Number One with a Bullet

 

Forbes Magazine announced the "winners' of its annual top ten list of America's Most Miserable Cities. Coming in at the number one spot this year...

Stockton, California!

Yeah, the old hometown took the crown this year after last year's second place between Michigan's two finest-Detroit (#1) and Flint (#3), making it one big miserable sandwich. Yeah, good ol' Stocktonville pulled an upset over Chicago, Cleveland and even Miami. Woo-hoo! The ghosts of Victoria Barkley and Charles Weber are smiling from above.

Forbes’ criteria for this dubious honor was based on violent crime, unemployment, income tax rates and commute times. It’s also Ground Zero in the housing market with the highest foreclosure in the country.

I’m not gloating. Just because I hauled my ass out of Fat City twenty years ago doesn’t mean I wish ill on the place. As a matter of fact, the whole thing saddens me to no end. I may have severed my ties with Stockton, but I’m not in denial either. I was born there. I grew up there. I spent most of my life in that town.

But the truth hurts, baby.

Stockton has never taken care of its own. It’s like one of those smokers who’ve been puffing on three packs a day for the last fifty years, despite all the warnings, then threatens to sue Big Tobacco because he gets lung cancer. Then when he wins his lawsuit, he still continues to smoke because now he can afford to buy more cigarettes.

When I visited the ol' home town last year, I barely recognized the place. It was though I was driving in and about Greater Kabul after a rocket attack. To this day, I still haven’t shaken the feeling of dread I had while I was there. I was watching a relative on life support dying a slow, painful death.

And I also thought about my family and friends who are still living in Stockton and wishing I had the resources to airlift them the hell out of there once and for all. For now, I can only hope for the best and that they’ll come out of this okay.

Hey, Modesto, just down the road from Stockton, placed fifth on the Forbes list, more than likely since it is the car theft theft capital of the country. Well done! How proud do you think Modesto's favorite son, George Lucas, is at this moment?

You can't go home again because sometimes, you just don't wanna.

Star Wars: The Force Wakes Up Again

My birthday movie this year, originally to be THE HATEFUL 8 until it under-performed and was yanked out of the cinemas earlier than expected, was the new STAR WARS, admittedly a reluctant choice even if it was an early choice. My apprehension has been previously noted in an earlier post (DEATH STAR FOR CUTIE), but I opted for this over Oscar hopefuls SPOTLIGHT and THE BIG SHORT because it was indeed my birthday and I felt a need to satisfy my inner geek, 3D and all. (Last time I don those goggles, that's for sure) The result was a pleasant if unspectacular experience. It didn't take long for me to ascertain that THE FORCE AWAKENS was actually a remake of what has come to be known as A NEW HOPE, a title that still makes me throw up a little in my mouth. That's pretty much the J. J. Abrams formula for success, film-wise, that is. He piggy-backs onto the back of proven formulas-STAR WARS, STAR TREK, the Spielbergian SUPER 8-energizes them enough to make up for the lack of originality and goes on to the next,  That's all fine and good for this film since it's exactly what the fans wanted: More of the same. Toss in a ton of callbacks to the first trilogy to make the die-hards weep for their lost youth, stir in new characters that are just makeovers of the old and let's not forget to blow up that Death Star again, people. But don't think it doesn't work because it does,  That is, unless you begin to scrutinize it which any geek worth his pocket protector is going to do, myself included. The new cast is quite good, especially Daisy Ridley as Rey, but if she isn't Luke Skywalker's daughter, I'll eat a bucket of Taun-Taun jerky. John Boyega's Finn comes in a close second though I didn't buy his conversion from storm trooper so much. Oscar Issac's New Age Han Solo was a throwaway and an opportunity missed-the passing of the torch of Han to Poe. Why didn't these two meet? Adam Driver had some swell moments until he got all all angsty and whiny like...oh, it's a family trait. I see. Daddy issues. (yawn) And was Kylo Ren's real name Ben? Holy Yoda. The whole enterprise (Enterprise? You can't say that here!) all smacked of a well-produced, albeit formulaic TV pilot to me. That's not an insult in this day and age. However, nothing really stood out and the lack of any memorable scene rather than fleeting moments seen through rose-colored 3D glasses, make it all fade into the mist after awhile. That's not to say I didn't enjoy seeing some of the old gang and getting a nostalgic lump in the throat a couple of times. But I also watched RETURN TO MAYBERRY back in the day just to see Thelma Lou, Otis and whoever hadn't kicked the bucket by then. I think Yogi Berra (or was it Alec Guiness?) put it best. "Nostalgia ain't what it used to be." Sure, it's great to get the band back together, but it would have been nice to hear a few new tunes. My final verdict on  STAR WARS VII?  I could have waited to watch this episode in a second-run house, just as I had the the prequels. And say what you want about them, but at least ol' George tried something original. Sure, he failed for the most part, but it was always his to do so. These days, that ain't gonna put butts in seats. THE FORCE AWAKENS sure has. All it had to do was appeal to the masses and they came out in droves.  It's all in Disney's hands now, just like everything else. It won't be long for  before they put Mouse ears on Vader, Ewoks in The Avengers and a droid version of FROZEN. Enjoy.

