Whee! The People!

I woke up Wednesday morning with the earworm of the dopey, yet perfectly apropos Britney Spears'
song "Oops, I Did It Again!" At first, I was gong to distance myself from this observation, claiming that it wasn't a reference to myself and therefore not responsible for what had come down the same pike that's carrying Lady Liberty's head impaled upon it, but America itself. But nope, I'm culpable too as are we all in this land we call America, the Land of the (currently) Free and Home of the Knaves .

How the bloody hell did this happen, not once, but TWICE in this lifetime? It's not difficult to decipher since it's not a riddle for the ages like the chicken or the egg debate. If you've had your eyes and ears open, it's painfully obvious and has been since the beginning of this election cycle. Unfortunately, the tunnel vision that exists in this culture has resulted in another crushing defeat....to the same goddamn candidate. Lack of perspective, denial and basic blind hatred has ruined the election day for the Almighty Dems, this time in both the electoral college and the popular. Let me capitalize that word for emphasis: POPULAR. Donny won American Idol again. Can't claim Russian collusion this time around, though some are sure going to try. This is THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE, but I reckon it's just not your kind of people, is it?

I wrote out a big rant n' rave to give my un-learned opinions on what went wrong from Day One. Since Wednesday, enough has been written and commented upon more eloquently and insightful that I ever could that whatever I say will be redundant and/or piling on. In the grand scheme of things, my takes don't mean a thing cuz you ain't got that swing state, so I suppose I'll continue to shake my head in derision until it falls off my neck.

Besides, while I'm tempted, you're not supposed to kick anyone while they're down. It wouldn't do any good anyway since no one is listening. And becaus there is no joy in Mudville because Momala Kamala has struck out, there's so much wailing going on because, why, no one saw this coming? The Boogeyman is coming, the same Boogeyman you have created, demonizing Trump that he has been elevated to Thanos like status when he was nothing more than a cheap hood to begin with. Not anymore. You won't, but you should hand it to him. Under insurmountable odds, he has dodged bullets, survived felony convictions and lawsuits and never ending harassment to come out on top one mo' time. Guess what though? He's not indestructible no matter what you might believe. 

But if you continue to make excuses, most of them egregious and misguided, you will make the all too apparent divide in this country even wider. Start whistling "The Battle Hymn of The Republic" unless you can't get over the agony of defeat and plan to just roll over and take it.

My advice is simply this: Pay attention. Gain some perspective. Stop listening to celebrities. Learn something from the mistakes that were made. And I'm not going all Rodney King on you with his tearful declaration of "Can't we all just...get along?" The sincerity and naivete of that statement after he was nearly beaten to death by LA's not so finest back in the day didn't hold water then either. Couldn't hurt to try though. And it might be a good idea to fight for something other than your right to party.

Believe it or not, it's not the end of the world as we know it. Not yet anyway. As for when, that's up to you. And me too. 

 

Fail to the Chief

And so the big bad Boogeyman was driven from the land and disgrace. 

Everything was good in the world once again. And we lived happily ever after. 

Uh-huh. And everything changed on New Year's Day.

The final days of Donald F. Trump as 45th President of these here United States have been excruciatingly despicable and absolutely miserable 

for the country and for life itself. So you expected any less? How exactly was this different from the previous 3 years and change? But he's gone now so it's really not nice to speak ill of the dead. (Well he's dead to me) 

And yet who can we blame for this nightmare? Those who elected him? Well, I didn't vote for him, that's for damn sure. Little Hilly Clinton didn't get one outta me neither. So, wait I'm to blame? Face reality, you ideaological lemmings. I live in Oregon. You know, the Left Coast? This went to Hillary and so did her electoral votes. So shut up about that already. In my addled mind, she was a rotten candidate, so focused on breaking the glass ceiling that she forgot every single person below, propping her up would be cut to ribbons by the shards falling from above. She and the Dems underestimated Benito Trumpellini and he ran away with the win. I refuse to accept that my non-vote was in any way 

responsible for his victory. I feel exactly the same way when I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000. Did that serve to elect GW Bush as number 42? I think not. Besides, I don't have to justify my vote to anyone. What's that? Fuck me? No, fuck you. 

This time around I voted for Joltin' Joe Biden. Now I wasn't exactly Riden with Biden, I wasn't even Abiden with Biden. It was more like anybody but the Trumpasaurus. I would have voted for my coffee table but I wouldn't it wouldn't have had enough electoral votes to make a diff. I have issues with Joe. I also am not a big Kamala fan. But they were enough to get the job done and, hooray, they win the day. Will I rue the day I made this pick? Probably not. I stand by this choice too. Believe me, I hate having to vote for the lesser of two evils as I have had to do in most elections. But I'll own it as I have with all the rest. (See? I can adult too. So NYAH!)

