And Another Thing...

"America lifted its skirts and showed us that its panties are dirty."-Rev. Wally Walker of the Noah's Ark Ministry in New Orleans', describing the government's mishandling of Hurricaine Katrina.

As the world moves on, the pieces have just begun to picked up, one twig at a time in the weeks that have followed the Gulf Coast Massacre of '05.

President Bungle has accepted responsibility in the federal handling of the crisis, ala Harry Truman's "The Buck Stops Here". Maybe he's finally beginning to grow up. Maybe I just want to believe just a smidgen because it's too painful to think he really doesn't care at all. By the by, do ya think he knows who Kanye West even is?
"Kanye West? Never heard of her. Kanye Francis. I heard'a her. Kanye Stevens. She was Pepper on 77 SUNSET STRIP."

Hey, George. I don't really know who he is either. Didn't he used to be 50 Cent? That's marked down from what?

Whenever I hear Michael Chertoff, the Homeland Security chief, I have an urge to name a star after somebody. Come on. He sounds like Rocky Mozell of the International Star Registry. Fine. I'm the only chump who still listens to the radio.

Ah-nuld wants to run for re-election as Governor of Cally-fornia. Apparently, two other names have popped up who might oppose him-Rob Reiner and Warren Beatty. Aren't there anymore real politicians left in California? What happened to that little Mr. Spacely guy who ran as a Democrat last time? Did he just slink away into obscurity when he actually lost to Schwarzenegger? Maybe he went back to making quality sprockets at affordable prices.

Russell Crowe said not only may not be able to come back to America, he might not want to. Too bad. He could be the new Verizon guy. "Can you hear me now, mate? Goddamn it, I said can you hear now? What are, fucking DEAF????" Then he'll throw his phone at the four eyed dork and KA-CHING! He's back in business!

As far as the Emmys go, who really cares? DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES will get too many awards for being a mediocre show and not a comedy to begin with. It's just not funny enough to qualify in that category. Both RESCUE ME and NIP/TUCK got skunked so my interest level has flat-lined. If WILL & GRACE wins anything, I'll heave. I would like to see Hugh Laurie win for HOUSE, a good show with a great lead, not unlike MONK in that sense. Peter Boyle should get at least one for the road.

Two shows to recommend:
HBO's ROME, which should be advertised as The Original SOPRANOS, is a helluva big pleasant surprise. Very involving and easier to follow than DEADWOOD, this also boasts a fine cast with standouts by Ray Anthony as Titus, kind of a Russell Crowe without the douche attitude, and the incredibly HOT and devious Polly Walker.

The Sundance Channel has been running a Canadian series called SLINGS AND ARROWS, behind the scenes at a Shakespearean theatre company, which is very funny and fairly accurate, speaking as one who has has some time on and off stage in my time. Mark McKinney from KIDS IN THE HALL co-stars and co-created it.

All for now but some for later.
Oh, and one time, with feeling:
THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!

Katrina's a Nasty Bitch

Welcome to the Department of Redundancy as just one more blog about the country's worst disaster, the one, the only Mother of All Ball Busting Whores, Hurricane Katrina. What can be said that hasn't been said by better (and maybe worse)bloggers than myself? Probably not a helluva lot, though isn't it interesting that this occurred near the same time of the OTHER big story of the 21st Century, that being 9/11. Oh you remember 9/11, don't you? It was in all the papers. You recall that this country was sucker punched in the heart by a band of scum-sucking rat bastards and how, ever so briefly, time positively stopped and we all looked at each other in a brand new light. There was a unity that hadn't existed in my lifetime and for once, I was actually proud to be an American.

Of course, pride, being what it is, has a tendency to overrule other emotions and, more often than not, common sense. As time wore on, so did the swelling of the chest when the realization that not only were things back where they were, they were even worse. Comparisons between the two disasters are not so readily apparent. It lies in the difference between PRIDE and SHAME. I guess we can handle ourselves during UN-natural disasters. As far as something that happens naturally...like the freakish weather, well, it may depend on not only the color of your skin, but the amount in your wallet. Class warfare still exists as much today as racism.

Oh, but we can't play The Blame Game, can we? No siree. (Hey, wouldn't that be a great show on The Game Show Network? It's The Blame Game w/ Chuck Woolery! ) I don't care who blames who anymore. Just get the goddamn job done and help the South rise again. Come on, W. Them states that need the most help are RED, ain't they?

By the way, what the hell was he doing in the early stages anyway-listening to an audio book version of MY PET GOAT? He reminds me of a character from the very first Pee Wee Herman Show broadcast on HBO in the eighties. Pee Wee showed an old educational film about manners featuring a character named Mr. Bungle (in the manner of Highlights magazine's Goofus and Gallant) Mr. Bungle couldn't do anything right. . George W. Bungle. He can't do nothin' right! Well, he did manage to get himself re-elected.

Celebrities are out in force too, pitching where needed and not necessarily wanted by the Powers That Be, but some are really showing what they're made of. Oprah and her Army are there, but that's expected. As much as I rake her over the coals on a regular basis, there's no denying she has a huge heart and thankfully, deep pockets. Two weeks ago, I would slapped Sean Penn across the nutsack with a Cricket paddle for going to Iran for another left wing travelogue, but now I want to shake his hand for actually rescuing survivors. Was it just for publicity? Who knows? It still happened and people are still alive for his efforts. Then there's all the fund raising that I hope gets in to the right hands because as we all have learned, you trust the bureaucracies, can we? As for Kanye West's comments about Bush, who gives a shit? I think he scared poor Mike Myers who hasn't been seen since.

There's a turd with a microphone, an ultra conservative talk show host here in Portland named Lars Larson. Now I will him credit for his fund raising efforts with the Salvation Army last week, but to hear him speak, he may want to make sure this money goes to those survivors with a lighter skin tone. There was talk of bringing about 1000 survivors here in Oregon, putting them up in a deserted school. One of the great mistakes here right now is a brand new jail that's been inexplicably sitting empty since it was built. Some dope suggested putting the evacuees in the new jail, ignoring the possible psychological ramifications of such a move. Well, Ol' Lars thought it was a swell idea because after all, "Who's to say what percentage of the evacuees might be criminals anyway?" Hey Lars, if that doesn't pan out, how about a nice INTERNMENT CAMP? Worked out real good for the Japanese! Or better yet, let's give some vacant spots over in Guantanamo Bay. I hear the food there is just delish.

The more I hear, the more I see, I really think we're headed for some kind of a civil war. United we stand, divided we fall...

If that happens, then the hurricanes have won.