Smorgasblog

Another Easter down and The Ten Commandments (AKA Moses! Moses! Moses!) remains the undisputed champion of this particular holiday films. Time to throw some contenders Cecil B.'s way for next year, don't you think? There are other Biblical blockbusters to choose from such as King of Kings or Passion of the Christ. But since the former is stodgy w/o the Hoot factor of Commandments and the latter being, pardon the expression, rough trade, epics of this nature don't really sustain as perennials.

Therefore, we have to go to the original scwewy wabbit himself, The Easter Bunny.      

First off, forget HOP which is forever tainted with whatever diseases Russell Brand left behind in the voice studio after lending his inconsiderable talents to this awful Peep of animation.

Instead, I would suggest the following:

NIGHT OF THE LEPUS...Giant mutant rabbits attack the Southwest. Need I say more?

DONNIE DARKO...the overrated kult klassic (intentional k, like krab)

or perhaps STAR 80.

Casting News: Ashton Kutcher has signed to play Steve Jobs in a new biopic. Jane Fonda has been cast as Nancy Reagan in Lee Daniels' followup to PRECIOUS. Next come the locust.

Attention Comcast, Fios, Dish and Direct TV: I would pay good money for a pop-up blocker for my TV. No more logos, promos, Twitter feeds or anything other than the content for which I am paying. I'd also block Alec Baldwin who pops up just about everywhere.

I've decided to not pay decent money to see Titanic in 3D at my local cineplex. Instead, I'll watch it at home while my wife stands behind the TV and throws ice cubes at me. Then I'll go drop a necklace in the toilet.

RED ASPHALT has finally lifted off the ground. I'm proud to announce that my novel is having its best year ever, climbing ever so high in the Amazon sale ranks for the very first time. However, one has to take the bad with the good, the bitter with the sweet, the fertilizer with the flowers:

Amazon customer Rebecca S. Stahl of Fort Worth, Texas has decided to weigh in . Here's what she thinks of  RED ASPHALT:

I cannot believe that this has received so many good reviews. I am 16% of the way through and I keep hoping that something will happen. The tediousness of the narrative is boring and the constant switch from imaginings to his real life are inane. I will try to keep plodding through this, but so far it is really bad.

I'll bet she's an Ashton Kutcher fan.

Enough of my inane bullshit. Los Angeles theatre critic Jason Rohrer has a brilliant column on the stage of the stage today. His spot-on observations could be applied to any facet of the arts scene today, but in this case, well, the title says it all: WHY THEATRE SUCKS

http://losangeles.bitter-lemons.com/2012/04/08/why-theater-sucks