The Good, the Bad and the Really Friggin' Ugly

Actor/major tool Sean Penn, speaking at an antiwar rally in Sacramento this week, said that he’s unable to quit smoking while George Bush is in office.

Who needs Cindy Sheehan when we can just use Sean’s plight to appeal to the President?

“Mr. President! PLEEEAAASSSEE stop the war! PLEEEAAASSSEEEE step down from office! Can’t you see you’re KILLING one of our finest actors!”

What a maroon.

As 2006 immediately begins to shape up to be another marvelous year in this form of existence, it’s no small wonder why I’ve been on a real film binge as of late. In the world of cinema, I am safe and sound. Sure, I may be hiding out, but it’s only temporary. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Since the beginning of the holidays, I've been ravenously gobbling as many gourmet product as I can possibly consume. I could say that I am furthering my ongoing cinematic studies, but that would be a load. The truth of the matter is that I’m gorging myself on movies because I’m a damn pig.

Among the many titles I’ve perused, here are some of the highlights.

MAD HOT BALLROOM-Everybody’s feel-good documentary delivered the goods in my household as well. Much better than the overrated SPELLBOUND, this was a kid’s movie I could stomach without wanting to join the Zero Population Growth movement. Maybe there’s just something that is so charming and maybe just a little ridiculous about pre-teens learning ballroom dancing that it won me over.

From the 1950s comes A FACE IN THE CROWD, a film that’s eluded me over the years and I am so jazzed that I’ve finally caught with it. Written by Budd Schulberg and directed by Elia Kazan after ON THE WATERFRONT, this fable about the rise and fall of a media superstar has a message that resonates over the five decades since its release to sound as vital as ever. Take a look at “stars” such as Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannitty, even deposed Golden Boy Rush Limbaugh and their minions (or even their polar opposites on the Left) to prove its point. Nothing’s changed in fifty years…except the technology. Andy Griffith is an absolute revelation as Lonesome Rhoades, the superstar in question. As my friend Max pointed out, he’s like Andy of Mayberry’s evil twin. Also check out a very young-and so extremely hot-Lee Remick.

But the best film I’ve seen in months has to be OLDBOY, Park Chan-wook’s sick masterpiece from Korea. This is filmmaking of the highest order and the roughest ride you will take in quite some time. See this at your own risk. It ain’t for the squeamish, that’s for sure. It is not only unflinching in its depiction of ultra-violence, it practically reinvents it. But besides the extremely graphic action sequences (including a fantastic three minute fight scene in one continuous shot), there is a brutal and ultimately tender tale that plays out to an unforgettable conclusion. “Wow” is all I can really add, except remember these three things-a hammer, an octopus and some very spicy dumplings. That’s all I’m going to say.

Enjoy.

Katrina's a Nasty Bitch

Welcome to the Department of Redundancy as just one more blog about the country's worst disaster, the one, the only Mother of All Ball Busting Whores, Hurricane Katrina. What can be said that hasn't been said by better (and maybe worse)bloggers than myself? Probably not a helluva lot, though isn't it interesting that this occurred near the same time of the OTHER big story of the 21st Century, that being 9/11. Oh you remember 9/11, don't you? It was in all the papers. You recall that this country was sucker punched in the heart by a band of scum-sucking rat bastards and how, ever so briefly, time positively stopped and we all looked at each other in a brand new light. There was a unity that hadn't existed in my lifetime and for once, I was actually proud to be an American.

Of course, pride, being what it is, has a tendency to overrule other emotions and, more often than not, common sense. As time wore on, so did the swelling of the chest when the realization that not only were things back where they were, they were even worse. Comparisons between the two disasters are not so readily apparent. It lies in the difference between PRIDE and SHAME. I guess we can handle ourselves during UN-natural disasters. As far as something that happens naturally...like the freakish weather, well, it may depend on not only the color of your skin, but the amount in your wallet. Class warfare still exists as much today as racism.

Oh, but we can't play The Blame Game, can we? No siree. (Hey, wouldn't that be a great show on The Game Show Network? It's The Blame Game w/ Chuck Woolery! ) I don't care who blames who anymore. Just get the goddamn job done and help the South rise again. Come on, W. Them states that need the most help are RED, ain't they?

By the way, what the hell was he doing in the early stages anyway-listening to an audio book version of MY PET GOAT? He reminds me of a character from the very first Pee Wee Herman Show broadcast on HBO in the eighties. Pee Wee showed an old educational film about manners featuring a character named Mr. Bungle (in the manner of Highlights magazine's Goofus and Gallant) Mr. Bungle couldn't do anything right. . George W. Bungle. He can't do nothin' right! Well, he did manage to get himself re-elected.

Celebrities are out in force too, pitching where needed and not necessarily wanted by the Powers That Be, but some are really showing what they're made of. Oprah and her Army are there, but that's expected. As much as I rake her over the coals on a regular basis, there's no denying she has a huge heart and thankfully, deep pockets. Two weeks ago, I would slapped Sean Penn across the nutsack with a Cricket paddle for going to Iran for another left wing travelogue, but now I want to shake his hand for actually rescuing survivors. Was it just for publicity? Who knows? It still happened and people are still alive for his efforts. Then there's all the fund raising that I hope gets in to the right hands because as we all have learned, you trust the bureaucracies, can we? As for Kanye West's comments about Bush, who gives a shit? I think he scared poor Mike Myers who hasn't been seen since.

There's a turd with a microphone, an ultra conservative talk show host here in Portland named Lars Larson. Now I will him credit for his fund raising efforts with the Salvation Army last week, but to hear him speak, he may want to make sure this money goes to those survivors with a lighter skin tone. There was talk of bringing about 1000 survivors here in Oregon, putting them up in a deserted school. One of the great mistakes here right now is a brand new jail that's been inexplicably sitting empty since it was built. Some dope suggested putting the evacuees in the new jail, ignoring the possible psychological ramifications of such a move. Well, Ol' Lars thought it was a swell idea because after all, "Who's to say what percentage of the evacuees might be criminals anyway?" Hey Lars, if that doesn't pan out, how about a nice INTERNMENT CAMP? Worked out real good for the Japanese! Or better yet, let's give some vacant spots over in Guantanamo Bay. I hear the food there is just delish.

The more I hear, the more I see, I really think we're headed for some kind of a civil war. United we stand, divided we fall...

If that happens, then the hurricanes have won.