There's No Place Like Home

Dear Oregon-

Happy anniversary! No, I didn't get you anything. What do you have for me? Bupkis. Fine. At least we're even.

So normally I don't acknowledge you so much as I do just plain Portland, claiming as I did in my 10th anniversary post entitled PORTLAND IS MY LAND. I'm sure the rest of the state feels a bit slighted. Sorry. It's like having a favorite child. Mike and Carol Brady probably preferred a kid or over the other in their bunch. (Peter seemed to be a bit of a dick and don't get me started on Cindy)

The harsh truth of the matter is that I've never lived in Portland. Oh, I say I do, but it's a big fat frickin' lie. I've worked in Portland for much of the two decades I've been here. I actually made an effort to make that my location of choice. But damnation alley, I'm stuck out here in the 'burbs like a wood tick in the coat of a collie. I've resided in Beaverton of all bloody places for the first ten years and Hillsboro after that. Before you go scrambling off to Google Maps and I lose you for good because you're bound to find a link there to something better like, well, anything, I'll merely inform you that Beaverton and Hillsboro are west of Portland on the way to the coast. Okay? They house Nike, Intel and a bunch of blithering idiotic suburbanites who won't get out of my goddamn way no matter how red in the face I get from screaming at them to do so OR ELSE  (There's nothing to back that up besides intense scorn, but it makes me sound tough) But here I am and here I'll stay because for the time being, that window has closed even though it's not locked. I've made it work and it works for me. There's more out here than meets the jaded eye. That's my rationalization and I'm sticking with it.

Hillsboro and the Beave never really won me over like Portland did though, well, eventually. My missive to P-Town (DISPLACED IN THIS PLACE) explained my early struggles. This initial period of adjustment took some time, partly due to me but mainly because the Rose City hadn't found its identity yet. It sat in the shadow of Seattle and boy, was it pissed. Slowly but oh so very surely, Portland found its voice and a star was reborn.

And it's worn its celebrity status well for a long damn time. But with that power came great responsibility (Excelsior! RIP Stan Lee) and all the trappings of celebrity in the 21st century. The late but not so lamented TV comedy PORTLANDIA brought us into the national spotlight more than anything, making us the source of ridicule while forcing us to look at ourselves with something more than ironic scorn. That show hit the bullseye more than a few times but soon tore the target itself into a pulpy mess.

We attracts me to this place more than anything is what PORTLANDIA mocked the best which was that it is a gathering place for people who don't belong anywhere else due to their eccentricities, uniqueness, arrested development and downright freakishness. Kindred spirits (and lost souls) abound in a place that actually encourages us to belong to a club that would have us for members. Sure, we go way out of our way in our pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of quinoa,but when we find it, we nail it. The food scene alone is a testament to that and has us a destination to rival in the United States. It can be a little too precious sometimes, but so what? It's not always just the journey. The destination ends up being oh. so sweet.

What's been good for Portland been good for the state, though the opposite is true as well. The problems that have accumulated in the course of these growing pains have been painful to endure and have been ignored to the point of crisis. Affordable housing and homelessness continue to increase without any viable solutions to help stunt their growth. Crime has grown to an insufferable degree and political dissent, understandable or not, has become a way of life. In the midst of this is a growing concern that the weirdness we celebrate has created a mutant strain from unfortunate side effects like something from (gasp!) Big Pharma. Hopefully we can weed out the chaff and find our way before we ruin what we've built and become merely a meme come true.

Twenty years ago, we came here for family, one that I cherish with every fiber of my being and found
another in the process. I'm pleased this is where we landed in this, the land of soy milk and raw honey, not to mention legal weed, fantastic beer, amazing food, ultra grand vistas, a political philosophy I can tolerate and geeks aplenty all this in this crock pot I'm proud to call home. It really is where the heart is, to be so painfully sincere yet without a touch of irony, thank you very much.  I do love it here, Oregon. I have a lot of you to explore and a desire to do so if I don't procrastinate too
much before I kick. I believe I'm here to stay and proud to be, dadgum it. You've been good to me, but it hasn't been easy. I reckon that's the point, isn't it? C'est la vie.

Happy Anniversary to us, Oregon

Your pal
Scott

Beam Me Up, Scotty

The following revolves around the creation of an interactive murder mystery that has since been re-named MURDER: THE FINAL FRONTIER.

                Space...the very last place...these are the voyages of the Star Truck...Innerthighs...

So begins the latest interactive murder mystery comedy written by someone who needs no introduction, but is near and dear to all of your hearts...and if he isn't, he soon will be because...that's the kind of guy he is.