But was the election fixed? Frankly, I think there were some improprieties. Watching the results, there sure seemed like a truck load of Biden votes got dumped in all at once, though that was just a casual  observation on my part. (I'm not above rockin' a few conspiracy theories of my own) The whole thing was a mess due to this pandemic, voting by mail, et al. Nobody was on the same page because a)no one knew what book it was in and/or b) they can't read. What a boondoggle.  And are the Democrats capable of the shenanigans they were accused of? Oh, heaven forfend. The end result was that Biden would have won regardless of this mess. It was still close real close. A nail biter as it were. As  far as the election being stolen, I'm saying no. Trump digging in his heels and refusing to concede was the delusion he propagated to the world. It served to fuel those goddamn deplorables of his to the point of internal combustion, egged on by Fox News and right wing-nut talk show hosts and well, look what happened in DC, the darkest moment in American history since 9/11. And that disgrace is what Donnie left on. Look where it got him. Another impeachment. A two-fer, as it were. again no surprise. His whole rise to power had been accelerated on the Birther lie, so why shouldn't his collapse and fall be triggered by another? 

Meet the new host of The Apprentice reboot!

Donaldo has always been his own worst enemy. He could actually have won a second term if he actually put in the time. But instead his narcissism, did him in hoist by his own petard. Check out the first debate with Biden when he went Full Tilt Buffoon. Just as everyone under-estimated him in 2016, he over-estimated himself this time around. He thought it would be a cake walk over Sleepy Joe, but he didn't do his homework and decided to coast on his persona, but the shtick after four years had grown stale and worn-out. He exposed himself, not as he did to Stormy Daniels, but to the electorate, as a cheap B-movie thug, bullying his way into the hearts and minds of only his most devoted acolytes. As such, the Trumpster went into the dumpster.

Now he's gone and Joe is in. Okay, what next? Back to 2016? Sorry, there is no do-overs in life. The damage has been done. We're still as the divided as we were two weeks ago. The healing can only begin if we begin to fill in the gaps. That is, of course, if they wish to be. Half the nation voted for Trump. What percentage of those were part of the Capitol mob or supported them is anybody's guess. Many did not, but are still disenfranchised at this moment in time. And what about the Left who did nothing bitch, moan and whine about every single thing this so-called President did each and every minute of each and every single day? Their hateful addiction will be tougher to kick than Don-Don's Twitter habit. 

Donny Do-Wrong claims he'll be back The Republicans won't have him. He's screwed that party seven ways to Sunday. A third party, perhaps? Maybe Don will invoke the spirit of Lyndon (the Douche) Larouche and give it the old college try. And if history has taught us anything:

One thing is certain. Donald Trump will go gently into that good night. Like a badly-conceived sequel to an inexplicably successful shitty movie, he will return. 

Threat or promise? You make the call.

Dystopia Now

UPWARD FACING KITTY

Ever watch a post-apocalyptic movie or read a book in the same genre and wonder, how did the world fall in to dystopian disarray so quickly?

Over three months later and look where we are. Before the Feds arrived to the beleaguered City Of Roses, they were told that things, riot-wise, would escalate and, sho' 'nuff, that's what has happened.

The little gang of ne'er-do-wells who have been causing most of the damage to said Stumptown since Day One of this protest cycle have been joined in ranks by new groups of well-meaning folks like the Walls of Vets, Moms and Dads w/leaf blowers (3 separate factions), healthcare workers, lawyers (!) and the cherry on top of this super sundae, a naked yoga enthusiast. What prompted this influx of newbies? Why, the arrival of Benito Trumpilini's jack-booted thugs onto our city streets, here to protect the federal buildings under siege by those lil' rascals running rampant without rhyme, reason or care in the world. And how are they doing this, you may ask?

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

Mayor Ted and Governor Kate were outraged! 

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! WE ARE PERFECTLY INCAPABLE OF HANDLING THIS ALL BY OURSELVES, THANK YOU!"

And to prove their pint, Mayor Ted walked into the thick of battle, proclaiming, "They won't gas me"

which, of course, they did. An appreciative crowd didn't offer sympathy, only a horselaugh and told Teddy Bear to not go away mad, just go away.

Kate herself would have been a lot more aggressive if someone convinced her these weren't protests, but massive book clubs. Instead, she sat on her hands, even when Ted got a snoot full of gas. "Whoops! Sucks to be him."

What an adorable corporate logo!

Finally, after intense negotiations...the Feds went away. Then the Oregon State Police. The violence subsided...temporarily, until it didn't, Back to square one. Now we're coming up on 80 straight nights of peaceful protests complete with rocks, bottles, fireworks, just plain fire and lots and lots of tear gas.

This has gotten international exposure. Everybody knows about Portland now! We're Number One with a Rubber Bullet!

The populace is still under the impression that these gosh darn kids a right to protest. Yeah, they do. It's called Freedom of Speech. The thing is, kids, they've hijacked the movement. The message is getting lost thanks to all these miscreants. Oh, wait. They're Freedom Fighters, aren't they? The Great Antifa has been lionized to heroic status. Look at the marvelous memes they've generated. The Rebel Alliance is Antifa. The Avengers are Antifa. Harry Potter is Antifa. The Muppet Babies are Antifa. Lord love a duck. It's enough to make an old geek cry.

Gag me with a Tardis.

I didn't know that another symptom of Covid-19 was denial. Or is it delusion? Perhaps a combination of both.

