Dedications

Writing a book dedication is like a final punctuation, a kiss goodbye to send your tome on its merry way. But more importantly, it's a big piece of your heart that you've given to certain individuals that is forever embedded in your work.

My first book, IN THE DARK, was dedicated to my wife.
To Laurie, my honey
Wanna see a movie?
She was my constant movie companion and one of the few people on this earth I can stand to sit next to in a cinema. Laurie's not gone by any stretch of the imagination. She just stopped going to movies.

The recipients of of book numero dos, RED ASPHALT, were Don Geronimo and Mike O'Meara.
To Don and Mike
Radio Gods
Thanks for the laughs when I needed them the most.
Um, what? Yes, I chose to salute a couple of guys on the radio. RED ASPHALT was a personal book about a guy who flips out while driving for a living, a job near and dear to my butt cheeks. Back in the 90s, my psyche had going through some rough terrain while on the road every stinking day. Fortunately, I had these two jamokes to listen to and laugh my way toward sanity, then writing a book to vent my frustrations at the world.. For that, they got a much deserved thank you.

In the introduction of NOW THAT'S FUNNY, my collection of comedy sketches, I was all over the map.

I hereby dedicate this collection to Rob Petrie, King Kong, Pollardville itself, that motley crew of talented performers and excellent people known as the Palace Showboat Players and to the patron saint of comedy itself, the chicken.

What a load. The chicken didn't even call.

PLEASE HOLD THUMBS, all about my adventures in South Africa, turned out to be a story about family, therefore transforming it into something more than "What I Did on My Summer Vacation".

To my family

Past, present and future

So now we're up to date with my latest, SONG OF THE CANYON KID. I've dedicated this book to my friend, Goldie Pollard.  

I had been a cowboy in the Pollardville Ghost Town as an actor, sorta stuntman and writer and director. During that time, my friend Edward Thorpe and I wrote a melodrama for the Palace Showboat Theater called LARUE'S RETURN. I had yet to appear on that particular stage myself. When I finally did, I had helped Bob Gossett write new material for my first show DOWNFALL OF THE UPRISING. Since I was pretty hungry to add even more material to the show's vaudeville section, Goldie, as one of the producers, helped to champion my cause. The next show she co-directed with Bill Humphreys, GOODBYE TV, HELLO BURLESQUE, the two of them both asked me to write some sketches. I had written the next melodrama solo, LEGEND OF THE ROGUE, and Goldie gave me the highest honor possible. Not only would I have my name on the melodrama, but I would write and direct the olios section as well. Don't think this didn't go to my head. I was Orson fucking Welles, baby!
 
The problem was...I was in so far over my head I didn't realize I was drowning until it was too late. I was too young, too ill-prepared and too arrogant to ask for help. The show was virtually taken away from me and deservedly so.

A couple of years passed and I returned to the Palace Showboat stage, thanks to both D.W. Landingham and Ray Rustigian. I was ready to give it another shot and Goldie gave it to me. I wrote and directed three vaudeville shows in a row, a revival of LA RUE'S RETURN and a brand spanking new melodrama called SONG OF THE LONE PRAIRIE.

If it wasn't for Goldie's initial encouragement and her ability to grant me a second chance, I don't know what direction my life would have taken. I loved this woman. We lost contact after I left the Stockton area in 1999, but I am so grateful that we were able to have one last reunion at the Palace Showboat when that place closed once and for all. At that event, she addressed the crowd to say:

You all came here as actors, dancers, singers, dressers, writers and you ended up as entertainers. And you know what you are today? You are all my stars and I love you all.

No one shone brighter than she did. She was our beacon, our guiding light. For this, I have dedicated SONG OF THE CANYON KID to her.

To Goldie Pollard

For giving me my first chance, then believing in me enough to give me a second

This book is all about second chances and this is my last to say once more to my friend,

I love you, Doris June. And thank you from the bottom of my heart now and forever, 

2008 is Enough-Part One

Watching the ball drop in Times Square to signal in the New Year has always been a surreal experience for a West Coast kid like myself. If you turn on CNN at 9 pm PST, you can view it in "real time", realizing that you're already behind three hours, still stuck in the old year while the rest of the world has moved ahead. Or you can wait until midnight and watch the same damn thing, deluding yourself that you are living in the now when everyone in New York has already gone home.