Death Star for Cutie

In case anyone wants to know and I really don't why you wouldn't, the answer to the question on everyone's
lips is:
No, I will not be seeing STAR WARS-THE FORCE AWAKENS.

Well, at least not for awhile. There isn't any film I feel the need to see upon opening. That desire passed a long time ago in a cinema far, far away.
(I thought I'd get that out of the way early. It's apparently required.) Eventually I'll get around to seeing this rebooting of the Jedi saga, but honestly, I have about as much enthusiasm for it as I did for the previous trilogy of prequels known to geeks everywhere as "those things we don't talk about any longer". All three of those messterpieces were viewed within the confines of a second-run discount theater as this new model undoubtedly will. The reason is simple: If it's any good at all, it will last. There is no expiration date, is there?

If I seem indifferent to the whole megillah, then guilty as charged. The time for STAR WARS in my life has passed me by. I would have to say that RETURN OF THE JEDI pretty much sealed the deal for me and it wasn't just the Ewoks. I watched the prequels only because I wanted to be a completist, something else I no longer feel obliged to be  Now I don't begrudge anyone's excitement over SW: TFA and won't piss on their parade. The time has come for a new generation of fans, especially those who have felt cheated in the last couple of decades. Sure, I'll poke fun at the franchise itself and its fans here, there and everywhere. It's what I do. Realize that I understand their reverence for this subject and its ramifications. Whatever fills the ever-increasing void that continues to develop on an almost daily basis, please soak in it. The avalanche of hype leading up to the release of this film has been unprecedented, but all signs point to something that will actually live up to its build-up and that, my nerdy brethren and sistren, is a rare bird indeed.

 Don't think I haven't gotten a few pangs of nostalgia from all this. The trailers have been chock-a-block with memories of what was and could have been, now fulfilled for those who took the first journey and those who about to their trip into hyperspace which is, as we all know, "ain't like dustin' crops, boy." Sure, I've felt it. But I haven't given in to the tractor beam.

I suppose some of my resistance stems from the George Lucas backlash and, as witnessed above, I don't live in a glass house myself. (Who the hell does? It sucks in the summertime.) George has done his reputation much good since the 1980s what with all the re-releasing and re-tinkering of his magnum opus as well his Moe., Larry and Curly origin tales known as Chapter 1, 2 and 3. He changed the game around at his discretion, bringing in story developments like (gasp!) midi-chrlorians to explain away the Force. What? It's not a mystical power that binds all lifeforms together in the galaxy? That's absurd! You might as well say Moses didn't part the Red Sea. Check your facts, sir! Perhaps the greatest crime George Lucas ever committed against geekdom was in his redo of the original movie, the one I still have difficulty calling A NEW HOPE . He made Greedo shoot first and not Han Solo. Revisionist history has destroyed childhood memories around the globe. When this version reached the public it was as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. That is, until they all hopped on line and vented their fury toward Lucas as though he was the second coming of Darth Vader himself in chat rooms and forums up and down the internet superhighway. There is a painful documentary called THE PEOPLE VS GEORGE LUCAS  which tore George a new one and never stopped from opening credits to closing. I agree with many of the accusations these fanatics have leveled against him, but they kept piling on to the point of becoming an ugly angry mob, light sabers taking the place of torches in their hands.