Your blind hatred toward Donald Trump is turning these creeps into something they are not. They have been around for as long as I can remember. Whenever there was a protest of any sort in downtown Portland, anarchists, as they were was known, always screwed things up with randoms act of violence and vandalism. In recent years, they've stood up to right-wing extremists who invaded our town (see blog post : BATTLEFIELD PORTLANDIA) and all of a sudden, they were the good guys. Now where are we? Black Lives Matter, fighting for change in this country as Antifa fights for their right to party. They are only in it for themselves. If Mayor Ted made one valid point (and I think it's been one), it's that this giving Trump fuel to fan the flames of his campaign and remember, he plays dirtier than anyone. Then again, Ted is compliant too with his non-action. He didn't think of that. The tear gas must have stunted his cognitive abilities.

Ya gotta wake up, Portland, for the sake of your beloved city. With the Pandemic still holding us hostage, homelessness reaching epic proportions, the economy going down the shitter...you're allowing the inmates to run the asylum. I know, I know. Maybe we're only talking about a few bad apples here...oh. Ouch.

Get your heads out of your asses, people. You might want to believe we're all part of a cosplay interpretation of LES MISERABLES, but you're wrong. It's just plain miserable. This isn't an anti-protest rant by any means. There are issues for which you should take to the streets and have your voices heard loud and clear. Don't go out there just because it's Summer. 

UPDATE: Since I first wrote this, the Proud Boys came back to town for a scuffle with the young scalawags of Rose City which made Mayor Weenie stand up and take notice, but not about the riot du jour until...today (8/26). He made a fist toward these delinquents of justice and said, basically, "Hey, maybe if we ignore these gosh darn kids, maybe they'll go away." Way to make a fist, Ted. How's that re-election campaign going?

Worst of all, Jacob Blake was shot in the back seven times by police in Kenosha, Wisconsin and a 17 year old turd named Kyle Rittenhouse decided to go rogue, killing two protesters with an AR-15.

Coming up on Day 100 in PDX with no end in sight.

Dystopia. We're soaking in it.

Battlefield: Portlandia

Just not very well.

Turn left-Look out, it's Antifa!
Go right- Head for the hills! It's the Proud Boys!

Where the hell can you go in Portland, Oregon these days? GPS doesn't work as you try to navigate your way around from these two angry mobs. So what to do? Stay home and sequester yourselves in your above ground bomb shelters? Stick your head in the sand until they go away? How about finally putting your foot down and saying enough is finally enough? It's okay. You don't have to use your inside voice.

This best of all possible worlds (once upon a time, say back in the mid 00s) is under siege by these packs of blithering idiots who are tearing the city apart from within and without. They're drying up necessary resources that keep the self-proclaimed City that Works (well...) barely afloat amid its multitude of everyday problems without these dopes using the streets as their personal battleground.  Last weekend, downtown had to virtually shut down to allow the August melee the freedom to take over what is the middle of a normally abundant summer season, causing a loss of approximately $3 million dollars of lost revenue and not counting what the city spent to keep any semblance of peace. Thanks, y'all. Good job. Two thumbs up and I don't mean in the air.

The Battle of  the Boneheads continues.

On one side you got your interlopers, them thar right wing extremists with names like the Proud Boys, Patriot Prayers and, I dunno, The Eagle's Anus or something. These members of President Benito Trumpolini's best and brightest continue to congregate here for some some damn reason or another. Their message is lost in all that strutting, chest-thumping and flag waving, a bunch of nonsensical tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. (Thanks, Willy S!) Yep. That's them. The few, the proud, the morons.

And in this corner, stepping out of their clown cars and into the ring with these nimrods are the Antifa. What a sweet name they have. Sounds like the most darling nanny from Martinique ever! "Antifa! Read me a story!" "Antifa! I have a boo-boo!" "Antifa! ICE is here!" Yeah, they ain't that frickin' cute. This ever-growing group of vigilantes have formed their own uniformed army, populated by a bunch of ne'er-do-well ragamuffins who would never consider the military as a career option, if that's even on the table to begin with. These gosh darn kids even try to add a bit of whimsy to the proceedings, some of them dressing as unicorns and bananas while tossing mayonnaise and vegan milkshakes at the other side. Of course, they also carry shields, metal poles and who the hell brought the bear spray? These cretins go off the rails more often than not, as extreme left as the Proud Marys are to the right and never the twain shall meet except on the streets of downtown Rose City, USA

Both groups harass, harangue and mock each other at unbearable decibels for hours on end until the whole shebang escalates into a schoolyard brawl all at the cost of taxpayer dollars that neither side will pay. The right wingnuts are from out of town, the left, well, frankly don't give a dime, my dear, so guess who's footing the bill and going to suffer when the coffers run dry?

Portland mayor Ted Weenie allows them get away with it. Even though the last kerfuffle wasn't the Tiananmen Square smackdown that was anticipated, Teddy Bear claimed victory while Portland police chief Danielle Outlaw finally got to do her job. The bullshit was kept to a minimum, considering what happened last time. The worst parts made the nightly news, of course and now are being used as fodder for social media on all platforms.

O Portlandia, swoop down and skewer these dumbasses, okay?

