Showing posts with label safari. Show all posts
Showing posts with label safari. Show all posts

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Twenty Years of Thumbs


I first heard the phrase "please hold thumbs" from the South African would be my son-in-law.

Since I had never heard this before, he told  me it was "something we do for luck". In other words, it's the equivalent of crossing one's fingers. Does it work? Well, as the expression goes, time will tell. In this case, that time is ten years long.

Two entire decades has passed since my wife Laurie and I took the definitive adventure of our concurrent lifetimes when we traveled to the other side of the world just to attend a wedding. Of course, it wasn't just any wedding, but that of my brilliant and beautiful daughter Lindsay to that South African triatheletic motormouth love of her life, Chris.

That 11 day long saga going from here (Portland, OR) to there (South Africa) became the basis of my book,  PLEASE HOLD THUMBS, a tome I am proud to call my very own. This is the tale of the ultimate Cherney Journey, one that included an honest-to-garsh safari (with amorous lions and pissed off elephants), air travel troubles I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies (well...maybe) and The Main Event, the most extraordinary nuptials ever. For a place I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be in the first place, South Africa got under my skin and into my soul.

What started out to be a mere vanity project (What I Did on My Summer Vacation zzzzz....) evolved into something else entirely over time. I came to realize that PLEASE HOLD THUMBS at its core was a love story. Naturally that included Lindsay and Chris' whirlwind romance, but also the love I have for my wife, family and even finding a way to love myself, probably the toughest pill of all to swallow. I finally came to terms with my place in the world and discovered that it's all a matter of perspective. I also realized that the journey ain't over 'til it's really over.

So what about that "luck" thing? 

At the end of July, Lindsay and Chris will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary, a milestone that must be shouted to the heavens. Their union has produced their best collaboration possible, the loves of my life, our granddaughters, Aefa, my theater girl with the golden eyes and the fierce warrior peanut herself, Athena. The love story continues.

Consider this a biased testimony, but as far I'm concerned, holding one's thumbs works.

I should do it more often.
Me in Kruger Park back at the turn of the century

I have several excerpts from said book on this here blog, all gathered together on the page I cleverly called CHERNEY JOURNEYS

Individually, they are:

OH, THAT'S NICE!
The first chapter in full

HURRY UP AND WAIT
The painful three day trip from Portland to Johannesburg

A little something called a Tokoloshe visited me in my dreams

A side-trip to Tijuana when I was a young 'un

BAD KITTY
The amazing safari in Kruger Park

For anyone who has an interest in reading the whole story go to:

But, most importantly, because without the two of them, this grand adventure would never have transpired...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, LINDSAY AND CHRIS!


Sunday, March 06, 2022

Please Hold Thumbs: Bad Kitty


Welcome to the final FREE FREE FREE preview of the magnum opus written by yours truly entitled PLEASE HOLD THUMBS: A NOT-SO-ROUND TRIP TO SOUTH AFRICA, now on sale all across the web including Amazon.com and at the source, Lulu.com.


To catch you up to speed, my wife Laurie and I have had one helluva time getting to South Africa to attend the wedding of our daughter. In fact, it took us four days to get there , no thanks to the World 's Worst Air Carrier, Delta Airlines (AKA The Big Turd in the Sky). Anyway, after finally arriving, we made the most out of our truncated dream vacation by taking in a safari in South Africa's magnificent Kruger Park.

I hope you enjoy this final excerpt called:

PLEASE HOLD THUMBS: BAD KITTY

Morning came quicker than any of us had hoped, especially since it had been the identical early hour we had arisen to the day before. First on the agenda after the hearty South African breakfast was the first safari of the day, the best time to catch the animals out and about since, just like their human counterparts, this was rush hour to them. We had been told to bundle up as we’d traveling once again our open-air transport and the time of year in this part of the world had been winter. And damn effing brisk it had been indeed as we soon discovered zipping about the park with our trusty guide, Russell, at the helm.

