS FILM FESTIVAL. Once a year, anyone who bring three cans of food for the Oregon Food Bank is admitted to any Regal Cinema here in the Portland area for the movie of their choice. While I harshly criticize Regal for a number of infractions, this is a great tradition here in Portland and they deserve a pat on the back or wherever they want it.

This year, the only movie that fit into my schedule was the aforementioned CHOCOLATE FACTORY remake since I really was curious about it while being diametrically opposed to the whole idea. (I hate this obsession with remakes. Even Peter Jackson's KING KONG crushes my grapes.) The film is a mixed bag of tricks and treats and one cannot help but compare it to the 1971 version directed by Mel Stuart since the damn thing exists. The production is of course spectacular, primarily due to the whopping $150 million dollar budget whereas the original came in for what, twenty five bucks and change?At least the candy looks appetizing this time out. Some of the back stories are interesting, except for the useless chocolate palace sequence, but I did enjoy the trip to Loompaland and Willy Wonka as a boy with the worst set of dental braces of all time. The Oompa Loompas' musical sequences were a Burton tour de force, though the lyrics (the point of the whole thing-the life lessons, y'know) were unintelligible.How about a special Oscar for Deep Roy, the one actor that portrayed ALL of the O-Ls? Freddie Hightower was definitely an improvement over Peter Ostrum as Charlie that's for sure.And anybody that hires Christopher Lee is okay in my book for all time.
But there just seemed to be such a by the numbers approach to the whole thing. Where was the frenzy of the search for the Golden Ticket? And the Chocolate Factory tour itself seemed truncated. The kids and their colorless parents (except Mrs. Beauregard) didn't help matters much. James Fox may be a fine actor, but he's no Roy Kinnear as Mr. Salt. The kids got some updating without much follow through Mike Tee Vee was into violent video games, but it never really came into play, so to speak. Veruca was not a holy terror when she could have been and her elimination by squirrel was just creepy. And speaking of the C word...Johnny Depp as Willy.

I think he is probably the best American film actor at the moment, but this time, totally miscast, For the first time, I could see the wheels turning and really going out of his way to be just weird, not merely eccentric. He seemed to be floundering and it just didn't work. Gene Wilder hit a balance between madness and charisma. He still owns this role. The screenplay by John August (so good with BIG FISH) lacked any of the wit of the first adaptation (co-written by Roald Dahl) and its exclusion left a hole-one would say a cavity-that this film desperately needed. In all, I wouldn't put this in the same trash heap where the PLANET OF THE APES debacle sits, but I wouldn't call it a success either. I was have to say it was just unnecessary. In the words of Mr. Wonka himself,

"Everybody gets one...and one is enough for anybody."