But was it a draw for both factions?
Nope.
Sorry, Anifa, the wrong is right wingers won again.

These Trumpets are here for one main reason-to make their adversaries-meaning you, progressive Portland and liberals in general-look their absolute worst before a world stage. The revolution is being televised, streamed and shared, you idiots, and there you are in full focus becoming unhinged. They are trying to provoke you into a fight with their very presence and you take the bait every fucking time. You go mental before every camera pointed in your direction. Who cares if you have them too? It's just another angle. Every stupid act is being recorded, logged and shown around the world. It's ammunition for their side for not only the next election but for the very future itself. The more passive they get, the more empowered you feel because you outnumbered them. You became the oppressors. You became the jack booted thugs. You became the goddamn bullies.

And hey, Mayor Weenie was letting you do his dirty work for him. He can't look bad when he's up for re-election. What? Teddy Ruxpin's a law 'n order candidate? Oh, hell no! This chump has the spine of a gummy worm. He'll let these ass clowns into town for their rallies, then let you run rampant to run them out on a rail. When the dust, clears, he'll wash his hands of you with a 5 gallon barrel of Purell. You are pests being used to get rid of pests. What's going to happen when it's your time to hit the road, jerks?

So what's the thrust here? Should you not counter their protests? Well, the ever holy First Amendment applies to both sides now. What to do when the Proudies and Prayerie Dogs return which they threaten to do EVERY SINGLE MONTH for who knows how long? (Who's financing them? Follow the money!) The Antifalites could actually change their strategy.

I'm all in favor of a public shunning. Dress in your black unitards, stand on each side of their "parade" route and when they approach, turn your backs silently.

Oops. Sorry. I forgot you're all hopped up on caffeinated kombucha and incredible edibles. You'll be too twitchy to be quiet. Stay on the sidelines and talk amongst yourselves. They don't exist. Ignore them. Pretend they're not there. If this riles them up and they get so frustrated they attack, then fight back. But do NOT throw the first punch. You can have the last.

Awww...ain't it quaint?

The best idea I had is that the next time these MAGAtrons return to praise their lord and master, the Head Cheeto in Charge, they can be granted their request to for public assembly, only this time they have to congregate in Mill Ends Park, the world's smallest. It's a cute little Portland attraction of sorts that sits in the  median of a busy street near the waterfront in downtown P-town. Mill Ends is only 2 ft. across, covering a span of only 452 square inches. This will accommodate only one Proud Boy and one counter protester, your Antifala of choice. They can stand on each side of that spot and holler at each other at the top of your imbecilic lungs all the doo-dah day while dodging traffic all at the same time. Lotsa luck, fatheads.

All this crap makes my head ache. I personally don't care what happens between these dueling double dildos as long as they take it out of the city. Don't we have enough problems on a day to day basis without adding these modern day  Civil War re-enactments to the equation? Put 'em in a stadium and let 'em have at it. Be sure to charge admission. Might as well get something out the deal.

Am I straddling the fence here/? Damn right I am. How else are the rest of us going to get by, usually barely enough to survive ourselves? Remember this, my droogies, I didn't build that fence. It was put up without my consent and, as far as I'm concerned, it's just another obstacle on an increasingly difficult course. We've had almost three years of this shit already. No wonder we're suffering from battle fatigue. Next year's the dreaded election, but don't think it's going to end there when it reaches its inevitable conclusion. There's a distinct possibility that it's going to get even worse.

As Karen Carpenter once sung, "We've only just begun."

An Emmy of the People

A few thoughts on this year's Emmy broadcast.

Was it too political? Of course it was. What would you expect? This is the environment we live in these days. The pontificating that occurred during the Emmys made the other award shows pale in comparison because, as it stands now, TV rules the roost and Hollywood loves a winner...unless that winner won last year's election. Besides, when you have an agenda, you're going to take every opportunity that arises to perpetuate your deep rooted passionate point of view and how are you going to pass up speaking to the entire world? Well, the entire world that wasn't watching something else on Sunday night. Stephen Colbert's one shot (I imagine) as Emmy host was more hit than miss. Some of his material could have been sharper. Could be the topical material became what my mom used to call "tiresome'.

The winners all deserved their gold statues, I was sorry to see the sweeps of certain shows over others because I would have liked to seen it more spread out. I also dislike repeat winners since multiplicity breeds contempt in my book. But I don't begrudge any of those taking home their trophies with the exception of...

Alec Baldwin. I actually rooted against him taking the gold for his work on SNL this last year. It all boils down to what I consider to be a lousy impression. His Donald Trump is the worst kind of caricature, the kind everyone thinks they can do and usually, quite poorly. Now Baldwin is quite a good actor and has been exceptional on SNL several times in the past. But this time his politics have gotten in the way of his performance. His Trump doesn't come from a place of comedy. It comes from total hatred and it shows. Worse yet, it hurts. His ideology gives him no objectivity and muddies the waters, turning him into a mocking buffoon straight out of an Oliver Stone movie. (Anthony Atamanuik does a better Trump on his Comedy Central show.) Besides, I don't like how Baldwin's appearances on the show have taken away from more deserving cast members, actors that have to fight, beg and scrape for air time unless one of Lorne Michaels' pals wants steal the spotlight away from them.