Yeah, poor little billionaire George. Suddenly, he's the underdog here? In a manner of speaking, yes, he is. Go ahead. Blame Lucas for messing with the originals, the prequels, Jar Jar Binks, for Yoda's sake. But remember, all would not have been possible at all without him.  STAR WARS is his creation and he had every right to do whatever he wanted to do with it...and he did. He didn't know when to stop.  Finally, he sold his company Lucasfilm to The Walt Disney Company which some would say is his greatest crime. But in doing so, he has relinquished the reins to others  and for the first time, new and abundant stories will expand his universe far beyond even his own imagination. He also gave away half the money he received from Disney to charity, making him a candidate for sainthood in my eyes. So when his name appears in the credits, give George Lucas his due. He should be applauded with the same respect that is given his creation. Hallelujah.

Some day, I'll see THE FORCE AWAKENS. Perhaps it will be my birthday movie this next year. I'm sure it'll still be playing by the end of January. For the rest of you, go forth and enjoy your movie. This is your time.

And may the For.... Nope, not gonna say it. But you go ahead.     

Christopher Lee, Prince of Darkness

This just in from the "prestigious" British newspaper, The Guardian:

Lord of the Rings star Christopher Lee has been awarded a prestigious BFI Fellowship. The presentation will be made on 19 October at Banqueting House, Whitehall, during the London film festival, the BFI's premier event.

The BFI Fellowship is an award given "to individuals in recognition of their outstanding contribution to film or television". 2012's honorees were actor Helena Bonham Carter and director Tim Burton. In 2011, writer-director David Cronenberg and actor-director Ralph Fiennes were recipients.

Wankers.

First of all, it's SIR Christopher Lee. Second of all...LORD OF THE RINGS star? He also "starred" in 1941. What was Dracula...a footnote?

I have great love for this icon of my youth. Obviously, since I wrote an ode to he, Sean Connery and Clint Eastwood in my book IN THE DARK entitled "The Good, the Bad and the Undead". Since Sir Christopher is receiving his award next week and Halloween is coming up, here is an excerpt from ITD all about the man, the fangs and the cape.

The heroes of my life were all killers.

Oh. I’m sorry. It appears that I’ve upset you. Let me assure you that you have nothing to fear from me. If your hackles have been raised since reading those words, you can go ahead and lower them now…slowly. Don’t make any sudden moves. For God’s sake, get that judgmental look off your face…It really disturbs me…

Aw, relax, would ya? It’s not as if I worshipped at the shrine of Charles Manson, traded baseball cards with The Boston Strangler or harbored a lifelong dream to open up the Ed Gein Culinary Academy.

Hardly.

My heroes were a dapper, debonair government assassin, a monosyllabic bounty hunter who brought ‘em in mostly dead not alive and a bloodsucking Lord of the Undead. To better identify them, you might recognize the names James Bond, The Man with No Name and Count Dracula.

In every one of his movies, the last member of my trifecta started out dead. Okay, okay…UN-dead. (Must we have this conversation? It’s all semantics anyway.) He was, of course, Dracula, the Vampire’s Vampire, embodied by the legendary Christopher Lee.

From the mid-fifties to the early seventies, Lee, along with Peter Cushing, was one of the main stars of Hammer Studios, England’s chief producer of horror films. It was there that Lee recreated a couple of Boris Karloff’s greatest roles, namely the Frankenstein Monster and the Mummy. However, it is the character most closely identified with Bela Lugosi that Lee found his fame as well. His interpretation of the Count was vastly and radically different from his predecessor’s. Physically, Lee was taller and certainly more athletic than Lugosi, so Dracula became more of a swashbuckler, albeit an evil swashbuckler. He would use his cape as an extension of his own body, flowing behind him as he strode away or would wrap it around his long frame like a black shroud. He tossed the Transylvanian accent out the window and instead utilized those stentorian tones of his with complete and absolute authority.