It's me, damn your eyes! Yes, I'm at it again or at least I was a few months ago when I first wrote this here piece o' work that is debuting this month for Mel O'Drama Theatre in the one and only Nashville, TN. (Even though this is my second time in Music City, it's so mind-blowing that something I wrote is playing in that iconic city)

The show in question is indeed STAR TRUCK; THE WRATH OF COMIC-CON. Set at a sci-fi convention called Imaginacon, a tribute to the classic TV show STAR TRUCK is underway with members of the cast including Leon Portnoy, the actor who is forever known as First Officer Mr. Spark, Jean Roddenreel, widow of the show's creator Dean Roddenreel and of course Captain James Tyrannosaurus Kork himself, the inimitable Wilson Chadwick. Also appearing at the convention is the star of STAR BOARS, Carrie Fishwich and someone who may or may not be an alien.

As you can tell unless you're not paying attention, this is all fodder for jabs at STAR TREK, STAR WARS

and basically all things in the geek universe which, in this day and age, pretty much everything. Of course. I include myself in these ranks, having been a geek since the day I first crawled the earth back...well, none of your damn business.. It is also a gold mine of comedic opportunities that I take as full advantage of as I possibly could given the parameters of the murder mystery format. There are digs are the aforementioned STAR shows as well as DOCTOR WHO, THE WALKING DEAD, LORD OF THE RINGS and so on and so forth. Plus I have concocted some of the very best (or worst) puns I have possibly ever concocted. If you think punning is lowest form of wit, well, you're half right. Which half, I don't know.

The inspiration for STAR TRUCK derives from the underrated classic GALAXY QUEST (1999), which brilliantly mined some of the same tropes, Mad Magazine's classic parody STAR BLECCH (love that title) and, of course, the SNL "Get A Life!" sketch starring William Shatner. The latter is undoubtedly the Genesis Project for the whole enterprise (wow, two references for the price of one!) Not only does it set up what I wanted to accomplish with this script, but it was also a turning point for Shatner himself. This was when he reinvented himself, understanding that he knew he was the butt of many a joke and now he was in on it too. He could make fun of himself and do it better. Oh yeah, he was Captain Kirk but now he became in full caps WILLIAM SHATNER and he never left. Therefore the victim of my murder mystery just had to be the William Shatner character. It was like MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS. Who killed Richard Widmark? Everybody! That's the spirit I wanted to convey. Who wants to kill Wislon Chadwick? Everybody! Hopefully, not the audience too.

The icing on this cupcake was that when I wrote in Shatner's voice, in his cadence and his goofy sensibilities, I had as much fun as I ever had creating a character. I love this guy and sure hope that it shows. I had some struggles concerning the passing of Leonard Nimoy that I wrote about earlier this year. (See blog post:  HIGHLY ILLOGICAL) Some of the other characters proved a bit more difficult to put together, but fortunately not Dewey Osgood, the host of Imaginacon who turns out to be the hero of the piece. I based Dewey on comedian Patton Oswalt, a kindred spirit and King of All Geeks. Patton's recent book SILVER SCREEN FIEND is a fantastic movie memoir, not unlike my own IN THE DARK but light years beyond in both style and substance. Carrie Fisher who has had a long gestating and ridiculous feud with William Shatner is obviously the model for Carrie Fishwich. Majel Barrett is Gene Roddenberry's widow, but I based her character on the role she played as Deanna Troi's mother on STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. And I paid homage to Portland home-girl Katee Sackhoff's BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA Starbuck persona for Nirvana Nightengale.

Thanks to producer Melanie Roady of Mel O'Drama Theater for giving me another shot after last year's PERILS OF FRANCOIS. Recently Mel accepted the position of Executive Producer of the theater at Events on 3rd in Nashville. Good on her.  And a big shout-out to director Andy Johnson who played Pierre Perrier in FRANCOIS and another fellow geek, a perfect fit for this show. Finally to a cast that I'll not only never meet but never see perform my work in front of a (hopefully) live audience, I can only say in the grand tradition of theater...break a leg.

For myself, I'll hoist a toast on opening night from across the country. Here's to another original script under my belt. This is also the fourth production of one of my plays this year, one more than 2014. I would have had five, but the theater that had scheduled the show met with some very hard times, a result of the recent flooding in South Carolina. I wish them and everyone back there the very best.

It's been two years since I was first contacted by the Great American Melodrama to have one of my scripts performed which has led to this sudden resurgence as a playwright. It appears that the third act of my life I've been searching for is one that I'm writing myself. Imagine that.

So beam me up, Scotty. Oh, wait. That's me.


MURDER: THE FINAL FRONTIER IS NOW AVAILABLE AT OFF THE WALL PLAYS

Performance rights are available!

For info about my other scripts or even if you just want to send me a mash note (look it up, young 'un),
please e-mail me at: writenbysc@gmail.com