On a more pleasant note, my girl Ann Dowd won a Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Handmaid's Tale, which I haven't seen, but I am crazy in love with this talented actress. She is part of a growing number of actresses, shall we say, of a certain age who are absolutely crushing it out there. Her fellow nominee, Jackie (Mamacita) Hoffman, not to mention Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon from this year's Feud are perfect evidence of this. Starting with Kathy Bates in absolutely everything (even Nelflix's Disjointed boondoggle) and carried on with Margo Martindale's recent successes not to mention Jean Smart, these women need to be celebrated more than they are already. Nicole Kidman can get up on stage and complain that there are no roles for older women, but the heavy lifting is being done by these fine actresses. Most of their fine work can be seen on television and that, dear people is what should be not only celebrated, but yelled from every rooftop in goddamn Hollywood.

The Emmys have the same problems as most shows of this ilk-insipid banter, nonsensical pre-recorded pieces that mostly tank and, of course, the over bearing length. But just like the Grammys, only the "major" awards make the big show, only about 15%. To hand out everything would take the same time as a Ken Burns documentary. But it's still too freaking long. Maybe if, when a series wins, the entire cast and crew aren't herded onto the stage, that is unless they use are some border collies to hustle their asses along.. Move your asses, people! As far as I'm concerned, we don't need to see the whole mishpucka.

So ends the Emmys. Enjoy your rest, folks. Awards season starts at the end of the year and everything old will be new again. Or not.

Feliz Año Nuevo

Another year down. It's about time.

There's really no reason to recall the events of the past 12 months because, honestly, who the hell wants to go through THAT again? Since we continue to categorize and rate our lives in blocks of time (for what-convenience sake?), we can all pretty much agree on one basic fact while disagreeing on everything thing else in the known and unknown universe:

2016 sucked ass.

We lost a lot last year, not just people, celebrities, notable or otherwise, but parts of ourselves as well. When the MAIN EVENT of November, that shit show known as the Presidential election finally came to pass, the end result was despair for the defeated and barely a hoo-ray for the victors. It was a bloody, brutal battle that summed up the entire year in a microcosm and left us everyone, involved or not, more shell-shocked that we'll ever be able to admit. But there won't be any chance to heal because time marches on, and that, my friends, is the natural fact.

It wasn't all mud-slinging and brickbats. Unfortunately, the bad outweighed the good in 2016 cuz what bleeds, leads and it so much easier to dwell on the worst of humanity, to revel in the pain because maybe, just maybe when we are exposed to an endless barrage of it, we'll be tough enough so that it won't bother us any longer. We won't be able to feel a thing. Remembering the good things of  your life and the world around us might actually be your Achilles heel.

That may be the stupidest bullshit you read this year, but I doubt it. Hey, I just saw this "breaking news headline":

Need I add that this is a perfect example of fake news? I do? O Madre de Mios. Ignorance begets even more ignorance as Mike Judge's film IDIOCRACY looks more and more like a documentary. Maybe a few guillotines aren't such a bad idea. Many of you aren't using your heads anyway.

If nothing else, this 12 month pummeling should serve as a wake-up call to everybody everywhere. Pay attention, people. Those of you who lost your shit over the election results were probably half-asleep to begin with and are too goddamn cranky when you open your eyes for the first time. What did you think was going to happen? You have to be the dumbest ass in the entire free world if you thought-or still fucking believe-that the popular vote means anything. It doesn't. You losers underestimated the winner of everything since he begin his goose-step to the White House.

And as for the other side, to the victors go the spoils. You should know it since you spoiled it. For Christmas, I ordered the Basket of Deplorables from Harry and David-some rotten apples and a bunch of nuts. (Second time I used this joke. Gonna do it til I get it right.)  I was worried about what you yahoos might do if Trump lost, what retaliation might occur. I should have been more concerned about what you Insane Clown Posses would do when he he won. Don't think you're going to get away with what you think you might do going forward. This is where the battle lines will be drawn. Civil War II, anybody?

For those who are not part of this angry mob, I hope for all our sake you made the right decision because it is one we will have to live with for the next four years. (Donaldo's not going to be a two-termer. He will get bored. You'll see.) Congratulations on your victory  If you ever get over your hatred of Obama, Hillary and the rest of the opposing side, I hope you'll keep a close eye on your POTUS. Try to recall the doubts you had going into this. You need to wake the fuck up too. To get along, what say we keep an eye on extremists on all fronts. You keep your wackos in check, we'll keep our nut jobs in line as well. Couldn't hurt, which is probably the most positive suggestion of the day.

Now it's 2017. Feel any different? I didn't think so. Time is relative. In this case, it's that creepy drunken uncle who's all pervy hands when it's time to go to bed.

Pleasant dreams, America.

Happy New Year.

POTUS Envy

As Charles Dickens once wrote, "It was the worst of times, it was the worstiest of times."

My ballot sits before me. It's time to pull the band-aid off this year-old scab and hope it won't bleed too much. Oh, but rest assured, little ones. There will be blood.