Of course what kind of a dork marks the passage of time by watching television? Speaking! At least I recognize the stupidity of it all, even if I've done nothing to cure it. What's next for me? The video Yule Log? Yes, I am a sad sorry individual who is not worthy of your pity.

So 2008's gone and not a moment too soon. The lows outnumbered the highs for the year, but at least the highs were substantial enough to not want us all to drink a gallon of poison Kool-Aid and check out out Jim Jones style. There is something to be said for the glimmer of hope that still exists. Let's hope we don't end up at the absolute bottom before we can climb back up again. We don't all require 12 step programs, though there are those who really need a dozen more just for drill.

My bright spot was RED ASPHALT-plain and simple. My first novel was published, reviewed favorably and even gave me a chance to what I like to refer to as "living the dream", albeit in a minor key. Still in all, I can cross this off the bucket list. I can also cross off using the term 'bucket list". For more info, including a swell story about the worst night I ever spent on the road, check out http://redasphaltbook.blogspot.com/ .

Speaking of the aforementioned bucket, it sure got kicked a lot this year. It sure seemed like we had to say goodbye to far too many people than usual. On the pop culture front, we lost great folks like Paul Newman, George Carlin, Bernie Mac, Eartha Kitt, Sydney Pollack and Issac Hayes, just to name a few.

There were other sad goodbyes as well.

Radio's The Don and Mike Show came to a close when Don Geronimo left the airwaves, leaving a gap that will never be filled again. While Don's partner, Mike O'Meara, has continued with much of the same cast, his show pales in comparison, pretty much the equivalent of AFTERMASH. Don Geronimo was a master broadcaster and his seamless work on air made The Don and Mike Show classic radio day in and day out. He is sorely missed.

THE WIRE, one of the finest TV shows ever, ended its five year run with a damn good wrap-up, maybe not as excellent as seasons past but at least providing closure for watchers of that fine show. (Talk about schooling David Chase) The best moment of the year had to be the opening few minutes of the next to the last episode when Baltimore's mayor is let in on the hoax perpetrated by Detective McNulty. Hilarious and absolutely unforgettable.

MAD MEN continued to dominate the rest of the TV year with another brilliant series of episodes. The question remains: Will it continue? At this writing, creative driving force Matthew Weiner is in the midst of contact negotiations with AMC. to continue without him would be the first bad move of 2009.

As a whole, television in 2008 was pretty much like the year itself-bright spots amid the muck and the mire. Sounds like another sequel to THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS.

The movies were alive and well, even after the writer's strike early on that kicked broadcast TV in the balls and left the film industry dangling on what seemed like the gallows. But, at least the latter rebounded to make it out of 2008 without too much damage.

My favorite pic picks of the last year....

TO BE CONTINUED

One on One with Scott Cherney (Literally)-Part Three

Finally, the exciting thrill-packed conclusion to the exclusive interview with Scott Cherney, author of RED ASPHALT, who us being interviewed by himself because A) no else would and B) no one like him.

ETC:You said that you based Calvin (Wheeler, the main character of RED ASPHALT) on yourself.

SCOTT CHERNEY: That’s right. Thanks for paying attention.

ETC: It’s what I do.

SC:That’s not all you do…

ETC: What?

SC: Nothing. Do you a question?

ETC:What personality traits do you and Calvin share?

SC:Well, we’re both extremely opinionated and we share a lot of the same views. This was a good way for me to rant and rave about certain subjects-like technology, for example-that have been festering inside out of me with no place to go. Sometimes my writing becomes a forum for me to blow off steam.

ETC: A lot of hot air, you mean.

SC: No, I don’t and you’re a clod. Anyway, Calvin and I are both dreamers, more often than not to the point of total distraction. We also obstinate, morose and painfully insecure, though I don’t think I’m the terminal case that Calvin is in this regard. We both loners, but I’m much more social than he ever has been. Calvin is what I would have been like without the wonderful people I’ve allowed in my life. I’m talking about my friends-and I’ve great friends in my life-the family I now have…certainly my wife Laurie…and the fantastic people I met through my theater days, the Pollardville gang and other playgrounds I romped around in over the years. I really miss acting.