As we discovered, morning had been the optimum time of day to spot animals. Everybody was out in force and on the move, giving us a glimpse of rush hour, Wild Kingdom style, complete with exhaust of a more organic kind as evidenced by the piles of poop left just about everywhere. Interestingly enough, many animals traveled in packs, such as the giraffe, zebra and wildebeest. According to Russell, this was a survival tactic. Each species in the pack looked out for one another, nature not just taking of itself but one another. As they crossed the roads ahead of us, the pack seemed to be a variation of the It Takes a Village philosophy taken to its most basic and natural conclusion: survival.

Since my knowledge of animals isn’t very extensive, I was surprised to learn that the wildebeest and the gnu are sa
me creature. It wasn’t until I saw them trotting along that I heard them call, “Gnu! Gnuuuuu! Gnu!” like a cow with a hairlip.

Russell slowed our vehicle to a crawl as we encountered our first lions. Moving along at the beginning of their day as they always had, these magnificent beasts ignored the likes of us, staying primarily on one side of the road while we kept a safe distance. On the other side and trailing behind were three yo
ung rogue lions, looking as though they had a rough night on the town. Russell explained that these three teenage punks probably confronted the den the night before and try to throw their weight around, perhaps even attempting to take over. From their overall ragged appearance complete with fresh wounds, they appeared to have had their asses handed to them and kicked royally. Now rather demure and depressed, the boys had no other options at the moment other than tag along behind and behave themselves, the little bastards.
Wanna come up to my place for a drink?

Cue the Barry White music

On our second run later that day, we stopped when we encountered a lion couple laying in the brush, just soaking up the rays and enjoying each other’s company. In hushed tones, Russell told up they were in the midst of mating, having it off with each other for the better part of the week. More than likely, they weren’t just complacent but totally spent. They could’ve just been sleeping off Boff #19. We sat in as much silence as possible so as not to disturb when, after a good half-hour, the tired couple rose and lumbered down the road. No sooner did they reach the center lane that the male hopped on his lady’s back and gave it to her right then and there. Why don’t we do it in the road indeed.
I couldn’t resist. I had to express my admiration.

“Yo
u, sir, are my hero!” I called out to my amorous champion. I would have applauded, but instead I just saluted.


Want more? Then buy a copy, you cheapskates! What do you think this is...Reading Rainbow?????

PLEASE HOLD THUMBS: A NOT-SO-ROUND TRIP TO SOUTH AFRICA is available online in paperback at Amazon.com and in paperback and download at
Scott Cherney's Store
and Amazon Kindle

More excerpts from PLEASE HOLD THUMBS as well some of my other "world travels on my page;

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Please Hold Thumbs: Oh, That's Nice!

 I'll be frank here. I have to be frank because I can't be me. And Sammy sang "I Gotta Be Me" not Frank. That being said (whatever the hell that was), I have to admit to one and all that I am finding difficulty keeping up with this here blog in the midst of re-writing the first draft of my novel (see previous posts did: FIRST DRAFT DODGER and THE GRATING AMERICAN NOVEL), marketing my other written works (see my website at www.scottcherney.com)and the horrors of everyday life.


Therefore I have decided that, over the course of the summer, and in celebration of the 10th anniversary of its publication, I will release the first full chapter of my true travel tale PLEASE HOLD THUMBS: A NOT SO ROUND TRIP TO SOUTH AFRICA. 

Here's the story:

Attending their daughter's wedding in South Africa promised to be the vacation of a lifetime. But first, they had to face the treacherous gauntlet of modern day travel

Join this hapless, sometimes helpless couple as they brave their way through a never-ending obstacle course filled with such hazards as flight delays, the purgatory of layovers and an incompetent, uncaring air carrier that treats its passengers worse than their luggage. Waiting for them on the other side of the world are an honest to goodness safari with amorous lions and elephants with anger issues, a life affirming visit to a South African school and an anxious bride and groom standing patiently at the airport with a sign that reads:
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?


Please enjoy PLEASE HOLD THUMBS. I said please.