But, in my personal favorite of the Hammer/Dracula series and the first I had ever seen, DRACULA, PRINCE OF DARKNESS, Lee has no dialogue at all and it is extremely effective. Dracula is virtually silent during the course of the movie, save for the occasional scowling hiss that seemed to come from deep within where his soul used to be. Never before or since has Dracula been portrayed so frighteningly. This was raw, savage evil incarnate, a truly vicious demon from hell. Legend has it that Lee played it in this manner because his dialogue was so trite. It doesn’t matter to me because, as far as I’m concerned, it worked. It made such an impression on me that when Lee spoke in the follow-up film, DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE, I remember being very disappointed in the change.

Lee had help from the Hammer makeup department that outfitted him with a great set of sharp fangs and, best of all, bloodshot contact lenses. He could have been a poster boy for Visine. He was also provided with another set that were solid red indicating that after a night’s feasting, this dude was full.

The movies themselves contributed greatly to his success in the character. Hammer pictures, while low budgeted, benefited from good to excellent production values. The acting was always decent, the stories fairly exciting and the bottom line was, for an assembly line, Hammer put out a very respectable and reliable product. Naturally, what really stirred my juices were the two ingredients I began to crave…good ol’ sex and violence.

My first memories of blood on the big screen, before then almost a taboo, were in Hammer films. These weren’t overdone splatter effects, but for that time, they didn’t hold back much either. A stake through the heart was no longer just hinted at, projected as a shadow on the wall or executed off camera. There it was in all of its gory glory. When the blood flowed in the resurrection scene of Dracula, Prince of Darkness,  director Terrence Fisher made it almost a character itself, perhaps the essence of all that is unholy.

The icing on my boyhood cake was that these Hammer pictures were so damn lusty which, along with the sexuality portrayed in the Bond pictures, meant I was doing A-OK for my age in the sexual awakening department. I was exposed, in both senses of the word, to many a bursting bodice and plunging peasant blouse that revealed enough cleavage to fill both sides of the screen. Several times too was that camera shot of the undraping of a lusciously voluptuous woman tuned away from the camera, revealing only her naked back that outlined her curvaceous female form, making my increasingly horny little mind believe that I had just seen everything!

Since Dracula is one of the great sex symbols of all time, Lee’s version of the Count fit right into this atmosphere.  You knew damn well this guy was getting a lot more action than the monkey bites he was doling out. It has been said that no one could resist the will of Dracula, but it always seemed that Lee’s victims wanted to give up more than their jugulars.

Christopher Lee will always be the perfect Dracula to me. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m betraying a fellow Hungarian by not giving Bela Lugosi his due, but that’s part of the problem I have with him. Bela always came across to me like a creepy uncle, the one the family didn’t talk about much.  Granted, Lee’s Dracula was more of a product of my era and I accept that. There was no getting around that overpowering presence of his when he donned the cape. Lee gave the world’s greatest vampire his unmistakable signature, the distinction of a great actor that makes him totally identifiable with a given character. As Dracula, he dominated the screen to the point of making all else in the film before, after or even during his screen time seem inconsequential, save for him.

 Lee had a bumpy road ahead of him once he left the cape behind. Fortunately, he was able to make a class A horror film, THE WICKER MAN, a sensational picture from director Robin Hardy and screenwriter Anthony Shaffer. From there, he continued on as a villain in a better grade of films like Richard Lester’s THE THREE and FOUR MUSKETEERS where he held his own against Oliver Reed, Charlton Heston and Faye Dunaway. A dream damn near came true for me when Lee played the James Bond villain in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, an unfortunately weak entry in the series. He managed to shine when the movie didn’t. But now, here he is over the age of ninety appearing in some of the biggest movies of recent times time, the Lord of the Rings trilogy (though Peter Jackson callously cut his scenes from the theatrical version of RETURN OF THE KING) and the Star Wars prequels , where George Lucas kept him for all three films even if he had the unfortunate name of Count Dooku. And Lee’s still working. That, my friends, is called longevity.

