At Long Last Blog

It's been awhile between postings. What's going on in the world since last month? France went up in smoke,

the threat of Bird Flu and the hubbub about a guy named Scooter, a name nobody above the age of ten should have. What a world. Then there's actually a debate and vote over the merits of torture. Huh? Such compassion. Those in the "yea" category are the same ones who cheered as Paris burned last week. They were so happy, they started Freedom kissing each other in the Senate chambers. As for the possible Avian flu outbreak, wouldn't it be a kick in the ass if President Bungle brought it into this country after his trip to Asia? "I'm George W. Bush...and I approve this pandemic." This dumbass probably ate some bad McNuggets while he was in Beijing cuz he don't like no Chinky food. Gives him the trots.

Let's lighten up a bit with some...
GREAT BAND NAMES
(guaranteed authentic!)
1. Bile
2.Hillbilly Devilspeak
3.Torture Cookies
4.Stink and Linger
5. The Buttless Chaps

On the TV front, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT bit the dust, but at least FOX gave it three tries which were, unfortunately, not a charm. I do admit that I am going miss Bob Loblaw. The only show out of this year's crop that I think is worthy of all the attention is EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS and particularly its star, Tyler James Williams as the young Chris Rock. NIP/TUCK, my favorite series of the last couple of years and the show I used to say "never fails to disappoint", is falling into a crappy pit of mediocrity. Could be a little too self-congratulations on the parts of the producers have caused this season to slip creatively. It's happened to many a show before, but hopefully it will dig itself out. ROME, on the other hand, ending next week, has moved into my top spot. Fun fun fun. Kind of like GLADIATOR crossed with THE WEST WING and DYNASTY, all mixed together in a ....Caesar salad. Ba-dump-bump!

May I now sing the praises of ON DEMAND cable, something that is changing the way we watch the tube. Thanks to this service from heaven, I have been able to catch up on a lot of shows that I've missed during this recent hiatus. The aforementioned ROME, Ricky Gervais' EXTRAS and many a movie including Johny To's FULLTIME KILLER starring Andy Lau (HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS), a sensational Hong Kong actioner (as they say in Variety) that is almost as good as early John Woo. Also noteworthy is Noel Black's PRETTY POISON from 1968, a little thriller with Tony Perkins, who could be a distant cousin to Christopher Walken, and a smoking hot Tuesday Weld. The fact that I could watch these and so much more programming whenever the hell I felt like is so liberating. It's nice to have something to live for...before I keel over dead from a lethal duck virus.

Speaking of which...

A girl walks down the street carrying a duck.
A drunk stumbles over to her and says,
"Hey! Where'd you get that pig!"
"That's not a pig," the girl tells him. " It's a duck."
The drunk replies, "I was talking to the duck!"

You Miami audiences are the greatest!
G'night!

And Another Thing...

"America lifted its skirts and showed us that its panties are dirty."-Rev. Wally Walker of the Noah's Ark Ministry in New Orleans', describing the government's mishandling of Hurricaine Katrina.

As the world moves on, the pieces have just begun to picked up, one twig at a time in the weeks that have followed the Gulf Coast Massacre of '05.

President Bungle has accepted responsibility in the federal handling of the crisis, ala Harry Truman's "The Buck Stops Here". Maybe he's finally beginning to grow up. Maybe I just want to believe just a smidgen because it's too painful to think he really doesn't care at all. By the by, do ya think he knows who Kanye West even is?
"Kanye West? Never heard of her. Kanye Francis. I heard'a her. Kanye Stevens. She was Pepper on 77 SUNSET STRIP."

Hey, George. I don't really know who he is either. Didn't he used to be 50 Cent? That's marked down from what?

Whenever I hear Michael Chertoff, the Homeland Security chief, I have an urge to name a star after somebody. Come on. He sounds like Rocky Mozell of the International Star Registry. Fine. I'm the only chump who still listens to the radio.

Ah-nuld wants to run for re-election as Governor of Cally-fornia. Apparently, two other names have popped up who might oppose him-Rob Reiner and Warren Beatty. Aren't there anymore real politicians left in California? What happened to that little Mr. Spacely guy who ran as a Democrat last time? Did he just slink away into obscurity when he actually lost to Schwarzenegger? Maybe he went back to making quality sprockets at affordable prices.

Russell Crowe said not only may not be able to come back to America, he might not want to. Too bad. He could be the new Verizon guy. "Can you hear me now, mate? Goddamn it, I said can you hear now? What are, fucking DEAF????" Then he'll throw his phone at the four eyed dork and KA-CHING! He's back in business!

As far as the Emmys go, who really cares? DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES will get too many awards for being a mediocre show and not a comedy to begin with. It's just not funny enough to qualify in that category. Both RESCUE ME and NIP/TUCK got skunked so my interest level has flat-lined. If WILL & GRACE wins anything, I'll heave. I would like to see Hugh Laurie win for HOUSE, a good show with a great lead, not unlike MONK in that sense. Peter Boyle should get at least one for the road.

Two shows to recommend:
HBO's ROME, which should be advertised as The Original SOPRANOS, is a helluva big pleasant surprise. Very involving and easier to follow than DEADWOOD, this also boasts a fine cast with standouts by Ray Anthony as Titus, kind of a Russell Crowe without the douche attitude, and the incredibly HOT and devious Polly Walker.

The Sundance Channel has been running a Canadian series called SLINGS AND ARROWS, behind the scenes at a Shakespearean theatre company, which is very funny and fairly accurate, speaking as one who has has some time on and off stage in my time. Mark McKinney from KIDS IN THE HALL co-stars and co-created it.

All for now but some for later.
Oh, and one time, with feeling:
THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!