You think this is all going to be over November 8? Not hardly. Once the results are in, the party continues with a useless recount (or two), accusations of voter fraud from the left, right and center, not to mention what follows. Calls for impeachment will begin almost immediately, hearings will commence along with court proceedings and this obscene circus will never leave town.Soon we will long for those halcyon days of Election 2000. "Remember the hanging chads? Those were such a hoot!"

Now we're all innocently shaking our heads and wondering, "How did we get in to this mess in the first place?". If you don't know the answer to that question or even dared to ask it in the first place, please jump off the nearest high rise into rush hour traffic. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's all been fun and games until someone called Last Call. That's when the lights are turned up and reality finally sets in. "Oh no....I'm going home with THAT?????"

There are two candidates of any consequence in this battle. At least, that's what's been shoved down our gullets. If there's a phrase that pays in this cycle it's "The system is rigged", someone trumpeted from both side of the aisle. That's what y'all call irony with a capital IRE. The system is indeed rigged in favor of this archaically damaging two party system. Want proof? Take a gander at the two at the top. The others don't stand a chance and never will because the powers that be will never allow it to occur. Therefore, this country is beholden to either one or the other but not another until the end of time or days, if you prefer.

You could very well indeed vote for one of the other candidates. However you will be vilified not only by your peers but by those who actually stood apart not months before. The beloved little cherub Bernie Sanders himself is scolding those who would dare make a protest vote. Hey, pal. They're all protest votes. You were a protest vote. Why are you spitting in the face of all your supporters who say you as a viable alternative against the Hillary machine? Why are you toeing the party line so vehemently? Are you Berned-out? Unless...

CONSPIRACY THEORY #1
Bernie Sanders has been working for Hillary and/or the Democrats all along. He was never meant to win, only to gather support. Dear sweet Lady Macbeth has never skewed to a younger, hipper demographic, but that snow-haired firebrand Uncle Bernie got them all fired up like the rabble rousing Lefty he is what with his free college tuition promises, taking down the 1% and things that young people actually care about. Then when it came down to the wire, he rolled over way too easily, even after learning  he had been screwed over by Team Clinton. Instead of standing his ground at the convention when could have actually made a difference,  he told his constituents to vote for the candidate they hate as much as any Republican: HRC. The percentage of those who will indeed do as he asks may be enough to put her over. Good job, Bern. What were you promised-a cabinet post? Some much needed cash for your retirement? A Rascal to get around Washington? Let's face facts, old son. You won't be back in 2020. Too bad. You might have taken home the bacon this time around. As it is, you can take that participation trophy the DNC handed you to display prominently on your mantel for all to see as you sit in your Barcalounger watching election results on MSNBC.

On the Republican side, the tents went up on Cirque de So-lame as the clown car pulled up during debate season inexplicably beginning in late 2015. to every debate. The masses were oh so amused by the hi jinx that ensued when those doors opened and these buffoons all toppled out in fill regalia. "Damn it, Chris Christie! Why do you always have to get in the car last? Rubio's getting crushed!" "Because I have to drive. I know a shortcut so we don't have to take the bridge." This the party that controls Congress and has held the country hostage all this time? Holy merde. Say hello to their best and brightest, a bigger pack of empty suits and nimrods the country has never seen. But hey, the American people ate it all up with a plastic spoon if the Nielsen ratings were any indication (and they are) of what kind of a pit we have fallen into voluntarily. And the media has only perpetuated this shameful spectacle and milked it for all that was worth. They run everything into the ground to get every last nickel they can no matter what damage has been done.

So who's in the running for the highest position of what is laughingly referred to as the Free World?  Why, it's Hillary and The Donald for the POTUS championship belt, probably the worst main event in modern history.

Hill was crowned the Democratic nominee a long time ago in a backroom far, far away, probably back in 2008. The scenario could have been that she had been asked to graciously step aside because it was time for an African-American president, not a woman. "Don't worry, Mrs. Clinton. You're next. We'll see to that." "Don't call me Mrs. Clinton." So Barry O'Bam gets the nod and Hill gets to be Secretary of State. Whoopsy! Now she's an even tougher sell to the American voting public because, let's face it, Hilly is almost as reviled as the Trumpster. Her support stems from dyed in the wool Democratic sheep who would vote for a pile of dirty clothes if it had the right party affiliation, anyone and everyone wanting herstory to be made by electing the FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT (not Susan Sarandon who announced she doesn't vote with her vagina, giving new meaning to the term "ballot box") and every Trump hater who see her as more Presidential than the former star of THE APPRENTICE. But though Hillary may have the backing of Hollywood (the entertainment rag Variety has even announced their support, a first for the paper) with Beyonce, Jay-Z and Katy Perry singing their praises, she ain't beloved and never will be. Do you know why her slogan is "I'M WITH HER"? Because it's difficult to say her name in the same context. Try it. It'll get stuck in your throat. "I'm with HHHHHHHH....... I'm with HHHHiiiiiiiiiiiii...I'm with HHHHuuuuuuhhhhhh..... her."