Once and forever, I live with the memories of these indelible images. Connery, Sean Connery is Bond, James Bond, saving the world once again from a maniacal madman before tumbling off to the sack with another spectacular babe. Clint Eastwood as the Man with No Name except Blondie takes a puff off his cheroot after drawing his six-shooter and blowing away a pack of ornery cowpokes with names like Umberto and Giuseppe. Finally, standing on the grand staircase of a cobweb ridden castle is a statuesque aristocrat with crimson eyes, an ebony cape and pointed ivory fangs that glisten in the light of the full moon, for he is Christopher Lee as Dracula, the Prince of Darkness…and it’s supper time…

Copyright 2009 by Scott Cherne

UPDATE 6/11/15: Today we learned that Sir Christopher Lee has passed away at the age of 93. If his movies have taught us anything, he shall return. Until he does, his legacy on screens large and small have made him immortal.

IN THE DARK: A LIFE AND TIME IN A MOVIE THEATER is celebrating its tenth anniversary this year. It can be found on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle versions. 

SCOTT CHERNEY'S AMAZON PAGE

Indiana Jones and No Kingdom for Old Men

I have been opposed to yet another installment of the Indiana Jones saga from the very beginning. As far as I

was concerned, ...THE LAST CRUSADE had been a fitting finale, finishing out a trilogy which pretty much tied it all up in a ribbon of closure so we could all move on. The first thing was that it cleansed the palate after THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, the weakest of the three (albeit, the best title). It also included the ingenious casting of Sean Connery as his father, the most significant addition to the series and helped flesh out its main character as a result. There were elements that actually touched the heart, something unheard in this genre. Finally, they rode off into the goddamn sunset. What more could possibly want? Well, if you're George "I'll never let anything go cuz I haven't had an original idea since the Seventies" Lucas, you insist on another chapter because you apparently can't have too much money. Of course the all mighty buck was the main justification for all this. What else? Ego? Bingo! Harrison Ford has grown to be irrelevant in the 21st century, his last hit of any significance being WHAT LIES BENEATH (answer: this festering turd of a movie). Ford didn't need the dough, having done quite well for himself over the years. He just needed to feel useful again. And Steven Spielberg? Apparently, he's fallen on hard times.... Uh-uh. Leggo my ego. Ergo, INDY 4.

Needless to say, I thought this was a bad idea. An aging star reviving an iconic role...hmmm, can anyone say NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN? Yep, Sean stumbled big time trying to bring himself back as James Bond in the mid 1980s, replete with a new rug and a Roger Moore sensibility. It did not work. Want another example? Hw about RETURN TO MAYBERRY?

But that was then.

This is now. We live in an era where originality takes a back seat to cheap imitation (THE MUMMY, NATIONAL TREASURE), endless rehashing (THE MUMMY 2, NATIONAL TREASURE 2) and crass reimagining (oh, you name it). Don't forget that just in the last decade, we were blessed with the Chapters 1-3 of the STAR WARS saga, AKA The Ugly, The Bad and The Good.

Finally, after years of speculation and Lucas procrastination, INDY 4 finally saw the light of day. And its title: INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. First of all, the title is too long. It should be INDIANA JONES AND THE CRYSTAL SKULL. Maybe KINGDOM is in there to try to match INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK...except, NOBODY calls it INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK! (Moot? You betcha! I have as much geek cred as any little obsessive ass with a blog.)

However, I find it safe to say, that this installment can be summed up in two words:

GOOD ENOUGH.