ETC: Calvin acted too.

SC: Yeah, but he didn’t like it. That’s one way we differ. He doesn’t play well with others. Calvin did enjoy his time teaching traffic school since it afforded him to be a one man band.

ETC: Did you enjoy it?

SC: Sure. It was a blast. It paid well too. Traffic school was a way to get stand-up comedy out of my system since the experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

ETC: Do you mean when you won the Stockton Comedy Competition?

SC: Uh-huh. Winning the competition became the high point and there was nowhere else to go afterward, at least not for me. I had no direction, no guidance and just floundered on the dock like a ..well, flounder. I always felt like I blew my shot. Traffic school at least was a way to figure out if I wanted to continue or not and actually became a fairly positive point in my life.

ETC: How else are you and Calvin alike?

SC: We both share this obsession with time. That comes out of insecurity as well. It stems from fear. Fear of running out of time before making one’s mark in the world, which of course is the most futile act in the grand scheme of things. It ‘s tough to look at the big picture. No one wants to be made to feel insignificant. But then again, perception is everything. I guess it depends which end of the telescope you’re looking through.

ETC: Or microscope.

SC: Yep. But you know, I have come to realize that worrying about wasting time is really one big waste of time.

ETC: What other ways do you and Calvin differ?

SC: You mean other than the killings and all? Calvin’s an isolationist, like I said before. That’s not healthy. You have to talk to somebody. All he does is talk to himself. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and feels like a martyr. When he feels that the whole world is against him, he takes it out on his telemarketer. Calvin becomes a bully just to make him feel better about himself.

ETC: Why didn’t you describe what Calvin looks like?

SC: I purposelessly left it vague. I preferred to let the reader fill in those gaps. Calvin makes a lot-I mean a lot of disparaging comments about certain characters’ weight or appearance and other than the cold sore he has, Calvin doesn’t talk about his own physical shortcomings. He’s really immaturely shallow in those regards. He's a hypocrite. He hates it when others judge him, yet he feels justified criticizing everybody else. The readers can take their own shots if they wish. But I don’t let Calvin get away with anything. Not one bit.

ETC: Doesn't Calvin's last name, Wheeler, have some significance?

SC: Why, yes it does. It actually comes from an old Goofy cartoon from the "50s or '60s about road rage, of all things. It wasn't called that back then. Anyway, Goofy was kind of a Jekyll/Hyde character. The nice guy was Mr. Walker who loved babies and kittens and whatever. But once he got behind the wheel he transformed into the monster Mr. Wheeler. Once again, another act of larceny on my part. I remember seeing this cartoon on THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY, but I might have also seen it in driver training. I would have loved to have shown it in traffic school.

ETC:RED ASPHALT is dedicated to Don and Mike. Who are they?

SC: Radio Gods. Don Geronimo and Mike O’Meara are the hosts of the nationally syndicated radio show aptly named The Don and Mike show. I’ve been listening to them since about the time I conceived RED ASPHALT back in the early ‘90s. It’s a talk show, not unlike Howard Stern’s…of that comedic genre, shall we say. Some people like Howard, I prefer Don and Mike. I always did. I still am a big fan even I listen to them on tape delay here in Portland. I give them a lot of the credit for keeping me from turning into Calvin.

ETC:How so?

SC: By just making me laugh. Don and Mike have a way of drawing listeners into their world and making them part of the conversation. It’s like hanging out with your best friends and shooting the shit for a few hours a day. When they came along, I was going through a rough patch. My family life was in turmoil, I really couldn’t stand my job and I had a lot of doubts that would ever do anything of any sort significance again. I felt like my creative pilot light had just blown out. I actually remember the moment that it happened and it scared the holy shit out of me. I had questions about my sanity too. To keep my mind off my ongoing pain, I’d listen to the radio while I worked. In those days, it was mighty slim pickings. Music was in the dumpster, So there was talk radio.There were the doctors-Dean Edell and Laura Schlesinger, two different ends of the spectrum, both equally maddening. The right wing wingnuts drove me batty. NPR put me to sleep. And there was Larry King, just off nights and starting a daytime snoozefest. Suddenly came this show originating from Washington,D.C. It was childish and immature at times, but also wise and accessible also, sometimes all at the same time. On top of all that, it was balls-out funny. It made me forget what I was commiserating about and just laugh it off. My problems would still there, but they were a hell of a lot easier to deal with after I would laugh my ass off. Comedy is therapeutic. For me, so is The Don and Mike Show. Don is retiring this year and Mike is going off on his own, so I dedicated just in the nick of time. As I say in the dedication, it’s my thanks to them for making me laugh when I needed it the most. And I still do.