As for for Benito Trumpilini. is there really anything more that needs to be said that wasn't self-evident the moment he threw his hate into the ring? For the love of God, people. This is the same fool who stood front and center with the Birther bullshit. I don't care if it originated with the Clinton camp. He became the goddamn spokesmodel for the product. Didn't watching his moronic reality send off any warning flares? Those Republican debates gave him the opportunity to be the Roastmaster General and he ran with it. After watching him skew everyone of his opponents, he was deemed the Washington outsider who shoots straight form the hip, no matter what the hell fall from his lips. After years and years of a non-productive government, he looked like the solution that the country really needs-to be shaken to its core so that we can start anew. Trump the Grump began spewing his ideas every chance the media gave him and that was constantly. The more outrageous the claims or accusations he made, the more the coverage he got. The fabled October Surprise of this election cycle was the Access Hollywood tape where he made despicable comments about women. Is this really a surprise in October or any other month? He's a pig. Shocking. Next. But that does bring up...

CONSPIRACY THEORY #2
Billy Bush leaked the tape himself, paid off handsomely by the Bush family, getting even with no only how Trump bullied Jeb but his humiliation of the entire family throughout the campaign. Don't fuck with the Bushes. They're ex-CIA. Barbara probably still wants to give him a hearty kick in the huevos for good measure..

The fallout left some chinks in Teflon Don's armor, but he was already insulated and reinforced by the plethora of hateful rhetoric regarding illegal immigrants, that insufferable wall and the rest of his playlist filtering into the cracks and crevices where lived the dregs of society aka the Basket of  Deplorables (sounds like something I want to order for the holidays from Harry and David). These sewer rats clawed their way back into the sunlight again as the nation finally began to head in the right direction and their kind had been forced to not go away mad, just go away. Well, they're back and it going to be tougher to get rid of them because now they've re-organized. What's going to happen when he loses? Something tells they're going to be poor sports. Can you say Civil War II, the sequel nobody wants?  Trump has been telling it like is, all righty. He's also been making it up as he goes along, a bull in a china shop that won't stop, win or lose, until the entire Great American Mall is reduced to a pile of rubble.

To use the 21st century version of a time-honored tradition of relating everything to 9/11, Hilly represents everything bad about America before 9/11 while Don-Don everything after. We're screwed either way. It's only a matter of time. With Clinton at the helm, it'll be a slow side into oblivion, stretching it out as long as possible, though as the campaign has progressed, the timeline might accelerate. President Trump will plunge us into disaster instantaneously.

So what to do? Does one pick one or the other? Would picking anyone else be a statement? What about leaving it blank? Do you dare throw your vote away? As for myself, I have picked the proverbial "lesser of two evils" in almost every election since I've begun voting. Now as I round the back turn and head into the home stretch,  I find myself in a moral quandary, telling myself that every vote matters as it has been drummed into our heads since turning the legal age to cast a ballot, regardless of the Electoral College system that only the winners want to maintain, but I refuse to flip the coin, roll the dice or eeny-meeny-miney-mo it. The thing is, I'm an Independent. These are not my candidates. By Oregon law, I was not allowed to make a choice during the primaries (a state proposition that would have done so was shot in flames last time around. Thanks for working against us, two party system!) There's Clinton, Johnson, Stein and the choice of a new generation, None of the Above.

It's two days before the election. I had yet to fill out my ballot. Which ever way I decide, I'm going to vote with my conscience. If you do the same, I applaud you. A conscience is a precious commodity these days. Hang onto it as though your life depends on it.

It does.

Cutting Both Ways

Ah, that fabled double edged sword swings again, slicing and dicing anything and everything in its path.

I don't post much about recent events on social media. Sure, I want my voice to be heard as much as anyone because I too am under the delusion that what I say matters and since I am beloved on-and-off-line, the world is waiting with bated breath for whatever brilliant bon mot I am about to present free of charge. But be sure to like me, love me, send me a virtual hug from your adorable emoji of choice. But for Odin's sake, don't challenge me or my valued opinions in any way, shape or form because I won't engage you in a spirited debate, at least not in an reasonable span of time.

You see, I usually get online before work, not spending more than a half-hour total. If I were to post some comment stating "Trump is going to have us all killed his first year in office" or "Hillary should be led away in chains", it is bound  to get a reply that I won't be able to answer for at least nine hours. I'd get "You liberal morons are all alike" or "St. Hillary will save us all", then when I answer with "Go fuck your mother" or something else just as pithy when the sun goes down, the piss has been totally taken out of it and render the entire enterprise moot.

(Hey, wait a second. I might be on to something.)

But honestly, kiddies, this hit and run tactic, if I were to engage in it, reeks of cowardice, the kind that the Internet perpetuates on a regular basis. That is, of course, if I didn't respond at all. And if and when I do, the chances for a civil discussion on any potentially touchy subject in any of these forums are slim, fat and no. It's an increasingly niche society and we're all breaking off into our like-minded groups, ready to jump down the throat of any dissenter with an even slightly different point of view. But anyone who agrees with me can sit at the cool kids' table anytime they want. C'est la guerre.