Maybe lowered expectations took the stress out of the situation, but I actually found the film to be quite good from the moment it began. Sure, it's corny as get out with every period cliche in the book, but it is a crash course in 1950s pop culture. You got your Commies. You got your red-baiting FBI type. You got the Bomb. You got Brando wannabe punk Mutt Williams (worst name ever. Sounds like a sportscaster at a Midwest TV station.) You got Area 51. You got your rock n' roll, daddy-o.

Some of the action and pacing is stodgy and clumsy in places (the sword fight on motorcycles? Yeesh...), but the second half really does rev it up, Indy-style with a couple of honest to God jaw dropping moments, namely the army ants and the Mayan ruins. Nobody, but nobody does epic action like lil' Stevie Spielberg.

As for Shia LeBeouf as Mutt....well, he's okay. I don't think he'll be able to carry on the mantle if that's what they have in mind. He has no jaw and I don't think he'll age well. He has no chin.

Karen Allen does. She looks as adorable as she did in RAIDERS. Damn, that's a sweet smile. Too bad they made her so goofy toward the end. Marion and Indy really needed better moments than those awkward reconciliation moments.As for Harrison? He knocked it out of the park. Oh, maybe it tipped over the fence, but it was nice to be reminded what made us like him in the first place. He didn't embarrass himself and that was really the most important thing, let's face it, shall we?

So the film as a whole had its stumbling blocks, namely Ray Winstone's thankless and underdeveloped role. A real shame for an actor I admire. The same pretty much goes for the great Jim Broadbent. What the hell. But John Hurt was a welcome addition and Cate Blanchett...well, we're getting into dangerous ground here, mainly a sexual fantasyland with an E ticket. She was hot as balls. I'll leave it at that.

Unlike the consensus of critical opinion of this latest offering, I prefer the second half over the first. While I'm not too crazy about the epilogue, way too cutesy pie for my taste, I left the theater not feeling either cheated, compromised or sad, erasing the dread out of my system and actually feeling like telling Georgie Porgie "thank you"-mainly for not fucking it up.

THE CRYSTAL SKULL... not as good as THE LAST CRUSADE, but better than TEMPLE OF DOOM. From that standpoint, that's why I declare it:

GOOD ENOUGH.

NOW can we move on?

How about it, George?

Oh.

He's too busy working on the STAR WARS TV series.

Full of Sith

(If you haven't seen Revenge of the Sith yet, be forewarned that this is chock full o' spoilers.If you don't care one way or the other, what are you doing here anyway? Go read Rosie O'Donnell's blog. Maybe there's a sequel to Riding the Bus with My Sister in the works.)

So the Star Wars saga is now complete. Revenge of the Sith, the third and final piece of the big jigsaw puzzle has been set into place, connecting the entire series together.

And the verdict is...

IT DOESN'T SUCK!

Everybody fanboy in the world has been tripping over themselves so that may grovel at the feet of George "Don't call me Toad" Lucas for not screwing this one up too.

"Shank you, Mishter Lucash! Shank you! You've given us all a reashon to live again! We have all been sho disshapointed in the lasht few yearsh. Shtar Trek let ush down....The Matrixsh shequelsh shucked...sho did The Lord of the Ringsh... Oh wait, that didn't shuck. But that was fantashy! Thish ish schinche fichtion! What you have done, George...can I call you George?... Mishter Lucash. Yesshir... What you have done with Shtar Warsh-Chapter Three-Revenge of the Shith is bring it all together and sheamlishly connect it with Shtar Warsh-Chapter Four: A New Hope. That'sh what you given ush...A New Hope. Shank you again for lowering our shtandardsh sho much with the last two moviesh than when you've made a half-way dechent attempt thish time around, it looksh like a freakin' mashterpiece in comparishon! Shank you, Mishter Lucash! Oh, shank you...and may the Forche be with you!"

Look, kiddies, don't be so goddamn grateful to Darth Lucas. Sith had to be good. He owed it to you. He owed it to me. He's owed it anyone who has ever given two figs about Star Wars at all. What he did was make up for lost time and that is the twenty years that passed since Return of the Jedi. It's no secret to anyone that The Phantom Menace was not only atrocious, but a slap right across the pimply face of every fan out there. He himself has admitted that the first two prequels only had about 20% story in each. The rest was all padding...and that padding was out and out pimping of merchandising-toy, games and other piles of future landfill. Over the years one truth has emerged from all of Lucas' raping and pillaging of the young and the young at heart...