ETC: RED ASPHALT is self-published, is it not?

SC: Yes, it is, through an online publisher called Lulu that I published NOW THAT’S FUNNY! through. I tried to get it published the conventional way. I finished my book in 2004 and sent it to over three dozen publishers and at least twenty agents. Nothing. I got frustrated and thought RED ASPHALT should see the light of day and not sit in storage forever. Sending it out is time consuming…there’s that goddamn time thing again! It’s true. So I went back to Lulu and here we are. It’s a bear doing it all yourself. I recommend it only if you have the stamina. Self publishing is one thing, but promotion and marketing...?Oy. It's all online and I'm not exactly that computer savvy. I'm pretty much of a Luddite as it is. I'm self taught on this infernal contraption. Don't get me started! (old man voice) "You kids and your Internets! And your music... it's just noise!"I really wish someone else had do all this for me, but here I am and I’m not going to let myself down. This way is extremely time consuming too, but at least it’s moving forward. I'm all about forward momentum at this point in my life. Of course, explaining all this to my grandson Sebastian put it all in perspective. I told him about publishing the book myself after it got turned down and he just said, “What’s the matter? Didn’t they think it was any good?” Out of the mouth of babes, as they say. By the way, he’s out of the will.

ETC: Well, there is one other main difference between you and Calvin?

SC: What’s that?

ETC: Unlike Calvin, your book is published.

SC: You’re right. You know what? You’re okay.

ETC: So am I.

SC: Yeah. Huh?

NOW ON SALE IN PAPERBACK AND KINDLE AT AMAZON

Next up: An excerpt from RED ASPHALT
Yeah for free, suckas.

FOR MORE INFO ON RED ASPHALT AND MY OTHER WORKS, VISIT MY WEBSITE
Okay, fine. PLEASE!

Off the Air

On Thursday, April 21, 2005, at exactly 2:00 pm PST, Entercom Broadcasting, in its infinite retardation, unceremoniously switched radio formats on a Portland, Oregon AM radio station known as Max 910 station during the nationally syndicated Don and Mike Show which had been airing in its regular spot since 12 noon. However, when D and M had gone to a commercial break, the plug was pulled on not only their show but Tom Leykis, Phil Hendrie, Don Imus and local shows hosted by Rick Emerson and Clyde Lewis. Like thieves in the night, Entercom struck without warning immediately switching to an all-oldies music format, now calling themselves KISN: The Music of Your Life (or is it The Best Music Ever Made? I forget). Not minutes before, KISN occupied a spot on the FM dial but that is now called 97.1 Charlie FM. Charlie is based on a "new" musical format that's sweeping the nation originally called "Jack", a conglomeration of songs without rhyme, reason or even era. From what I can gather, without an on-air personality as well. The Human Factor is missing. That includes you, the listener. They don't care about you, no matter what they say.

When the monster conglomerates were buying up all the air space, we all sat back and let them because it just didn't seem that important. I remember Howard Stern himself saying at the time, "Big companies have always taken care of me." That was before the Clear Channel debacle occurred and forced him to satellite radio. Maybe that's another one of their goals. Suppose they are purposely phasing our their holdings, giving them losing formats (oldies on an AM station in the year 2005?) in order to force us into a transition to satellite radio so that we have to pay for something that has always been free...just like television. Do you know anyone who has neither cable nor satellite television? Air isn't even free at the gas station anymore.

Slowly but surely our choices are being taken away from us. Freedom used to be just another word for nothing left to lose, but that may no longer be the case. One thing's for sure, nothing ain't nothing but it's free.

I didn't make that up myself. I heard it on the radio.