On the other hand (or blade), I haven't said anything lately because I don't know where to start and have this sinking feeling how it's going to end. Not to get all FDR here, chillun, but fear is one of the main problems if not the core to the whole shooting match (morbid pun intended). Fear is a crippler. it closes your eyes, your ears, your voice and your mind. It weakens you to the point where you can do nothing at all. You wait for it all to blow over like a bad storm, only it not going to go away, is it? It keeps returning again and again, worsening with each cycle. Soon you won't be able to hide any longer and when it's time to finally cry out for help there won't be anyone to hear you. This fear of what-each other? The outside world?  No. Our own shadows will do us in and there ain't a dang thing you do about it because it'll too late, baby. 

Then there's the guilt factor, too. If I don't comment about Orlando or Dallas or whatever wretched man-made disaster has occurred in the world, I feel like a wimp for not speaking up. The same goes for the fallout every blithering idiot feels compelled to share with the masses, which is generally the case of preaching to the choir, rousing the rabble into the ugly mob it most certainly is. But at least I get to learn a few fun facts along the way. Thanks, everyone, for schooling me that the AR in AR-15 doesn't stand for assault or automatic rifle. It does stands for something the public shouldn't be allowed to own. Like a bazooka. Might be fun to shoot, but I don't want my neighbor to wield one on the Fourth. I've held my tongue-or typing finger-about this sewage dump known as an election season because the bile I would hork up from the pits of my soul will damage my keyboard. But if I lay down some plastic, I will. Black lives matter. Blue lives matter. Let's face it. We're all black and blue from the pummeling this world gives us on a continuing basis since we've forgotten or never learned to defend ourselves.

(So what exactly is the thrust here, Cherney? You're going back and forth like a crackhead's racquetball tournament.)

I suppose I want to direct this to those extreme Facebook friends o' mine who run the gamut from soup to nuts. I've got God-fearin', gun-lovin', raw meat eatin' conservatives on one side, red diaper doper baby liberals on another, crazed conspiracy theorists so far on the left they make Abbie Hoffman look like Roger Ailes over to one side and survivalist snickerdoodles who are waiting for instructions to attack from the Big Giant Head  bringing up the rear. (Diversity. It's what for dinner.) I try to respect everyone's opinion and not delete them entirely because I disagree with any given post not matter how insipid, offensive or out and out motherfucking stupid I find it to be. This is nothing more than passive aggressive culling on this increasingly Anti-Social Network. But not responding to your nonsense isn't helping either. I'm going to start calling you on your bullshit. You see, I have a mouth and I must scream. Of course, these will only be my opinions too. And if you call me on my crap which will be expected  since I can jerk a knee with the worst of them, it may take awhile before I reply. You'll have to be patient. Or you can be the answer to the age-old question, "How do you keep an asshole in suspense?"

Excuse me now. I've got a sword to sharpen, both sides now. Hope I don't cut myself in the process. But even if I do, let it bleed.

Year of the Sap

The first epic blockbuster of the cinema....
THE BIRTH OF A NATION, D.W. GRIFFITH'S's 1915 saga of 19th century America during the Civil War and the Reconstruction. with historical events such as the assassination of President Lincoln and the birth of the Ku Klux Klan.
Starring
Lillian Gish...
Mae Marsh
Wallace Reid
Donald Crisp
and
Raoul Walsh
as John Wilkes Booth.
An amazing film...
with an amazing cast!
BUT...

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE TODAY!

The racist fucks.

And this film is 100 years old. It wasn't nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars either. So take that, SELMA. There weren't any Academy Awards back then, but that's beside the point. Or is it?

Speaking of which, here are my obligatory Oscar predictions for this year: BOYHOOD, Michael Keaton, Julianne Moore, J.K. Simmons, Patricia Arquette and Richard Linklater. And we'll all be officially sick of Neil Patrick Harris by the end of the show.
                                               
                                                        BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Three things I don't want to see in 2015:
1. Vomiting on camera in a film or TV show.
2. LEGOs
3. Anything about the bass
                                                              THAT'S NOT ALL!

Why is that whoever is proclaimed "the worst President ever" is always re-elected? This may have always been the case, but in recent memory, this label has been given to the last three men that held the title of POTUS: Bubba, GW and Bam. All three received two terms. Curious, isn't it? Or...is it?

                                                        AND IF YOU CALL NOW...

It's the Chinese New Year and apparently this is the Year of the Sheep. Unfortunately in America,  it's the Year of the Sap. So far we've had the slapstick antics of side show attraction Bruce Jenner, Brian Williams getting caught tellin' tall tales out of school and Oregon Governor John Kitzhaber taking the fall for his dame blaming the media on his way out the door.. Oh, what will the Spring bring?

UPDATE:
Well, my Oscar picks were punk-ass, as the kids say. (What kids? I dunno...) But there are more saps to add to this growing list, namely Bill "Who put the 'ludes in my Jello?" Cosby and Donald "The Apprentice Republican" Trump. But at least the Confederate flag is toast in South Carolina, causing the corpse of DW Griffith to spin in his grave, Oregon got a new governor in Kate Brown who just might be the ticket, Gay marriage is the law of the land and the USA Women's Soccer Team brought home the World Cup.
The sap numbers keep increasing, but at least now there is a little balance.
Thank you, Universe. We may survive after all.