George Lucas is NOT a Jedi. He went over to the Dark Side a long time ago in a Bay Area far, far away... Okay. Fine. That's overstating it (No! Really?) He's just such a goddamn disappointment to me.

My anger at Darth Lucas is not directed at the film, which I'll get into later. This all stems from the May 20 interview with Lucas in Entertainment Weekly that preceded the release of the film. I held onto it until after I saw Sith since EW should really be called Spoiler Weekly and I'd rather see the movie first. (I know, I said I have spoilers in this thing too but how much money did you pay to read this? Spoilers in the media equals bad journalism, so there) I guess what infuriates me about Lucas is his total lack of passion for his own creation and how he spits in the face of anyone who cares more he does. He had to "add Hamburger Helper" to fill out the first two movies. This all stems from his "aversion to wordsmithing". Fine. You hate writing so much then why didn't you get some help, Toad? One of the reasons The Empire Strikes Back is generally acknowledged to be the best of the bunch because the screenplay was written by legendary screenwriter Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan, no slouch himself. You remember him? He co-wrote Return of the Jedi with you. What's the matter, couldn't afford him? Maybe someone could have helped with some of the more embarrassing moments in the new film too. (Let me also give credit to both Irvin Kershner and Richard Marquand who directed the second and third installments as well)
I guess what really just rankles my Bantha is that George was one of the great hopes of my generation. He was a rebel that broke ranks with Hollywood years ago and was going to right the wrongs of a system that was spinning into the dark morass. In days past he championed the future of film with his creation of Industrial Light and Magic and THX soun. He even helped fund some interesting side projects, like co-producing Akira Kurosawa's Kagemusha and Paul Schrader's Mishima. Unfortunately, he became part of the very problem himself. Projects were announced and dropped like so much litter so as the story of The Tuskegee Airmen that was eventually made by HBO without Lucas. Movies became less important than the products themselves. He became more of a toymaker than a filmmaker. By setting himself up as king of his own empire, Lucas has found absolute power...and you what they say about that, don't you?

As far as Revenge of the Sith goes, I have to say that I liked it for the most part. It is actually the only one of the prequels I would see again, but that's not to say it's not without its problems.
I will say that is is a good movie...not great. It falls into fourth place behind Jedi, with Empire being number one followed by the first. (NOT CHAPTER 4! I REFUSE TO PLAY THAT GAME!) However, I will say it is the only one in the series that actually engaged me emotionally in a couple of instances, so on that level, it damn near succeeded. I didn't really get into it until about half way through the picture. The first hour reminded me of Clones, technically adept but flat, clumsy and uninvolving. The whole rescue of Palpatine had a been there, done that feeling. More should have been made of the death of Count Dooku, especially how he was killed.
AND ANOTHER THING...
Christopher Lee is one of my boyhood idols and one of the greatest genre actors of all time...Couldn't you give him a more dignified name than Count fucking DOO-KU?
But Lucas gets points for giving Mr. Lee his due in this last movie and not cutting him out like Peter Jackson did in Return of the King. Advantage, Lucas. In your face, Hobbit boy!
Oh, but you lose those points anytime Padame refers to the future Lord Vader as "Annie".

