Easter has never been one of my favorite holidays. I'm not religious, the buffets suck ass and I'm just not into pastel colors. Maybe my disdain for this holiday goes back to my childhood.
We had an Easter egg hunt in the backyard of my cousin's house. I found the golden egg. This meant I got the special prize: My very own goldfish and a little can of fish food. We put him a bowl of his own when we got home and before I went to bed, I told him,
"When you live with me, you're gonna eat good." (Don't correct my grammar. I was six.)
I then turned the can of food upside and emptied at least a third of it into the bowl. The next morning, he was floating at the top of the bowl sideways. DOA. I wanted to name him Floaty, but I ended up flushing him instead.
Another Easter down and The Ten Commandments (AKA Moses! Moses! Moses!) remains the undisputed champion of this particular holiday, film-wise. Time to throw some contenders Cecil B.'s way for next year, don't you think? There are other Biblical blockbusters to choose from such as King of Kings or Passion of the Christ. But since the former is stodgy w/o the Hoot factor of Commandments and the latter being, pardon the expression, rough trade, epics of this nature don't really sustain as perennials.
Therefore, we have to go to the original scwewy wabbit himself, The Easter Bunny.
Therefore, I would suggest the following:
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS...Giant mutant rabbits attack the Southwest. Need I say more?
DONNIE DARKO...the overrated kult klassic (intentional k, like krab)
or perhaps STAR 80.
Well, I've got eggs to open. Hopefully, I got some panty hose this year.