CHAPTER ONE
OH, THAT'S NICE

How long had I been dead to the world?
The exact time of day couldn’t be easily pinned down since there wasn’t a clock anywhere within my soft focused field of vision. By the light of the room in general, I took a wild guess and thought it might be daytime. Since I had been lying on my side in this bed, it could have been the stroke of midnight and this was a searchlight blasting in from the outside for all I knew. But right then and there, I didn’t know anything. 
I turned over onto my back and stared up at the whirling ceiling fan when it suddenly hit me:
I was back in ‘Nam.
Wait a second. That didn’t make any sense. I’d never been to Vietnam in the first place so how could I be back there? I may have been out of my head from fatigue, but I sure as hell knew I wasn’t Martin Sheen.
To my immediate left, I saw my wife Laurie in the bed beside me deep in the throes of slumber and figured out in my addled state of mind that where I had actually returned to was Beaverton, Oregon. The bedroom windows in our “European style” apartment had been wide open all night long, airing out the place after ten days away. The familiar sounds of the Max train, a proud member of Portland’s light rail system, whooshing into the station just three floors below our building brought a knowing grin to my bed sheet lined face. That was a sure sign that we were home again.
I rose from the bed with great difficulty. My body had contorted into one giant cramp. With each movement, I cracked and crunched so much, it sounded like a drive-by shooting in a popcorn factory. Maintaining my balance wasn’t any easier as I staggered about from one end of the apartment to the other in a game of human pinball. All this had to be achieved while my sleep-laden eyelids kept drooping closed and each attempt to open them became a strenuous weight training exercise. But, damn it to hell, I was determined.
I had to go to the can. There are some things a man just has to do.
It was the first coherent shit I had taken in over a week. My bowels had been performing in fits and starts for almost ten days now. This can be attributed to the fact that they had taken a trip around the world and had been treated with probably less care than my luggage. I wouldn’t say that I had a spastic colon, even though I do think that’s a great name for a band. (“Hello, Des Moines! Give it up for Spastic Colon!”) Then again, I still had that feeling of accomplishment; a claim to fame that could only be called “a guy thing”, a definite gold star in Camp Testosterone. Not only had I taken a dump on three different continents and in four time zones, but I had also squeezed off a few salvos on both sides of the equator. What a big boy am I.
But now I was back on the road to recovery. This included the bodily function known as the morning constitutional. Talk about a sigh of relief. I had a sudden moment of clarity as I discovered the true meaning of the word regularity. Maybe my ass, plain and simply, was just homesick. 
I then took something else that had been a luxury in the last little while-a long, hot shower. As I cleansed my body of whatever I had acquired in the past couple of days of travel, it dawned on me that the last time I had bathed was on the other side of the world.
Drying off after that lengthy hose down, I inspected myself in the bathroom mirror. I didn’t recognize the guy that was staring back at me. My face had tanned like never before and appeared to be more of a badge of honor that was earned rather than burned. The best part was that it was all natural, not one of those orange tinted spray jobs from a tanning salon that make its patrons resemble overcooked Cheetos. This was the real deal. I hadn’t shaved in several days and my beard stubble, sprinkled with various shades of gray as it has been for years now, complimented my new skin tone. Usually when I’m unshaven, I tend to think I look like a grizzled old sourdough out prospecting for gold. “Eureka! I done struck me the Mother Lode, by cracky!” Laurie hates that description, preferring instead to say I look “seedy”. Yeah. That sounds much better. But even she had to agree that this combination actually worked on me, giving me much needed maturity and, dare I say, a dash of ruggedness. Finally, I searched my eyes, trying to take this all in as I stared directly in the mirror. They were glassy, almost doll-like initially most certainly stemming from various stages of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.  Their shade, seemingly much greener than before, had taken on a more muted hue, which fit quite comfortably with the rest of my new look. As I continued gazing at my eyes, they began to come to life as the drowsiness melted off. At this point, I was looking past them and what lay beyond. Suddenly the vision of a far-off land appeared before me, stretching off into the horizon and in the same array of earthen tones and colors sitting on the palette that was my face. A sudden recognition overtook me and I smiled at myself knowingly. I realized right then and there that I wasn’t dead to the world after all. I was alive. After all, I didn’t just visit South Africa; I had brought it home with me.
It was written all over my face,

Copyright 2010 by Scott Cherney

More chapters available and travel tales on my page entitled CHERNEY JOURNEYS