The PG-13 rating seemed to liberate Lucas quite a bit, knowing that if he was going to tell this story right, he'd have to delve deeper into darker territories and eliminate a lot of baggage. Gone thankfully are many of the cutesy elements that have plagued the series since the days of the dreaded Ewoks (though there was still too much R2-D2 for my taste).
More should have been made as well when Anakin kills the kids. That should have been the pivotal moment. He killed children, for Chrissakes. Lucas treated it as though he shot the cat. This horrible act, certain proof that Skywalker had crossed over to the Dark Side, was so glossed over that it seems that Lucas was embarrassed by it all. Maybe he felt it might appear he was taking it out on the younger audience. If Uncle George was so uncomfortable with it, he shouldn't have included it. The final duel on the volcano planet is quite something to behold, concluding with Annakin’s loss of limbs and sizzling on the ground like fajita night at Chili’s. (Except for the fight on the tiny platform in the lava flow which looked like a gag from a Zucker Brothers movie when adversaries in a gunfight shoot at each other from both sides of a small table) This and the final metamorphosis of burn victim into the Dark Lord was worth the price of admission, except for the big "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

A couple of elements I feel lacking:

Maybe, since Anakin killed all those kids, he should have made some reference to his own unborn children and perhaps threatened their existence somehow. Hey, I’m just throwing it out there.

It’s quite telling that all of the breakout characters from the last three films have been the Dark Side (General Grievous and Darth Maul, even the Emperor himself). Everyone of the “good guys” (with the exception of Yoda, better than in the last film, but he is not a new character) are dull as dishwater. No wonder Annakin wanted to cross over. Ewan MacGregor is decent enough as Obi-Wan but I have problems with him. I've wanted to punch his face since Moulin Rouge. Lucas really missed the boat not evening the field with someone along the lines of Han Solo, without being just another “rascal”. Mace Windu could have been that character, kind of a cooler version of a Jedi Master. Who’s cooler than Samuel L. Jackson? This is not to say he should played like Jedi Superfly with a switchblade light saber. He just could have been at the very least a little less stoic and maybe just a little more swashbuckling. Perhaps if he were a little less bland, his eventual death would have meant more than it did.

All this is probably making this space opera more complex than it really should be. Remember the simplicity of the original? Sometimes George went too far and was unable to go far enough to make it wholly satisfactory.

I did like the small touches here and there of things to come, especially the Peter Cushing look-alike toward the end and the too short of a trip to the Wookie planet. Having Chewbacca as a general was a bit gratuitous. I would have bought it more if he was a foot soldier. How did he go from military brass to second banana to a bandit? Did he hit the skids? Maybe Chewie was hitting the pipe. I’m so glad Lucas resisted any urge to have a little smart-ass punk stealing some fruit from a vendor who’d yell “Han Solo! You bring that back!”

Hayden Christensen perhaps he realized "This was it" and had better up his game if he was to make this movie work at all. Those of us that were afraid he would become Darth Whiner can be suitably relieved. Maybe he knew that if he botched it, he'd be victimized the rest of his life by legions of geeks, nerds and fanboys from every corner of the universe. If you can accept the premise that this is the guy who will be Vader, you can see Christensen is at long last credible in the role.

By the end, I found myself actually engaged emotionally a couple of times, something that has never occurred in the other five movies. Through all my cynical veneer toward this whole enterprise, I was into it to the final scene.

As a whole, I can say I walked away satisfied that it's all over now, though I know better after all this time. It ain't over cuz Geoge doesn't know when to leave it the hell alone. He'll release the entire she-bang in 3-D as he's announced but he'll still mess with them. Some day Alec Guinness will be doing backflips and jumping around the room like everybody else. Jabba will probably be on the Atkins diet and we'll see a slimmer version of the Hutin order to promote a healthier lifestyle. Just for fun, Padame could get some breast augmentation. There'll be the TV shows and the novelizations of course and one day, mark my words, there will be another movie. I don't begrudge him controlling his universe however he wants. I just wish he'd quit rewriting history and just move on...and NOT to another Indiana Jones movie. LEAVE THAT ALONE TOO! (That is unless you want to make a geriatric Jones picture since Harrison is aging rapidly even as we speak.)

The thing is, Lucas has regained some goodwill he's lost in the last decade with this what should be the grand finale. He's said that he wants to make a small picture like he did back in college. Maybe he can be a little more like Martin Scorsese, one of his peers and do something about film preservation or help give some filmmakers a boost that really need it in this day and age. We'll just have to see what he does.

To quote another source, George:
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't fuck it up again.
Oh, and may the Force...well, you know.